October 8, 2007
From a mans point of view....
My girlfriend Roni forwarded me something that I wanted to share. It was written by someone simply known as Rich R., written 9/15/07. This guy is very good. Its Untitled so it must just be a random thought. He sounds like someone that knows a thing or two about relationships:
Face it. Relationships are hard. No lets change that. They’re incredibly hard. To bring two separate types of individuals into a single life to share each other’s thoughts, joys, depression, anger, and happiness. Most likely one of you wont be on the same page as the other at the same times but we expect them to be. Life doesn’t work that way.
We need to remember, we’re two separate people with separate lives and separate problems. Yes, many of your problems involve both of you directly but many don’t. You can never change your partner into someone they’re not. They spent 20 to 50 years becoming who they are. They aren’t going to change for you. It’s not going to happen. They can try but how long will it last until they turn back into the real people they are?
We all have disagreements, arguments, fights, or whatever. In how we do this is the difference in making or breaking a relationship. Remember, every fight leaves some kind of scar. Whether that be emotional or physical. Neither is pleasant and some can last a lifetime. Physical scars heal much quicker than emotional ones. When one suffers enough emotional scars, they get to a point where they are going to explode. They just can’t take it anymore. Their life seems ruined and one can go into a deep depression or be internally working on how to get out of this relationship. Whether that means divorce, an affair, or a complete mental breakdown. This is when someone is most vulnerable.
Would you rather be in a horrible relationship or be alone for a while? Getting yourself back together and then moving on to your new life. And yes, a new life. I know my choice. I have made it twice in my life and both times I made the right choice. I moved on. Was it a difficult decision? Absolutely, tremendously hard but one I had to make to keep my sanity and not be sucked up into their miserable world. Be safe and be good to yourself.
Wow….its funny hearing it come from a guy. As women, we always think that its us that suffer more than the men. However, Im not sure about that anymore. I can understand what he is saying from past experience and failures. Sometimes making the decision to walk away is the only route you can take. Be strong and do whats best for you.
Thank you Roni for sharing that with me and being there for me. We've been through alot of good times and bad in the 28 years that we've been friends. I think we both got something out of this!
Face it. Relationships are hard. No lets change that. They’re incredibly hard. To bring two separate types of individuals into a single life to share each other’s thoughts, joys, depression, anger, and happiness. Most likely one of you wont be on the same page as the other at the same times but we expect them to be. Life doesn’t work that way.
We need to remember, we’re two separate people with separate lives and separate problems. Yes, many of your problems involve both of you directly but many don’t. You can never change your partner into someone they’re not. They spent 20 to 50 years becoming who they are. They aren’t going to change for you. It’s not going to happen. They can try but how long will it last until they turn back into the real people they are?
We all have disagreements, arguments, fights, or whatever. In how we do this is the difference in making or breaking a relationship. Remember, every fight leaves some kind of scar. Whether that be emotional or physical. Neither is pleasant and some can last a lifetime. Physical scars heal much quicker than emotional ones. When one suffers enough emotional scars, they get to a point where they are going to explode. They just can’t take it anymore. Their life seems ruined and one can go into a deep depression or be internally working on how to get out of this relationship. Whether that means divorce, an affair, or a complete mental breakdown. This is when someone is most vulnerable.
Would you rather be in a horrible relationship or be alone for a while? Getting yourself back together and then moving on to your new life. And yes, a new life. I know my choice. I have made it twice in my life and both times I made the right choice. I moved on. Was it a difficult decision? Absolutely, tremendously hard but one I had to make to keep my sanity and not be sucked up into their miserable world. Be safe and be good to yourself.
Wow….its funny hearing it come from a guy. As women, we always think that its us that suffer more than the men. However, Im not sure about that anymore. I can understand what he is saying from past experience and failures. Sometimes making the decision to walk away is the only route you can take. Be strong and do whats best for you.
Thank you Roni for sharing that with me and being there for me. We've been through alot of good times and bad in the 28 years that we've been friends. I think we both got something out of this!
October 7, 2007
Cheap Holiday Gift Ideas
I know what its like to dread the holidays because of little to no cash flow. I’ve done it since I became a single parent in 1993. For me, the priority was always my kids. I bought for them first and what ever was left over, I spent on my family. Its a lot easier when the kids are younger because the expenses aren’t quite as high dollar as the older kids…however, with all the new computer and video game technology, the kids are starting younger and younger. Here are a few cheap Christmas ideas I wanted to share that you can use for friends or family:
Family Pictures - Every year until my oldest son went in the military, I would get their pictures taken and pass those out as presents. If you play your cards right, you can get great deals around September and October. I would buy the frames at Wal-Mart or Big Lots and everyone loved them
Craft Bag - This can be done very reasonably. Take a large shoebox, and fill with odds and ends that can be used to make things. Cotton balls, tissue paper, glue, markers, paper, etc. Be creative. Even things like buttons and ribbon.
Makeup Kit - This idea is great for teen girls. Take a shoebox and fill with nail polish, polish remover, cosmetics, etc. You can cover the shoebox and write their name on the top of the box.
Garden Gift "Basket" - For the garden lover. Use a large clay pot for your "basket" fill with seeds, gloves, tools, plant food, etc.
Foaming Vanilla Bath -
1 cup oil (any vegetable oil)
1/2 c. liquid soap
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup honey (optional)
Blend the ingredients together. Shake well before using. Use 1/4 cup per bath.
You can be very creative with the packaging of bath products. Take an empty wine cooler four pack (complete with box). Spray paint the box white (or gold or silver). Sponge paint with contrasting color. Wash labels off of bottles but keep the lids. Decorate the bottle with paint pens, with designs like squiggles, etc. Pour foaming bath in each bottle, close lids and put in box. Gifts for the Kids You don't have to break the bank to give kids practical and fun gifts that they will actually use.
If anyone else has some great ideas for gifts, please feel free to share. Wouldn’t it be nice to have Christmas done and paid for before it actually happens and with no lingering credit card bills? I will post your ideas and give you full credit!!!
Family Pictures - Every year until my oldest son went in the military, I would get their pictures taken and pass those out as presents. If you play your cards right, you can get great deals around September and October. I would buy the frames at Wal-Mart or Big Lots and everyone loved them
Craft Bag - This can be done very reasonably. Take a large shoebox, and fill with odds and ends that can be used to make things. Cotton balls, tissue paper, glue, markers, paper, etc. Be creative. Even things like buttons and ribbon.
Makeup Kit - This idea is great for teen girls. Take a shoebox and fill with nail polish, polish remover, cosmetics, etc. You can cover the shoebox and write their name on the top of the box.
Garden Gift "Basket" - For the garden lover. Use a large clay pot for your "basket" fill with seeds, gloves, tools, plant food, etc.
Foaming Vanilla Bath -
1 cup oil (any vegetable oil)
1/2 c. liquid soap
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup honey (optional)
Blend the ingredients together. Shake well before using. Use 1/4 cup per bath.
You can be very creative with the packaging of bath products. Take an empty wine cooler four pack (complete with box). Spray paint the box white (or gold or silver). Sponge paint with contrasting color. Wash labels off of bottles but keep the lids. Decorate the bottle with paint pens, with designs like squiggles, etc. Pour foaming bath in each bottle, close lids and put in box. Gifts for the Kids You don't have to break the bank to give kids practical and fun gifts that they will actually use.
If anyone else has some great ideas for gifts, please feel free to share. Wouldn’t it be nice to have Christmas done and paid for before it actually happens and with no lingering credit card bills? I will post your ideas and give you full credit!!!
October 6, 2007
Beep Beep Bon Appetite'
Chicken and Rice Casserole
2 tablespoons butter or vegetable oil
1 medium onion, peeled and diced
3 cups diced, cooked chicken
2 (14 1/2-ounce) cans green beans, drained and rinsed
1 (8-ounce) can water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1 (4-ounce) jar pimentos
1 (10 3/4-ounce) can condensed cream of celery soup
1 cup mayonnaise
1 (6-ounce) box long-grain wild rice, cooked according to package directions
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar
Pinch salt
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Heat butter or oil in a small skillet over medium heat. Add onion and saute until translucent, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.
Add all remaining ingredients to bowl and mix together until thoroughly combined.
Pour into a greased 3-quart casserole dish. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until bubbly. Let stand for a few minutes before serving.
October 5, 2007
THE "5 ME" MEME
I've been tagged by the gal herself to share 5 things about myself that I have never shared before. This is going to be hard because I use my blog almost like a diary. Those who read my blog on a regular basis know alot about me but here goes!!
1. My mother was a single mother also. She did a great job of raising me and my younger sister and I truly believe I get my strength from her.
2. My mother was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma earlier this year. She is only 59 and is currently undergoing treatment. This has been one of the hardest things for me to endure and I pray every night that God will help to heal her body into a full recovery.
3. I'm obsessive compulsive about alot of things, especially in my job.
4. Ive just started a new workout routine to help me feel better about myself.
5. I dont like Broccoli, Cauliflower, Mushrooms, Onions or Olives .
No meme is complete without tags. I talk to these girls on a regular basis and admire them for who they are and what they do for me when I read their blogs. I would love to know more about them.
List 5 things about yourself that you have never shared before.
1. My mother was a single mother also. She did a great job of raising me and my younger sister and I truly believe I get my strength from her.
2. My mother was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma earlier this year. She is only 59 and is currently undergoing treatment. This has been one of the hardest things for me to endure and I pray every night that God will help to heal her body into a full recovery.
3. I'm obsessive compulsive about alot of things, especially in my job.
4. Ive just started a new workout routine to help me feel better about myself.
5. I dont like Broccoli, Cauliflower, Mushrooms, Onions or Olives .
No meme is complete without tags. I talk to these girls on a regular basis and admire them for who they are and what they do for me when I read their blogs. I would love to know more about them.
Domestic abuse
I spent some time watching the Lifetime Channel last weekend. For those of you who arent familiar with it, its a channel for women. My son always teases me because everytime im watching a movie on that channel, someone is going thru some type of crisis. I have to laugh...he's right. The theme last weekend was domestic abuse. I can understand what some women go thru on one level. I was never physically abused, but I have been emotionally and mentally. I tried to grasp the reality that this thing happens all the time. Women with and without children find themselves is situations that they cant seem to get out of. Either for financial reasons or because they are in fear for their life. It appeared that the women in the 2 movies I watched received little to no help from the justice system and I know, just from dealing with people that have been thru this, there was alot of truth there. Most of time the police do nothing until someone is put in the hospital. Restraining orders are a joke. What are you suppose to do when the person you're afraid of has you in a death grip, threatening to end your life?? Show him a piece of paper that states he needs to stay 500 feet away from you?? How do we get ourselves in situations like this? When it happens the first time, that should be a tell tale sign to run...but we dont. Instead, we listens to promises of change. "It will never happen again", is a phrase that becomes edged in our brains...then, we start to believe that. They beat you down until you lose site of who you are. I want you to know that no woman deserves this. No one should have so much power over you that you feel like a whipped dog dreading each day because you know the hope for better things is only a dream. There are organizations that help battered women. They get you to a safe house, and in some cases, help to change your identity. Dont wait until its too late.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.Until the violence stops, the hotline will continue to answer…One Call at a Time. Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 140 languages through interpreter services. I hope this information helps.
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.Until the violence stops, the hotline will continue to answer…One Call at a Time. Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 140 languages through interpreter services. I hope this information helps.
October 4, 2007
TT #31
This banner was made just for my blog by Cindi at Whispering from the wings. Isnt she talented?? Thanks again!!
Thirteen Ways To Love Your Lover
1. Leave them love notes – Hidden in their lunch, a book they are reading, the visor of their car, any place unexpected but that they will be sure to find it.
2. Bake them something they love - like brownies, then put their initials on the top with M&M’s.
3. Send them a text message – or an email that they will get first thing in the morning when they get to work…just a little something simple to let them know you are thinking about them. Send them an e-card. Here is a great website for that.
4. Give them your undivided attention – if they have a story to tell, give them your full attention. Look them in the eyes so they know you care.
5. Hold Hands – I think this is the sweetest sign of affection. Its like saying, “I love you and Im there for you.”
6. Flirt with each other– start the foreplay before the bedroom. Ive found if you tease each other all day, the sex that night is off the charts.
7. Wear something sexy - either on top or underneath your clothes. Sexy bra’s and panties can be a real turn on.
8. Snuggle – Watch a movie together and just touch each other.
9. Give them surprises – Buy them a card just because, or pick up a bag of their favorite brand of M&M’s.
10. Make out – Its hard to do this without it leading to sex but sometimes I just like to lay there and kiss…its one of my favorite things to do.
11. Always make them feel special – men have a tendency to have roaming eyes (well, some women do to)…but when you’re out with someone special, put that roaming eye away. That’s rude and disrespectful. A woman likes to feel like SHE is the only one rather than being in competition with all of the other women on the planet.
12. Have a picnic indoors (or in bed) – anyone for strawberries and chocolate?? Don’t forget the whip cream!!
13. Body massages – this can be very erotic and shows the other person that you love them and want them to feel good. Heck, even a good foot massage can say a lot without saying anything.
October 3, 2007
Happy 16th Birthday Brad!!!
MyHotComments
Here is a shout out to my youngest son Brad for his 16th birthday. Wait until you see what I got you!!!!!I love you and I am sooooo proud of you. Let's go eat some Chinese food because everyone knows that's your favorite:) However, we can not celebrate until after 4:18pm because that is when you will officially be 16!!
October 2, 2007
Oh Britney.....I am so NOT surprised at the outcome...
Anyone that would make an ass of herself over and over again in public and fail to comply with the courts requirements to keep her kids deserves to lose them!! What an idiot...this girl really needs help. I dont know if giving them to their loser father is the right thing either. Now he REALLY doesnt have to get a job!! I, myself, think her mother should have custody if anyone was going to get it. Its funny...when they were married, they made Kevin out to be the worst father and husband ever...now, they make him out to be father of the year. Come on...the guy is still no good, he just doesnt have the cameras on him 24/7 like Britney. After all, he did leave his ex girlfriend Shar, while she was 6 months pregnant, to be with Britney. He doesnt pay child support for those kids either!! Britney needs to disappear and get her life back on track...but, I believe she is so selfish and self centered, it wont happen. God bless those beautiful boys...they dont deserve such screwed up parents. Look at what money buys you......AMAZING!!! What a perfect example of how NOT to be a single mother.
Ways to survive the holidays after a divorce or seperation.
Dealing with separation, divorce and loss is magnified during the holiday season. Even the anticipation can be unbearable. Many people feel overwhelmed by the stress and strain of trying to maintain the status quo, when in fact, their entire world is collapsing around them. The Holiday season serves as a reminder of happier times and is contrasted by the reality of loneliness and depression. While others are eagerly anticipating the holidays, a newly separated or divorced person often approaches this time of year with panic, sadness, and dread. Although there are no magical solutions to cure the holiday blues, there are things you can do to make it easier to cope.
Plan Ahead - Do something that is fun, relaxing, and as stress free as possible with people you really care about. If the holidays are just too painful and the reminders are everywhere, consider a vacation that allows you to "escape " the painful triggers.
Start new family traditions - You may want to hold on to some of the past traditions but it is a good idea to create some new rituals with friends and family.
Reassure your kids - Children can help create some of the new holiday rituals and traditions. Take time to brainstorm with your children about new ideas for celebrating.
Is it in the best interest of the child/children - Decide ahead of time how holidays will be divided. Reassure kids that you will be OK while they are with the other parent. Remember, tired kids will be stressed out and cranky, so plan according to their ages and ability to adjust. Keep the arrangements as simple as possible. My kids always spent Christmas morning with their Dad and Christmas Eve and Christmas night with me. It worked out great.
Make a schedule - Make a list of everything you need to do for the holidays and a target date to accomplish your goals.
Ask for help from family and friends- Rely on a healthy support system if you are feeling isolated, lonely or depressed. Talk it out and get it out. I don’t know what I would do without my family and friends. Sometimes its even better than counseling.
Be realistic - Picture perfect holidays are usually just an illusion. Have realistic expectations about the holiday season, especially the first year.
Take care of yourself - Get enough sleep and exercise. Eat healthy in order to maximize your ability to cope. It's easy to overeat or party too much to medicate your pain, but in the long run, it creates more problems.
Schedule time to rest - Give yourself a break. You deserve it!
One day at a time/one holiday at a time - It will get easier. It will get better. It will hurt less. Right now, just concentrate on one thing at a time!
If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or stuck, seek professional help. If for nothing else, to get you through the holidays. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive environment in which you can gain insight, learn problem-solving skills and find solutions to dealing with the anger and pain of separation and divorce.
Maybe if you're good, Santa will bring you one of these this year.
Plan Ahead - Do something that is fun, relaxing, and as stress free as possible with people you really care about. If the holidays are just too painful and the reminders are everywhere, consider a vacation that allows you to "escape " the painful triggers.
Start new family traditions - You may want to hold on to some of the past traditions but it is a good idea to create some new rituals with friends and family.
Reassure your kids - Children can help create some of the new holiday rituals and traditions. Take time to brainstorm with your children about new ideas for celebrating.
Is it in the best interest of the child/children - Decide ahead of time how holidays will be divided. Reassure kids that you will be OK while they are with the other parent. Remember, tired kids will be stressed out and cranky, so plan according to their ages and ability to adjust. Keep the arrangements as simple as possible. My kids always spent Christmas morning with their Dad and Christmas Eve and Christmas night with me. It worked out great.
Make a schedule - Make a list of everything you need to do for the holidays and a target date to accomplish your goals.
Ask for help from family and friends- Rely on a healthy support system if you are feeling isolated, lonely or depressed. Talk it out and get it out. I don’t know what I would do without my family and friends. Sometimes its even better than counseling.
Be realistic - Picture perfect holidays are usually just an illusion. Have realistic expectations about the holiday season, especially the first year.
Take care of yourself - Get enough sleep and exercise. Eat healthy in order to maximize your ability to cope. It's easy to overeat or party too much to medicate your pain, but in the long run, it creates more problems.
Schedule time to rest - Give yourself a break. You deserve it!
One day at a time/one holiday at a time - It will get easier. It will get better. It will hurt less. Right now, just concentrate on one thing at a time!
If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or stuck, seek professional help. If for nothing else, to get you through the holidays. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive environment in which you can gain insight, learn problem-solving skills and find solutions to dealing with the anger and pain of separation and divorce.
Maybe if you're good, Santa will bring you one of these this year.
October 1, 2007
How does a single mother do it all and have a sex life??
Sex is a very big part of my life, it always has been. I can be happy without it, but not for long. Some women see the end of a marriage (that involves children), as the end if their sex life. They think no one will want them because NOW they have kids. This is not true, however, the younger the child…the more creative you need to become. When I left my husband, Steven and Brad were 1 & 4. Even though I left him, I continued to sleep with him on the side because it was easy. I didn’t have to worry about babysitters, I knew my kids were safe, and they didn’t think twice when Daddy came to their new house and stayed the night. In hind site, I guess it was more of a closure thing than anything but I’m not sure it was the right thing. I dated for about 7 months off and on…it was more off than on because I needed to find a babysitter first and my mother was never quick to offer. I believe you have to set boundaries. I think bringing a man to your home after just meeting him is wrong. First of all, you don’t know him, second of all, what if he ends up being a whack job?? Then you’ve put you and your kids in danger. When I met Richard, my bf of 8 years, it was 3 months before I brought him home and even long before he met my kids. He would come over when they were in bed. I’m not advertising for premarital sex, in the eyes of many its wrong…but I never claimed to be a saint. We, as women, have needs and just because you’re a single mother doesn’t mean you have to be celibate until you find a potential husband. We’ve come a long way and its OK to take a test drive before you buy anything. My suggestion to you is, keep your single/available woman life separate from your single Mommy life. The chances of you finding Mr. Right the first time around after a failed marriage aren’t very good and you don’t want your kids to get attached to people that wont be in their life 3 months from now. Kids have enough to deal with, they don’t need the added confusion. Even though my oldest is in the Navy now and my youngest is 16, I STILL have respect for them when it comes to having men stay the night. After living with their single mother all their lives, they understand the drill now. Mom will tell them about the new man in her life when there is something to tell!!!
September 29, 2007
Beep Beep Bon Appetite'
Baked French Toast Casserole with Maple Syrup
1 loaf French bread (13 to 16 ounces)
8 large eggs
2 cups half-and-half
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Dash salt
Praline Topping (recipe follows)
Maple syrup
8 large eggs
2 cups half-and-half
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Dash salt
Praline Topping (recipe follows)
Maple syrup
Slice French bread into 20 slices, 1-inch each. (Use any extra bread for garlic toast or bread crumbs). Arrange slices in a generously buttered 9 by 13-inch flat baking dish in 2 rows, overlapping the slices. In a large bowl, combine the eggs, half-and-half, milk, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt and beat with a rotary beater or whisk until blended but not too bubbly. Pour mixture over the bread slices, making sure all are covered evenly with the milk-egg mixture. Spoon some of the mixture in between the slices. Cover with foil and refrigerate overnight.
The next day, preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Spread Praline Topping evenly over the bread and bake for 40 minutes, until puffed and lightly golden. Serve with maple syrup.
Praline Topping:
1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 cup chopped pecans
2 tablespoons light corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and blend well. Makes enough for Baked French Toast Casserole.
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