Empty nest syndrome?

We started cleaning out my oldest son’s room. He has been gone for over 2 years, and up until now, I just left the door shut. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t want to deal with the mess or if I didn’t want to put closure to my son moving out. Having his door shut made it easier in more ways than one. I must say, I’ve had a lot of mixed emotions. I wouldn’t say empty nest because I still have one bird left at home. Going thru his stuff and putting things in boxes to keep and boxes for a garage sale made me a little misty though. I was in there last night by myself and it’s hard to believe a lifetime of memories can fit into very few boxes. As I flipped thru the old year books, drawings, football awards, and Navy certificate, it gave me some satisfaction knowing that my son had a pretty good childhood and he has turned into a wonderful Man. I didn’t do too badly as a single mother. I see this as the closing of one door and opening of another. I’m almost done raising my kids. It seems like its here and gone in the blink of an eye. I have no regrets. As we begin renovations on my house, I am sure I will have to part with a lot of things that will close doors to different parts of my life. People change, circumstances change, and life goes on. I’m excited about my future and the renovations about to take place. However, I will never lose track of my past and all of my wonderful memories. Now, on to faze 2 in my life. Yep, it’s all going to be about me for a change. The great thing is, Im 41 and still young enough to enjoy it. I cant wait!

Holidays

I know most people going thru a divorce or break up get melancholy when the holidays roll around. What if a certain holiday brings back nothing but bad memories? Ive had this problem with the 4th of July. I was in a relationships 6 years ago that lasted 8 years. It seemed that every time the 4th of July came around, something would happen and we would end up fighting. Now, even though that is in the past, I feel dread with this particular holiday. I feel almost apprehensive like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have tried to put these memories in the past where they belong but subconsciously, I have a hard time altering my mental state. I'm the first one to say that you are only a victim if you let yourself be. Would this fall into that category? Am I letting a bad relationship from my past dictate my future? I'm sure its like this for many people. When bad things happen around a particular day, you're haunted for years it seems. It doesn't have to be a break up or a fight, it can be a death. My father died the day before Valentines this year. Will it ever be the same again? Can I push those bad feelings aside and try to make new memories? I don't know. I think, pertaining to the 4th, I had so many fights and breaks ups on that day, it may take 6 more years to over come it. I hate that I cant control the way I feel about it. It doesn't seem fair to the person in my life now. This is actually one of his favorite holidays. Maybe, if we have enough good times now and in our future, those bad feelings will eventually become a thing of the past. I'm hoping so. Until then...fireworks just aren't my thing. Any suggestions as to how I can get past this? Is there hope for me?

TT #68

13 things every single parent should know.

1. This too shall pass.

2. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

3. Children live what they learn so chose your partner wisely.

4. Yes, teenagers really can eat that much.

5. No, the Visine isn't for allergies and they aren't holding it for a friend.

6. Ask questions if you want to know whats going on with your child.

7. Believe your gut instinct.

8. If your teen tell's you they are going someplace, have them call from a land line so you can check the number on caller ID.

9. Not all men are jerks.

10. If you don't like the first date, move on. Don't bother with a second. It doesn't get better.

11. Its OK to cry.

12. Be honest with your kids. If you cant afford it, tell them.

13. Some day you will look back at your trials and smile because you survived.

Wordless Wednesday

Bon Appetit'

Stuffed Bell Peppers

INGREDIENTS

* 1 pound ground beef
* 1/2 cup uncooked long grain white rice
* 1 cup water
* 6 green bell peppers
* 2 (8 ounce) cans tomato sauce
* 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
* 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
* 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
* salt and pepper to taste
* 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning


DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. Place the rice and water in a saucepan, and bring to a boil. Reduce heat, cover, and cook 20 minutes. In a skillet over medium heat, cook the beef until evenly browned.
3. Remove and discard the tops, seeds, and membranes of the bell peppers. Arrange peppers in a baking dish with the hollowed sides facing upward. (Slice the bottoms of the peppers if necessary so that they will stand upright.)
4. In a bowl, mix the browned beef, cooked rice, 1 can tomato sauce, Worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, salt, and pepper. Spoon an equal amount of the mixture into each hollowed pepper. Mix the remaining tomato sauce and Italian seasoning in a bowl, and pour over the stuffed peppers.
5. Bake 1 hour in the preheated oven, basting with sauce every 15 minutes, until the peppers are tender.

Let it cool a bit and enjoy. Serve with a side salad and some garlic bread.

TT #67

13 of my favorite foods and/or beverages

1. Vanilla frozen yogurt with chocolate and strawberries on top

2. Tacos

3. Cadillac Margaritas

4. Rocky Road ice cream

5. Shrimp Scampi

6. Steak with baked potato's

7. Chili Rellenos

8. Spaghetti with garlic bread

9. Green Tea Frap from Starbucks

10. Strawberry cheese cake

11. Popcorn with hot tamales at the movies

12. Poached eggs on toast

13. Pancakes

Wordless Wednesday

Closure

The experts say you need closure from one relationship before you can move forward. Do you think its true? It may make you feel better, like you’ve closed the door, but do you REALLY feel like you’ve moved on just because you or someone else made that choice for you? I guess if you are the one that has made the decision it may be easier to consider it closure, but what if you are on the receiving end? Does having someone say it’s over make it hurt any less? I don’t think so. I have put an end to previous relationships, making the move towards closure, and then ended up getting back together. In reality though I guess the door wasn’t shut completely if I opened it and let them back in again. It made the whole process incomplete. In death, a funeral is supposed to be your way of paying your last respects. An ending to a relationship that once was and truely will never be again. Although, I can honestly say, I never got over the death of my grandfather, even after the funeral. He died almost 10 years ago. I haven’t visited the grave site since we buried him because that would make it real. I just don’t think I could see his name on a tombstone. Even now, it would crush me. Closure means different things to different people. Some need it, others don’t. It works for some, but not everyone. I think it’s a healthy process in life that we must go thru to move on. This isn’t just in relationships but things in our life that end….do you need closure or is it safe to just make the decision and move on? Wait, is making the decision actually the closure? Hmmmmm……it makes you wonder.

How do you get back out there?

After a break up or divorce, how do you get back out there? What can you do to ease the fear and let yourself love again? The answer is, you just do it. There is nothing that heals your wounds except time. However, waiting a year or 2 to completely heal is a waste of time. Dating is not only fun but it helps you stay distracted. I wouldn’t rush into a long term relationship because that would definitely be a mistake. Surf the dating sites and put yourself out there but be truthful to the person you are thinking about dating. Let them know that you aren’t looking for a relationship, you just want to have fun. Of course, most men will think you are just looking for a booty call if you make that statement, so watch your wording. If possible, date more than one guy at a time. You also need to be careful that you don’t fall for someone right away. Rebounders are great in helping you make that first step but your heart is very fragile so be careful. There are no rules, it all depends on you. I wouldn’t take longer than 6 months of solitude though, it isn’t healthy, and as far as I’m concerned, is a waste of time. Unless, you were married for a very long time, then, it might take a while especially if you lost a spouse to death. Know yourself and don’t be afraid. Just do it. You will never find the right man if you don’t look. Rarely does Prince Charming come knocking at your door. Remember, you need to give him directions for that. Life is a journey, not a destination. Am I right?

Compromise

When you're in a relationship there is one thing you need to learn, that's compromise. If you decide to move in together you REALLY need to understand it to the next level, especially if you've been living single for a while. Going thru what to keep and what to throw away can be a very tiresome job. I think its important to put things from relationships past in a safe place but definitely out of sight and mind. Its a clean start for two people coming together and unnecessary clutter from your past can be painful to both of you. If we are supposed to love like we've never been hurt then throwing memorabilia from old relationships away or putting them in our memory box is probably your best bet. You don't want to remember the old hurt or failures from your past when you're starting anew. Understanding that your significant other has their own taste and being willing to except moving a frilly thing for something more masculine is the first step to a happily ever after as well. Don't sweat the small stuff. It isn't worth it. Men and women have very different tastes and fighting over such things is just silly. Remember, you moved in together because that's what you wanted. No need to ruin it by disagreements over something petty. Relationships are hard enough. I suggest if there is something that you really don't agree on when it comes to decor, sleep on it. Ask yourself how important it really is then sit down and talk it thru. Make sure to give your reasoning for how you feel and hopefully a peaceful resolution can be found by all parties involved. This includes, but is not limited to, teenager's who throw fits over getting rid of livingroom furniture. Everyone needs to find a happy medium. After all, it really is just stuff. People are what is important. Wouldn't you agree?

Teen pregnancies in Boston

An investigation has been launched into an apparent teenage "pregnancy pact" that has at least 17 high-school girls expecting babies. Most of the girls were aged 16 or younger. A high school health clinic in the city of Gloucester, Mass., became suspicious after seeing a surge in girls seeking pregnancy tests. Nearly half of those who became pregnant appear to have entered into a pact to have their babies together over the year. So, whats going on and where are their parents? I think the illusion teenagers have about babies is that they are a cute and cuddly. No one ever thinks about the 2am feedings, colic, teething, the price of food and diapers, not to mention a job that can actually support a child. Teenagers are just kids themselves. I know alot of girls have children and actually pull it off at a young age, but for the majority, its the parents that end up raising them. Does the fact that they are catholic and don't believe in birth control, play a part in this? I don't think so. We cant blame religion for this one. I would be devastated if it was my child. How in the heck do you talk 17 girls into something like this? The teens were overjoyed to find out that they were pregnant. I don't get it. One of the fathers is a 24 year old homeless guy. HELLO!!!! These girls are not even in relationships. They have no idea what its like to not only be a mother, but a single parent. Nationwide, teen pregnancies are showing signs of rising after steadily declining from 1991 to 2005. I think the fathers need to be held accountable for their actions. Heaven help the parents of these girls. I hope for their sake, and the sake of the unborn children, that things will turn out alright. What do you think? Should the parents be held accountable and how would you treat your child if she was one of the teen's in this pact?

Making people happy

Ive noticed that I spend the majority of my time and life trying to make other people happy. I don't know if its because I'm caring or codependent. I never put my happiness first and cant remember the last time I did. I know alot of people out there would say a trait like this isn't a bad thing because it shows that I am loving and compassionate. Although, I often wonder why I do it. Is it a deep seeded need to be loved? Do I constantly bend over backwards to please people because I feel that I have to? Why cant I just take life day by day and stop worrying about what others think or what they need? It might be the mother in me. I don't remember being like this before I had my children. It may be the nurturing side of me coming out but I don't think it should be my responsibility to please everyone. Lets face it, you cant. When things are out of my control, it makes me feel bad because other people aren't happy. I would just once like to spend a day worrying about no one but myself. I want to do things that make me happy without fear or guilt. Maybe I don't think I deserve it. Hmmmmm, that sounds more like codependency than being a nurturing person. How do people get this way and what can I do to help myself? I want to feel deserving. Is this something a person should seek counseling for or do you except it as a character trait and spend the rest of your life trying to please everyone else? However, I know that making people happy makes me feel good. I like to give more then receive. Man, am I confused. I was just sitting here analyzing life as we know it and wondered this about myself. Any thoughts?

TT #66

13 of my all time favorite bands and/or singers.

1. Creed

2. The Eagles

3. The Beatles

4. Foreigner

5. Styx

6. Chicago

7. Elton John

8. Stevie Nicks

9. Creedence Clearwater Revival

10. Celine Dion

11. Queen

12. Rod Stewart

13. The Rolling Stones