September 30, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

in 100 degree weather

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what's left of the old fence...

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my baby and grandpa working hard...

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DBF Michael...what a hottie!

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September 29, 2008


Do you remember your first love? The guy/girl that stole your heart and gave you goose bumps when you were together? How do you explain love and heartache to your child? I remember in high school, everything revolved around boys. Your first date, kiss, and sexual encounter. As a parent, how do you step back and let your child take that leap without having a net to catch them when they fall? My oldest fell in love at 15. We would battle constantly over computer and phone time as the world stopped if he wasnt either talking to her via phone or conversing over the computer with Debbie. Relationships end but seeing my son go thru the pain for heartache was pretty hard to take. I can remember him sulking around the house carrying that stupid phone. He looked like a lost puppy dog on the verge of tears. I explained to him that it was going to be OK, this wasn't the only girl he would love in his life, and that time heals all wounds. His response, "I know Mom but I just wish she would CALLLLLLLLL"....I wanted to cry. It finally ended 2 years down the road but not without alot of tears,heartache, and multiple break ups.

We as parents can only teach our children what we know. At some point, you have to step back and let them deal with things as a person. Ive had my heart broken more than once and Ive done the breaking a couple of times myself. In the end, you just have to learn from your mistakes and grow from the experience. You can tell your child until your blue in the face that love hurts sometimes and that heartache is real, but until they experience it on their own, what you say to them is only words. My youngest son is a little slower getting started on the love front and I must say, I'm a bit thankful for that. Maybe the girl he's been holding out for will be the one he lives happily ever after with. Ya, I know, the chances of that are slim but a mother can dream, cant she?

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Throughout our lives, we are involved with many different kinds of relationships. We have friendships, romances, work and school-related connections, as well as family ties. Each of these situations has the potential to make us happy, add to our feelings of self-worth, enjoyment, and growth. These relationships are healthy. On the other hand, in other circumstances, we may find ourselves feeling uncomfortable. It can be difficult to come to the realization that a lover, friend, colleague, or family member is not treating us with the respect we deserve. In all relationships there is likely to be some disagreement, need for compromise, and times of frustration. These alone do not necessarily indicate that a relationship is unhealthy.

It's not easy to decide if a troublesome tie should be maintained the way it is, worked on, or ended before it goes any further. One thing to consider is if the relationship was ever different than it is now. Is there something stressful happening that could be impacting the way you interact? Maybe money is tight, you've moved, you're looking for work, are dealing with a difficult family circumstance, or are you going through some other kind of transition. Maybe there are problems from a while back that were never resolved, and are now resurfacing. What is bothering you, and what would you like to see change? Talk over these questions with each other, or with someone you trust. If you love the person you are with, it's worth the effort. Although, we sometimes tend to fall in love with the wrong person. In which case, you might need the help from an outside party because you cant make a decision on your own. Love is tough and relationships are tougher. If it was meant to be, one way or another, it will be. Any feedback from the readers on this one?

September 28, 2008

Love Online

I know alot of people are skeptical about finding love on line, but I'm here to tell you, it works. The thing I like the best is that you can screen your applicants before you go on the first date. That doesn't mean they are all truthful, but at least you get a good idea of what kind of person they are. Ive done alot of online dating, and I'm happy to say, I found love on line. We met for the first time 5 years ago when he answered my personal profile. We dated for about 6 weeks when I decided I wasn't ready, so it ended. I continued to date but I never forgot him. I knew from the first date that I could fall hard so I cut my losses and ran. I was out of an 8 year relationship less than a year so my heart was still mending. Then, after two years, our paths crossed again. He had been playing in a band and traveling the United States and I was coming out of a year and a half relationship. It only lasted 2 weeks the second time. He wasn't ready and I was rebounding so we went our separate ways, again. Life continued and another year came and went. Then, our paths crossed yet one more time. We were both seeing other people, but the fact that the Universe brought us together again had to mean something. We decided that the third time was a charm. Im happy to say, we have been a couple for 2 years next month and we moved in together. I love him more than words can say and I'm hoping that this will finally be my Happily Ever After. What about you? Do you believe in fate?

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September 26, 2008


Attitude is what I get every time I ask my teenager to do something. Whether it be mowing the lawn, picking up his trash, or helping around the house. Why? Teenagers today have it made. When I was young, you never seen kids as disrespectful as they are today. Don't get me wrong, my son is not disrespectful, he just has an excuse for EVERYTHING. What happened to earning your keep? I don't give him attitude when I make him breakfast in the morning, or do his laundry. I don't even give him attitude when I have to make a run to the grocery store because we are out of his favorite oatmeal. Just once, Id love to ask him to do something and not get excuses as to why it cant be done. Ive been raising kids a long time. Now that I'm down to the wire, just one more year to go, it's getting a little harder to take. I find myself counting the months, waiting for my freedom. Does that make me a bad parent? I don't think so. It make's me human. All my life I have been catering to others, I cant wait for my day to come. I love my boys with all my heart. That being said, I cant wait to have BOTH of them on their own making the best of what life has to offer. I'm going to need a lot of patience this coming year because my baby needs a heavy duty reality check. No one will ever take care of him like his Mama so he better prepare himself!

September 25, 2008

Financial stability

Many people stay in destructive relationships because they feel trapped and finance is one of the key reasons. I'm here to tell you, there is a solution to every problem. You don't have to stay anyplace you don't want to be because of fear. Living on your own is tough. I will be the first one to admit it. Most people are just afraid of the unknown. When you've been married to the same person forever, you dont think it can be done. It can! I walked away from a 7 year marriage with 2 children making $9 dollars an hour. Yes, in the beginning, my ex gave me $700 willingly, so it helped quite a bit. Then he decided not to do it anymore. I took him to court after filing for a divorce and was awarded $1300 a month. Karma is a bitch. That lasted a year. I guess the joke was on me. After that, I did it on my own. He went from job to job and finally left the state. I went from making $9 dollars an hour to $12 (which helped considerably) and have worked my way up from there. You learn to be creative.

My kids were young so name brand things weren't an issue until they became teenagers. Macaroni and Cheese was a regular cuisine in our house along with hamburger helper and a side salad. You make sacrifices for your happiness. I wasn't in a destructive relationship, we just fell out of love. However, many women are. One thing I truly believe is that you should always work and contribute to the household. By having someone support you, they have complete control. If things don't work out, where does that leave you? Better yet, go back to school and study a trade or get a degree. If your relationship shows the early signs that there may be trouble brewing on the horizon, don't wait. Start a plan and do your research. There are many agencies out there to help. These days, is anyone really financially stable? Some of us are more comfortable than others but there are no guarantees in life. What you have today can be gone in an instant. Don't let someone else dictate your destiny. We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be. Make the right decision for you and your kids, if you have them. Anyone can do it. You just need the will and the strength to believe in yourself. I'm a survivor. If I can do it, anyone can.....

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September 24, 2008

TT #78

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13 things I read that made me laugh.

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

10.God must love stupid people; He made so many.

11.The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

12.He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

13.Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

September 23, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

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My son recently did a training mission in Panama. That's him in the uniform. He was even on the local News.

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Even though he had to take these boys down, they were all in good spirits afterwards. That's my Steven in the middle with his Panama buddies.

September 22, 2008

Lobsterfest 2008

The view from our room!!
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The Festival...
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The Food.....
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The Drinks....
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The Booths....with more food!!
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The Games....
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We had a blast!!!
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See you next year....

September 19, 2008

How important is romance?

When two people start dating, the chemistry is fun and new. They're both on their best behavior for fear of the other one finding out that they're not perfect and life is filled with late night phonecalls and butterflies in your stomach. Right? He buys her flowers, candy, and cards. She makes him special treats and leaves him love notes. It's all fun and exciting. What happens when the romance dies? Two people get comfortable in a relationship and the things that they once did as a gesture of romance, is forgotten like yesterdays news. This doesnt have to happen. Everyone likes to feel special. Flowers just because, love notes in hidden places, text messages for them to read first thing in the morning on their way to work, Intimate gestures when they least expect it. These are all things that can make you feel special and don't take alot of effort. Men like the little things too but I don't thing its quite as important as it is to women. Their idea of awesome is a Sunday filled with football, other men, and some great food for their bellies. Thats OK, as long as you remember your woman the other 6 days of the week. Besides, a day filled with football is a great excuse to go shopping. If you fall into a rut, do something to spice it up. Don't forget the little things nor take the one you love for granted. Choose a date night and spend some quality time together. You should never stop working on your relationship if you want it to last. When I see old people holding hands while they are walking, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Everyone should experience that. When two people are in a restaurant sitting across from each other with no eye contact and neither one is saying a word, the romance has fizzled. They have forgotten what it was like in the beginning. Your partner should be your best friend. Make time to work on your relationship and never let your partner question your love. They should know it in your actions as well as your words. Right?

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September 17, 2008

Buyers of Mucinex and Tylenol Cold...Beware!!

With the cold and flu season approaching, has anyone heard of Guaifenesin or Pseudoepdedrine? These are two common ingredients found in Mucinex and Tylenol Cold. Guaifenesin is an expectorant. It helps loosen congestion in your chest and throat. Pseudoephedrine is a decongestant that shrinks blood vessels in the nasal passages. The combination of guaifenesin and pseudoephedrine is used to treat nasal and sinus congestion, and to reduce chest congestion caused by the common cold, infections, or allergies. However, there should be a warning on the label for ALL of the side effects for these drugs.

I was recently sick with a cold, actually I'm still recovering. I have always taken Mucinex DM but went with another Mucinex product that contained the above drugs. A few days after I started the medication I noticed numbness in my feet, a constant persistent headache, anxiousness, weakness in my hands, chest pain, and a rash that appeared on my arm about 5 days ago. I switched from Mucinex to Tylenol Cold, but the symptoms didnt go away. I went to the doctor yesterday, who told me my blood pressure was elevated (which it has never been in my life). She ordered a blood work up. I thought something was seriously wrong with me. When I got home, I read the ingredients on the box of Tylenol Cold and found that it had the same stuff in it. Then I started doing research and found these side effects (not listed on the box):
  • fast, pounding, or uneven heartbeat
  • severe dizziness, anxiety, restless feeling, or nervousness
  • easy bruising or bleeding, unusual weakness, fever, chills, body aches, flu symptoms
  • increased blood pressure (severe headache, blurred vision, trouble concentrating, chest pain, numbness, seizure).
  • feeling excited or restless
  • sleep problems (insomnia)
  • nausea, vomiting, or stomach upset
  • mild loss of appetite
  • warmth, tingling, or redness under your skin
  • skin rash or itching
  • dizziness or persistent headache
I have never had a reaction to any type of cold medicine, which is why I thought my body was trying to warn me about something serious going on inside. It really scared me. Thank God for the Internet. If you are experiencing the same types of side effects secondary to taking medication with these 2 ingredients, stop taking it at once. Wait a few days to see what happens with your symptoms before calling a doctor. I stopped taking the medication and noticed a change immediately. I don't know about you but a stuffy nose is much easier to deal with then any one of the above side effects. Is the cure really better than the problem? Not in this case!!

TT #77

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13 red flags in a relationship.

1. He stills lives at home - Men who still live at home are usually in no hurry to grow up.

2. He never invites you over - This could clearly be a sign that he has something to hide. Maybe his home includes a family he’s not telling you about.

3. He’s moving too quickly - Moving too quickly is usually a sign that he’s uncomfortable being by himself or he’s looking for a woman to help solve his problems.

4. He constantly talks bad about an ex - He may not like his ex, but there’s no reason he should continue bad mouthing her. He could also still be hung up on her. Beware!

5. Excessive Parental Attachment - "Excessive” which means “being a mama’s boy,” only having your parents as your friends, letting your parents influence you in every facet of your life, etc.

6. He’s fresh out of a relationship - Timing can be everything, but when you could potentially get involved in a rebound relationship, it may be time to move on.

7. Drug and alcohol problem - You're asking for trouble with someone who has a chemical dependency problem. The roller coaster never ends. Nope, you cant fix them.

8. Physically Abusive - If he hits you once, and gets away with it, he will hit you twice.

9. Verbally abusive - No one needs these type of mental scar's. If you dont feel good about yourself because of the things he has said, you dont need him.

10. A jokester at your expense - If you are the constant target of his jokes, move on.

11. Unemployed - If its a temporary thing, OK....but if he is looking for a sugar Mama, kick him to the curb.

12. A flirt - If he cant tame his flirtious behavior in front of you, you might wonder what he does when you're not around. To me, thats disrespectful. Who needs it?

13. Cheaters - Trust is everything. Without it, there is no relationship. You deserve better.

September 16, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

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The 3 most important men in my life!

September 15, 2008

Nothing worth having is easy

It's clear, more than half of us are not only bad at marriage, we're lousy at divorce. We're still doing it in record numbers, but we don't seem to be learning a thing from the experience. After we face the failure, dry the tears, and explain it all to the kids, we still don't know how to make relationships work. If we don't learn from our failures, is it possible to learn from others' successes? Couples who are able to successfully resolve problems when they develop have the best chance to go on to a successful marriage, so they say. Problems early in marriage worsen over time rather than get better as many couples expect. Rather than viewing differences and conflicts as a sign of incompatibility, you need to develop a way of dealing with the issues before they escalate out of control.

I'm no expert at marriage but I have been divorced twice. I have also had a few long term relationships, Im in one now. I came to the conclusion that no two people are alike. Opposites do attract and they can make it work. You have to learn compromise. Don't rush to the alter on a whim, but rather, get to know your partner inside and out. You should never go thru with marriage if you think things will get better if you do it or because your biological clock is ticking. Its not a game, its a life long decision. Men and women handle conflict in radically different ways. Men flee, and women fight. If we can learn to see things from the other persons point of view, it would help everyone in the long run. Nothing worth having is easy. Both people need to work at it. And in the end, you just might find your happily ever after. It could happen!

September 13, 2008

Helicopter parenting

Have you ever heard the term Helicopter Parenting? DBF Michael asked me if I was being a helicopter parent with regards to something that had to do with my youngest son. This is a term for a person who pays extremely close attention to his or her child or children. They rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them or letting them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children's wishes. They are so named because, like a helicopter, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not. My question is, don't all parents do this? Why do they have to put "Helicopter" in front of parenting when your job as a parent is to protect your offspring's from harm? If a parent wasn't concerned about their child's well being, then I would be worried. Did you know that the rise of the cell phone is often blamed for the explosion of helicopter parenting? It's has been called "the world's longest umbilical cord." That makes me laugh. Yes, I know we survived our youth without cell phones but aren't they convenient when you want to know where your child is? I agree, some parents go above and beyond what they need to do in raising their kids. However, what's the alternative? Not caring? Its been proven that even though kids want their independence, they like the security of knowing that we are there for them. A child with no guidance ends up lost in the shuffle. So, maybe I am a Helicopter Parent but I could think of a lot worse things to be. Couldn't you?

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September 11, 2008

Emotional abuse

Although emotional abuse is often not as easy to define as sexual or physical violence, it's quite serious, and it can be just as devastating as other types of abuse. It includes a wide variety of destructive behaviors, ranging from name calling to financial deprivation, to verbal threats and manipulation. Emotional abuse is often continual, consistent, and, over time, can work to destroy someones self-esteem. It's similar to brainwashing. If anything is done or said over and over again, you end up feeling like you either deserve the abuse or you're just as worthless as they say you are. Sometimes people who are being emotionally abused grew up in an abusive family. It can be hard for someone who hasn't been abused to understand how people can stay in harmful relationships. But, if a child grows up in a family that uses name calling and put downs, they may seek out the familiarity of abusive partners as a source of security because that is all they know.

You don't hear about emotional abuse as much as physical because you cant see the scar's. Many woman who seem powerful in their every day life have fallen victim to men who want to dominate strong women by tearing them down. Why do they stay? That's a good question. I think its a trait that is learned over time stemming from relationships you have grown up with. Your first love can start this dangerous trend and follow you into adulthood. We are only victims if we let ourselves be. Don't let someone else dictate how you feel about yourself. Easier said than done? Yep, as the voice of experience, overcoming someones else opinion of you can be a hard task to do but it isn't impossible. You just have to love you. Any other survivors out there?

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September 10, 2008

TT #76

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13 foods that are used as an aphrodisiac

1. Agave- Fermented juice, or agave wine. Add few seeds of horn apple to increase effect. Tequila is distilled from Agave Tequilana. Other spices used to make schnapps called mescal.

2. Asparagus - it stimulates activity of kidneys and is depurative.

3. Cacao Tree - mild stimulant, ground beans are made into a drink or chocolate bar.

4. Celery - it strengthen the sex organs (who'd of thought?)

5. Date Palm - Add preparations of nightshade, hemp or opium for better results.

6. Durian Fruit - has an intriguing reputation in Southeast Asia as having aphrodisiac properties. It is not clear whether this is attributed to some substance in the fruit pulp

7. Oyster Meat -(if you can get past the slime) Oyster extract is excellent for men's reproductive health and endurance. It is a rich source for the amino acid taurine, which has a cardio-protective effect and also in nerve transmission. Historically known as an aphrodisiac, flavanoids in oyster meat have been shown to stimulate the reproductive system

8. Pimento - one of the most common spices in ancient America and Indian folk medicine. It warms the body, Aphrodisiac, when taken in large quantities , especially with cocoa.

9. Pineapple - It has as a great digestive effect, a purifying effect. Use fresh fruit juice. For aphrodisiac effects to work- eat pineapple with chili powder or mixed with honey and rum. A small glass taken daily promotes energies of love.

10. Pomegranate -This fruit is sacred to Aphrodite. The rinds are rich in tannins.

11. Squash - Seeds contain fatty oil, protein and vitamin E that is important for healthy sexuality.

12.Sweet Potato - Excessive consumption stimulates the woman's sex drive.

13. Basil - Basil gives for an exciting sex life. The popular spice basil (Ocimum basilicum) also possess aphrodisiac powers.

September 9, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

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We stayed the night on the Queen Mary. Guess who didnt get much sleep? Is that a straw in his mouth?

September 7, 2008 before you sign.

I have done a number of posts on Supportkids. They are the reason I started my blog. Since the beginning, I've found that I am not the only one who was suckered into their scheme. It hurts my heart that this company is allowed to steal from the pockets of single parents everywhere. Where are the regulations? Why are they allowed to do this year after year? Its clearly against the law to go against a court order by stealing the money due to the children. If the court orders a parent to pay 300 dollars a month for child support, how can Supportkids get away with taking 34% of that? I honestly thought that when I signed the contract, they would find my ex husbands employer and collect the support that was due by sending the garnishment that was court ordered. They did, but had the return address for the money changed to their mailbox rather than mine.

I understood a fee would apply, but I missed the fine print about continuing to take their dues until they have stolen over 20,000 dollars plus (to date) from my kids. Yep, that's how much they have collected for their own pockets on my case. That money could send my son to college. I tried numerous times to terminate my contract but they always deny my attempts. In reading some of the responses Ive received, I'm not the only one that's fed up. Last May was the start of year 6 for my case. I urge anyone out there in search of help regarding child support not to sign up with Supportkids. Its a nightmare and you will never get out. Out of all the people Ive heard from, only one has been successful. I think that was due to the state she lived in. Virginia had a law suit against them, has anyone heard the outcome? This company needs to be shut down. Its a horrible injustice to single parents and their kids. Supportkids is a rip off. They are only in it for themselves!

September 4, 2008

Its tough to be a Military Mom

My son is home for a visit. His last stop before Iraq. I can't begin to express the hurt and pain I feel every time I think of him in a foreign country so filled with hate for Americans. Being a Military Mom is tough. All through life you are there to protect your children. Then, you come to a point (or realization) that you have to put it in God's hands. The thought of someone pointing a gun at my child makes me terrified. Not to mention, the thought of him pointing a gun at someone else. How do you ever heal from something like that? Steven has always been a fighter. He tells me he isn't scared but I know him too well. If he had to take someone else's life, he would never be the same. The military trains our children to be killers, and to defend our country at all costs. When its your child going to battle, something in the translation changes. I'm proud to be an American and I back my son and our military 100%. Its just amazing that the majority of the children going there are between the ages of 18 and 21. These are kids right out of high school. I was surprised at Boot camp when I seen the number of kids graduating each day. I wondered, how many of them will actually see battle and if they do, how many will come home?Having a discussion with my son about his life insurance was not an easy one. He is only 20. A "Will" or life insurance policy should be the last thing on his mind. How do you do that with your child and not be affected? It is what it is and I have to be strong for my son. I'm not quite sure how to conclude this posts as I have found my face covered in tears. So I will simply say, keep Steven Woodall in your prayers. Every little bit helps.

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September 3, 2008

TT #75

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13 signs of a healthy relationship

1. Treat each other with respect.

2. Feel secure and comfortable.

3. Violence isn't an issue.

4. You can resolve arguments by not only listening, but hearing what each other says.

5. Enjoy the time you spend together.

6. Support one another.

7. Take interest in each others lives.

8. Have privacy in the relationship but dont be secretive. There is a difference.

9. Can trust each other.

10.Make each other laugh.

11.Communicate clearly and openly.

12. Be honest about your past and present sexual activity.

13.Have more good times in the relationship than bad.

September 2, 2008

September 1, 2008

Hostile work environment

I know some of you have heard me complain about my job. The stresses, the amount of work that needs to be done, now add to the mix, a black girl with a chip on her shoulder. I have a coworker that I work really close with. We do the same thing only for different teams. Everyday I come in, I never know what kind of mood she is going to be in. Her emotions are up and down. Not to mention, she is constantly talking about me behind my back but loud enough for me to hear. Aren't we all adults here? We come to work for a paycheck, that's the bottom line. It feels like I'm back in high school dealing with a bully. The difference is, I don't back down to bullies. I honestly believe she is prejudice against white people. The reason I say this, our manager bought us some new charts for our patients. She bought white ones instead of black. She promptly apologized for the mistake and my coworkers response was, "White always comes first, didnt you know that?" Hello?? Now, if that wasn't a racist remark, I don't know what was. Considering both of us were white, we just looked at her and didn't know what to say. Does it always have to be about color? There are many black girls that work there but none of them acts like she does. I don't get it.

I'm not quite sure what to do or how to deal with this situation. We got in a heated argument the last day before my vacation and 10 minutes before it was time to leave. She was running her mouth, belittling me, and I came back with a response. It got pretty heated. This is something I don't need nor do I have patience for. If she could only hear herself, she might realize how offensive she is and how stupid she sounds. Maybe she is threatened by me? The fact that people are asking me questions now instead of always running to her all the time. She is one of those people that has 15 projects going at one time and cant complete any of them. Contrary to what she believes, she does not walk on water. I wrote a letter to the General Manager, as I wont be there to defend myself when this issue comes up, but I can only imagine the things she will say. Its not fair. There is so much negativity surrounding this job anyway, I just need to get out. Although, that might be what she is hoping for. Maybe I should stay just to spite her. Now, isnt that ridiculous? I have so many things going on in my life, why do I have to deal with this? Any suggestions as to what a girl should do? She needs to grow up and I need to be supported by my manager. I will let you know the outcome but anything you can add or suggest would be appreciated.