TT #51

13 First Date Tips

1. Make sure you have enough money…have some cash and pay with your card.

2. Be confident, not desperate.

3. Don’t be late and don’t be early, just be ON TIME.

4. Don’t compare your date to someone else.

5. Bring her flowers. Nope, that’s not too old fashioned. Women love flowers.

6. Ask open-ended questions to keep the conversations going. For example: “what do you think of…..?” “How do you………?”

7. Be prepared but be spontaneous.

8. Wear clean clothes. If your date is after work, take a change of clothes.

9. Don’t overdue it on the perfume or cologne. Its meant to enhance the smell, not cover it up.

10. Keep the conversation light and try not to talk about past break ups unless you’re asked and then keep it short.

11. Compliment your date. Find something you like about them and let them know.

12. Don’t talk constantly about yourself. That gets old really quick. Answer questions when asked but don’t let them think you are self-absorbed.

13. Be polite. Don’t forget your manners and men, hold the door open for your woman or pull out her chair. That’s classy.

Wordless Wednesday

Look closely. This portrait is composed using pictures of only a fraction of the fallen soldiers (our children) that Bush has sent to the Middle East.

Report Card Watch

Parents of pre-teens and teenagers, be warned. If your child has never checked the mail on a regular basis and then suddenly is checking every day, including Sundays, that's a sign. If you have to ask your child 10 times to check the mail on any given day, and then all of the sudden they are checking it without being asked, that is another sign. What is the sign you ask?? Report cards are coming and there is something on there that they don't want you to see. Whether that be bad grades or excessive absences. They figure that by heading the report card off at the pass, Mom and Dad are clueless as to what is really going on. Report cards comes out twice a year. Usually in December and then again in June. So, if January rolls around and you still havent seen anything from the schools regarding your child's progress, its time to call the school. This has happened to me more than once by more than one of my children. Its funny, they will let me receive their Progress Report but they intercepted the actual Report Card. My oldest usually did it because of his absences, my youngest, for his grades. Ive learned though, if there is anything I want to know, I can call the school directly. This includes alleged days off as well. I don't take a child's word that they have a day off unless I get a notice or phone call. This behavior is apparent only in pre-teens and teenagers. The younger kids haven't quite figured out the system yet. So, from one parent to another, if your child suddenly changes their behavior and wants to be helpful by checking the mail without being asked, they are definitely up to something.

Vindication

I did a post a couple weeks back telling you the story of how Kevin (my ex husband) left the state and choose another woman over my children. How he didnt think twice about saying goodbye to my son's, but rather, chased his drug addicted wife of to Tennessee. He didnt even talk to the boys for nearly a year. Well, Ive just learned (from my oldest son)that she has left him. She decided she no longer loves him and moved out. I know I said things have a way of turning themselves around and also something about karma coming back ten fold?? This is a perfect example. For all the things that he put me thru (including but not limited to), chasing him for child support, constantly making promises to the children that he never kept, not staying in contact with them when they were young and needed him the most, forgetting birthdays, tears that I had to wipe away because Daddy didnt show up to take them for the weekend. I must say, this couldnt happen to a nicer guy! My question to him would be, was it worth it? Now, you have nothing. Yes, your older son still talks to you but your youngest son wont pick up the phone when you call. 14 years my sons came second to the idiot that he married and now, what does he have to show for it? For all of those single parents out there struggling and wondering how the other parent could turn their back on your child/children, this ones for you. It may take a while but life always has a way of coming back to bite you in the butt. I guess im feeling a little vindicated right now. I hated that man for a very long time, now, I only pity him. He can tell his sob story to someone else because neither I nor Brad(my youngest son) want to hear anything he has to say. You made your bed Kevin, now you have to lay in it.........ALONE.

Cell Phones

When is a child old enough to have a cell phone? I have noticed in recent years, the ages for children has gotten younger and younger. My oldest didn't get a phone until he was 16, and then it was only because his father put it on his account. I decided to get my youngest son a phone for his 15th birthday. He isn't the type of child that spends hours on the phone so I figured it would be a safe bet. I'm glad I made the choice to avoid that whole situation with my oldest because he ended up with some pretty healthy phone bills. My youngest has not. He only went over his minutes twice in a year and that was because of texting. My problem is the fact that he continues to lose his phone. I don't know what to do (besides pin it to his shirt) to keep him from losing it. The phone isn't the only thing has has lost on a regular basis, his wallet is a tight runner up. How could anyone, with a wallet full of birthday money, misplace his wallet? I know when I have money in my purse, I never let it out of my site. At 16, you'd think he would be a little more cautious with what he does. I'm almost to the point of giving up. I got a 2 year contract on the phone so I still have another year to pay on it, but the fact that he continually loses it really infuriates me. How do you teach a child responsibility? I try to tell him that if someone else gets a hold of that phone, they can use it and run up my phone bill. His reply to that is to have it turned off until he finds it. So, I'm doing that every other week. Maybe a child needs to wait until they are an adult to have the responsibility of a cell phone. What did we do when we were young? It seems, I made it to adulthood without any casualties secondary to not having a cell phone. Why do kids nowadays need to have one? If we kept tabs on our children, the way our parents did, we would never need to call them to find out where they are at. I don't know what the answer is. I just know, this whole situation is making me very tired. I sure hope my son pulls it together in the next year, otherwise, adulthood is going to be a rude awakening.

TT #50

13 things that most people look for in a potential partner

1. Loyalty/Fidelity

2. Intelligence

3. Good Conversationalist

4. Sense of Humor

5. Honesty/Integrity

6. Similar interests

7. Nice smile

8. Compassionate

9. Likes children

10. Gets along well with others

11. Attractive

12. Good in bed

13.Financially stable

Wordless Wednesday

A great way to earn a couple bucks

As I gathered all of my cans and plastic bottles today, I grunted and groaned. Collecting them isn't the hard part, its finding time to cash them in. I have been doing this for many years and its a great way to earn a couple bucks. Heck, you spend enough on groceries, why throw away what you can get back? As a single mother, you try to cut corners where you can. I have found that when you need a few things from the store, in between pay periods, turning in your recyclables is a great way to get a gallon of milk, some toilet paper, and a loaf of bread. Its not rocket science and its great for the environment. I don't understand how people can throw their cans and bottles away when it only takes 2 seconds to store them in a bag or can designated for this kind of stuff. You can save them up for months or weeks. Either way, no matter how much you have accumulated, you are guaranteed to get some money back!! Ya, its a pain in the butt to package them up and drive to a recycle location, and yes you tend to get soda all over your hands leaving them very sticky, but the reward is extra cash in your pocket. What you need to do is change your mind set. Don't see it as a chore, think of it more as an investment in your cupboards.

Cheaters

Id like to know what your definition of a cheater is....I know the actual act of cheating is a no brainer, but what about the online stuff? If your man visited porn sites when you werent around, would he be a cheater? What about if he put up a profile on a single site? Better yet, what if he responded to someone's ad on a site like Craigslist? He claimed he never actually did anything but how can you trust a word he says after finding out he has been trying to hook up with other women behind your back? If you had been with a guy, and thought you were happy, then found something like this out, what would you do? Is that technically cheating? How could you ever trust him again? My first husband had an affair at the end of our marriage, but since then, Ive never had to deal with this issue and Ive noticed a number of women complaining about what their men do online when they arent around. It made me curious. What is the status quo on being a cheater? With me, its a trust issue. If he is lieing to you about something like this then basically he cant be trusted. And wouldnt it make you wonder what else he has done behind your back? I dont know about you but I would feel like a fool. Its a shame when you put your heart and soul into a relationship and then end up getting slapped in the face. Maybe all men really are dogs. Although, I dont think thats true. I have been with some pretty great guys that would never do that to me or any other woman for that matter. I guess thats what seperates the real men from the self absorbed assholes only looking to get their rocks off. Boy, isnt that a fine line?

MOM does not = Made Of Money

Is it just me or does it seem that children think we have an endless supply of money just for them? “I need $5 dollars for this and $10 dollars for that” are regular requests in my house. True, it has tapered off quite a bit since my oldest son left, but it hasn’t diminished completely. Not to mention, it always seems that this money is needed at 9:30 at night, the night before a major event or expense, and you have nothing in your wallet. Of course, a steady supply of money is never in my wallet anyway. I use my ATM card quite a bit, as many people do these days, so having hard cash is almost obsolete. My son came to me last night to notify me that he used his lunch money to get something that he needed for school. When asked why I wasn’t notified of this expense at an earlier time he said that it just “came up”. He wanted me to refurbish his money loss for lunch. Mind you, it was 9:15 at night and I just got home. I understand kids need things, I really do, but shouldn’t we have at least a 48 hour grace period? The fact that I don’t have a steady supply of cash flow in my wallet comes as a surprise to him. Just wait!! When that kid is out on his own and has to actually buy toilet paper, soda, shampoo (although, I’m not sure he’d miss this), and toothpaste, he is really going to come to a rude awakening. His surprise at my empty wallet will be a realization in his world. I know for a fact that this is a reality for my oldest son. He was very appreciative during his last visit when Mom was paying his food bill for almost 2 weeks. The constant money that he always had flowing thru his wallet while he lived at home and worked, has become a thing of the past. I think I’m going to get a shirt or plaque with the above saying on it. That way, the next time my son comes to me for that endless supply of cash that he so frequently needs, I can point and remind him that just because he calls me Mom, doesn’t mean I’m Made Of Money. Are there any mothers out there that can feel my pain?

Are fears of single parents the same as non-single parents?

That’s an interesting question. I think on a few levels, yes. Being a parent is a scary thing. When a baby is crying and you don’t know why, that’s a parenting thing. When you’re dealing with it on your own and don’t get a break, that’s a single parenting thing. Kids are hard creatures to understand. I had a little help with both of my children when they were babies because I didn’t leave my husband until my youngest was almost 2. It’s nice to have someone else to lean on when times get tough and to console you when you’re upset. In looking back, I often wonder how I did it. I think the biggest thing you need to do is establish a routine. Kids do very well when they are in a structured environment. For example, eating at the same time, taking a bath and going to bed at the same time, really helps to get them on a schedule. Kids don’t come with manuals but wouldn’t that be great? No two children are alike. What works for one rarely works for the other. It’s all about trial and error. I think that whether you are a single parent or just a parent in general, raising children can be a scary reality. It’s a little easier when you understand what they want but under age 2 and after age12 (gotta love those teenagers), you’re really in the dark. So, I guess the answer to that question is yes. Being a parent is scary no matter what the circumstance is, however, its very rewarding. I know as a single parent you experience more guilt than a non-single parent but that’s to be expected. Don’t over compensate for an absent parent. Just be open and honest and do the best job you can. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. As soon as you realize that, the rest is a piece of cake (Ya Right!).

In Loving Memory of my Dad

Born 11/29/1940 - put to rest on 2/13/2008

I Love You Papa......to say you will be missed is an understatement. The people you have left behind will never be the same without you.

I will not be participating in WW or TT this week because....

Unfortunatley, my father has come to the end of a long hard fight with cirrhosis and prostate cancer. We took him off of everything except pain meds so they dont expect him to last much longer. This last couple of weeks have been very hard on me and my family. I love my Dad with all my heart and Im so glad I was able to tell him how I felt before he slipped into a coma. So, this ones for you Dad!! Thanks for everything you've done for me.....for the countless brake jobs you did on my car and never let me forget, for the tri-tip tacos on Sunday nights, for reminding everyone I ever brought home to meet you how much I loved macaroni and cheese while I was growing up and that's why you nick named me "rackaroni", for constantly picking me up off the ground and brushing me off when I made mistakes, and for all of those fun trips we took too the River. Thank you also for adopting me when I was 4 and never making me feel any different than my sisters. It was an honor that you choose me as your daughter. I love you Papa and I will never, ever forget you. May you have beautiful dreams and dont forget to tell Grandma, Grandpa Rog, and Grandpa Buzz I said Hi. You're my hero!!

Valentines Day

One of the loneliest days of the year for a single person is Valentine's Day. Although Christmas and New Years can be a little tough too, they aren't a holiday based strictly on love. It's a day when one person shows the other person how much they mean to each other by doing something sweet or romantic. I'm here to tell you though, it doesn't have to be a holiday you dread. Do something for yourself if there is no significant other. Buy yourself some flowers or ask a friend to dinner. Avoid putting yourself in a situation that would make you depressed. Don't reminisce about Valentine's Day from your past, make a decision to show yourself some love. Or, if you really want to spend it with someone, go on one of those dating sites and meet someone. I've suggested many singles sites in previous blogs, all you have to do is choose one or surf them all. Alot of people are alone because they choose to be. You have to put yourself out there in order to find your perfect match. Don't let one bad relationship spoil the rest of your life. Shut the door on your pain and open a new door for your happiness. We live in a new generation of dating so there is no excuse to be alone if you don't want to be. Valentines day doesn't have to be a death sentence or a guaranteed lonely night at home, do something for yourself and have fun!

Things to remember….

When you are feeling down, here are a few things to remember. You have so very much. There are people who love you. There is a world of beauty and opportunity all around you. You can think. You can act. You can make choices. You can learn. You can grow. You have hopes and dreams, and the ability to follow them. You can make a true and lasting difference in the world around you. You have a day full of life that's waiting to be lived, right here and now. You have challenges, which can build your strength, and energy with which to meet them. Life is far from perfect and yet completely abundant. The fact that some of the details could be improved only serves to show what a true blessing it is to be alive and able to make things happen. Ninety-five percent of what the wealthiest, most successful people alive have, you have too. And that other five percent is yours to create as you see fit. You get out of life what you put into it. When life gets you down just remember, this too shall pass. My DBF Michael told me something when I was very depressed about a week ago regarding things that were happening with my life and my job. He said if you always dwell on the negative, you invite that into your life. Try your best to be positive. I think it’s more like the power of suggestion theory and it makes sense. So, even if things aren’t going your way right now, a week from now, maybe even a month from now it will be a memory. The good Lord never gives you more than you cant handle so have a little faith in yourself. You can get through anything…remember that.

A life altering decision

Well, I finally did it. I've worked for my current employer for nearly six years and I decided to move on. It was one of the hardest decisions I had to make but one that had to be done. When you work for someone that purposely makes your life unbearable, there is no need to stay. That wasn't the only reason. Lord knows Ive had my share of bosses that were hard to deal with but they wanted to change my hours to something that would make my son a very lonely boy. I couldn't bare the thought of him eating dinner by himself every night and only seeing him for a short time before bed. Not to mention, they wanted me to work weekends and holidays. As a single mother, what do you do? Do you stick it out for fear of making a change or do you make a decision that you know will be the best one for your child? I've done alot of praying and soul searching in these past couple months and I think I have made the right decision. Its not easy for me to move past my comfort zone and into the unknown, but I felt that I had no other choice. When there are two parents living at home, you have someone you can rely on to help you with the parenting. If you're by yourself, you have to weigh the pro's and con's. I think any job that wouldn't take into consideration your responsibilities as a single parent is not the right job for me. I have only taken a slight cut in wages but that's a small price to pay for being able to spend time with my son. He is 16 and will only be around for a little while longer before I send him out into the world. He really needs my guidance now as he goes into the home stretch on his way to being an adult. If I chose to stay, I would have let him down. Leaving a job is never easy but I think the new company I will be working for is a place I can call home. I will not only be able to eat with my son every night and tuck him in, but spend my weekends with him as well. Don't let a job control your life. If you aren't happy, do the right thing and move on. When one door shuts, another one always opens. Wish me luck!!

TT #49

13 Valentines day ideas for under $20 dollars

1. Watch a bargain matinee movie. Follow it with a romantic walk. Bring a picnic basket with food made from home.

2. Visit a local botanical garden. Follow it with a visit to your local farmer's market. While you're there, grab a bouquet of flowers.

3. Pack a lunch for you and your date and head off of to the beach or the lake for the day. Bring a ball or Frisbee to play with.

4. Enjoy a free outdoor concert (if you're living in temperate climates). Pack a bottle of wine or champagne and some cheese and bread for a romantic evening outdoors.

5. Spend the day window shopping at your favorite shopping center. End the date with a trip to an ice cream parlor to share a hot fudge sundae.

6. Scour your local paper or event guides for 2-for-1 dinner coupons to your favorite restaurants. Complete the evening with a moonlit stroll in the park.

7. Find a local street fair or city fair and make plans to attend.

8. Visit an art museum, and then complete the date with conversation over coffee.

9. Go on a wine-tasting tour at local wineries.

10. Buy a disposable camera and take photos of each other in different places. When the film is developed, create a scrapbook or pick two favorites and frame them.

11. Find out what shows, expos or conventions are in town and arrange to see one that you and your date would enjoy.

12. Find 2-for-1 coupons for a local theater or arts event. Afterwards, visit a free art museum or expo.

13. Go to a large bookstore and spend time browsing the books and magazines. If you check ahead of time, you may be able to catch a local author's reading or live music event.

More awards from Chuck!!

Running to win gave my blog these 2 very cool awards. She also goes by Chuck, to those of you who arent familiar. Stop by her blog when you get the chance.

Thank you so much....I am sure feeling the love these days. You're awesome!!

Wordless Wednesday

How many of you remember these?

One year ago today I started my blog!! Is it Happy Birthday or Happy Anniversary?

Thank you all for your continued love and support. You guys are great!

The Sheer Cover Makeup company are crooks!!

Have any of you ever bought anything from a TV commercial?? I did and I was robbed! I was watching a commercial for Sheer Cover Makeup last Saturday. They had an introductory offer of $9.95 to try their make up, so I ordered it. I just received it today and there was a bill attached for $116.00 dollars for what they shipped me. When I called and spoke to Michelle at the company, she said that she knows it says $9.95 but that is was not true. Since the order wasnt shipped from their warehouse, they didnt offer that special and that she was sorry it didnt state the actual amount. She then tried to sell me another kit for $29.95. I was told I had 30 days to try it and send it back before the next payment of $30.00 dollars was charged to my account. I am pissed!! This is false advertising and I plan on reporting them to the Better Business Bureau. How can anyone get away with this?? I want to send a message out to women everywhere, dont get sucked in by this companies phony promises. Its a typical bait and switch accompanied by a blatant lie. Please pass the word...THE SHEER COVER MAKEUP COMPANY are crooks. Shame on you for taking advantage of a single mother!! Im shipping it back on Monday but guess who is out $26.18?? And I got NOTHING for my money. If any of you have the same issue with this company or another company, you can file a complaint at this link to the Better Business Bureau.

Separation, when is it time to leave?

You’ve been fighting for weeks, months, even years. You keep hoping things are going to get better but they don’t. Your days are filled with anxiety about the fight you had the night before and you can’t seem to concentrate anymore. Nothing is right in your relationship and you have finally come to the determination that maybe its time to leave. How do you know if that’s the right choice? You start second guessing yourself and having doubts about being a single parent. The fear of leaving and the anxiety of staying are in constant battle with each other. That’s when its time to stop and take a deep cleansing breath. My mother’s answer to any problem, that you’re having a hard time making a decision, is to sit down and write a list of Pro’s and Con’s. What are the reasons to leave and why should you stay? My personal opinion is that, if you are miserable on a regular basis in your world, its time for a change. Being a single parent will never be easy, but being a parent in general is challenging too. As a mother, you take care of your family on a regular basis. When you live on your own, you do the same thing only you have more of a financial burden. If you have a spouse that is willing to help out until you figure things out, that’s great. However, 9 times out of 10, that isn’t the case. I suggest moving into a place you can afford. Pencil everything out and, if you need to, do an “Order to show Cause” and take your spouse to court for child support until things are resolved. It’s never an easy decision but being a martyr isn’t an option either. People change and grow apart, that’s just the way life is. Think about what’s best for you and stick by your decision. If a little space is all you need to clear your head and that helps you decide to stay, that’s great. I wouldn’t rent a place with a long lease if you feel there is a chance you may reconcile. Either way, you need to know that life isn’t supposed to be miserable. You only have one shot here on earth, make the most of it and be happy.

Single Mothers Headache

As single mothers, we are faced with the burden of bringing home the bacon. The bills of our household are our responsibility, as well as, the chores, the yard work, the school functions and projects, doctors and dentist visits for kids, late night feedings, car maintenance, and the list goes on. We live our life on the edge. There is always something to do. We depend on our jobs to make sure that our kids dont do without. Then, a job you've been in for 6 years decides to turn your world upside down. They change your hours and say that you now have to work rotating weekends and holidays. What do you do? Not to mention, your 8 hour days are changed to 10. How are you supposed to function with a new schedule when you still have a teenage child at home? If you were single and didnt have anyone depending on you, it wouldnt be such an issue...but you do. When I was younger, I use to job hop quite a bit. As a single parent, you have to eat alot more crap and take attitude from your superiors like never before. It isnt fair. You are a dependable employee, never call off sick, yet your wants and needs arent even a concern to the "powers that be." Oh well, its times like these I know you should be thankful you have a job. Ive become a professional at sucking up alot of frustration, so why stop now? My opinion on this is, if they put more single parents incharge of companies, there would be alot happier employees. They have more compassion than most and would take your living conditions and responsibilites into consideration before they decided to change your life completely. Just another hurdle to overcome, I guess. Im sure it wont be the last.