Mammograms

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need
to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the
exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared
for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right
in and around your home.

EXERCISE ONE:
Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the
door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first
time wasn't effective enough.

EXERCISE TWO:
Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is
just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the
floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car.. Ask a
friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently
flattened and chilled... Turnover and repeat with the other breast..

EXERCISE THREE:
Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist.. Invite a
stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your
breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment
with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!