October 31, 2007

Wordless Wednesday

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Nope, those arent my hands in pumpkin guts...a big thanks goes to my DBF Michael for doing my dirty work.

October 30, 2007

Post Partum Depression

A lot of women these days will experience a form of depression known as the baby blues after delivering a baby. It is generally seen just days after the birth and can last anywhere from 2 weeks to a few months. The signs for this can be, but are not limited to: crying, irritability, anger, exhaustion, tension, restlessness, anxiety, and possibly insomnia. Hormones play a large part in this however, some are normal and should be expected after delivery, particularly considering the stress and strain of a new baby. Fewer women will have true postpartum depression. This is generally characterized by a worsening of the normal symptoms, possibly postpartum panic or mania, even obsessive-compulsive disorders (including repetitive thoughts that might be repulsive). Some women will even experience post traumatic stress disorders, particularly after a traumatic birth. Some risk factors for PPD are as follows: Single parents, history of depression, anxiety, panic, obsessive thoughts or behavior, mania. Family history, marital conflict, prior episode, low confidence as parent, baby's personality, health or disability, super woman syndrome, or hormonal risks (thyroid imbalance, PMS, infertility, etc.). I think being a single mother makes it harder especially if you have a baby with colic that refuses to sleep and does nothing but cry. You may feel like you have nowhere to turn and it may appear that there is no relief in site because the baby is your sole responsibility especially if the father is not involved. There are many things that you can do to help ease postpartum depression. First, remember to take care of yourself. Take breaks, accept help from others, and nurture yourself. We tend to forget ourselves and become very absorbed in the baby. It is important that mom is well cared for too. This makes caring for the baby easier. Be realistic. Avoid major life changes. It's too much to ask to find a new job, move across the country and find a house within a month before the baby is born or right afterwards. Develop a support system. When someone calls and offers support, except it. This is a good thing, especially if you have problems requesting help, it can keep you organized. Getting support from a professional is not a bad idea either. You need to ask for help when following self-help plan and symptoms last more than 2-3 weeks, when talking feelings out with people does not help or if there is great difficulty with daily living. Remember that postpartum depression is very treatable. Find some ongoing support, make some plans, and don’t feel guilty asking for help. Do what you need to do but don’t take it out on the baby. It’s not their fault.

October 29, 2007

October 28, 2007

Non Hodgkins Lymphoma

A short time after Mother's Day, my Mom was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma(NHL). I wanted everyone to know a little bit about this disease. I realize this is Breast Cancer Awareness month but there are so many other cancers out there that are killing millions of people. I think we should be aware of all of them. Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma is cancer that begins in the lymphatic system, which is part of the body's immune system. The immune system fights infections and other diseases. In the lymphatic system, a network of lymph vessels carries clear fluid called lymph. Lymph vessels lead to small, round organs called lymph nodes. Lymph nodes are filled with lymphocytes (a type of white blood cell). The lymph nodes trap and remove bacteria or other harmful substances that may be in the lymph. Groups of lymph nodes are found in the neck, underarms, chest, abdomen, and groin. Other parts of the lymphatic system include the tonsils, spleen, and thymus. Lymphatic tissue is also found in other parts of the body including the stomach, skin, and small intestine. There are many types of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. All types of lymphoma begin in cells of the lymphatic system. Normally, cells grow and divide to form new cells as the body needs them. When cells grow old, they die, and new cells take their place. Sometimes this process goes wrong. New cells form when the body does not need them, and old cells do not die when they should. These extra cells can form a mass of tissue called a growth or tumor. The symptoms of this disease are as follows:

Swollen, painless lymph nodes in the neck, armpits, or groin
Unexplained weight loss
Soaking night sweats
Coughing, trouble breathing, or chest pain
Weakness and tiredness that don't go away
Pain, swelling, or a feeling of fullness in the abdomen

Most often, these symptoms are not due to cancer. Infections or other health problems may also cause these symptoms. Anyone with symptoms that do not go away within 2 weeks should see a doctor so that problems can be diagnosed and treated. My mothers CA125 blood test came back really high, which is the a test for ovarian cancer. That's what we thought she had, however, the CT scan showed us exactly what it was. I have no idea why the test for ovarian cancer was elevated except for the fact that her system was completely off because of the NHL. Unfortunately, a CT is the only way to accurately diagnose this type of cancer. Without symptoms, there is no need for a person to get a CT scan. She was experiencing alot of bloating and fatigue. My mother is always doing something but the fact that she felt like doing absolutely nothing because she was so exhausted was one of the main reason she sought help. By the time they diagnosed it, she was a stage 4. I am happy to say that she completed her last chemo treatment on Friday and the doctor said she is in complete remission. She is only 59 years old. Far too young for someone to lose their life. I just want people to be aware of their bodies. If something doesn't feel right, go and see a doctor. I know it may not be the most pleasant thing a person can do but it just might save your life. Here are a couple resources for information regarding NHL:

Telephone (1-800-4-CANCER): Information Specialists at NCI's (National Cancer Institute) Cancer Information Service can answer your questions about cancer. They also can send NCI booklets, fact sheets, and other materials.

http://www.cancer.gov/: You can use NCI's Web site to find a wide range of up-to-date information. People in the United States and its territories may use this Web site to order printed copies. This Web site also explains how people outside the United States can mail or fax their requests for NCI booklets.

The American Cancer Society

I hope this information helps anyone that is going thru a crisis or has a loved one with NHL.

October 27, 2007

Are video games good for kids?

I know there is a lot of controversy regarding video games for kids. Considering my son is a video game fanatic, I thought I would look at the pros and cons on this topic. True, there are a lot of games out there that go way over the top. I don’t agree with games like Hitman, or Grand Theft Auto, just to name a few. I think they are teaching kids the wrong idea. Its not OK to rob, cheat, steal, or rape. You shouldn’t try to kill cops or make a living out of being a thief. I think that some children can become desensitized by violence and the whole concept of right and wrong if they play nothing but these types of games. However, did you know that kids that do great on video games make good pilots?? It’s the whole hand and eye coordination thing. Also, my oldest son had never shot a gun in his life. When he went into the military, he got awards for his shooting ability. Not from experience, but from video games. I don’t know if that’s a bad thing or a good thing but I thought it was pretty interesting. I think your choice in gaming should depend on the child. Younger kids need to play educational games and ones that aren’t geared towards blood, guts, and killing. Mario Brothers is still very popular and fun. As far as older kids, I would definitely monitor what they play. You can’t rent violent games at your local Block Buster unless you are 17 but sometimes they don’t ask for ID. If your child is mature and completely understands the difference between reality and gaming, then I would be a little more open minded but if they have violent tendencies, I think I would stick with something that is a little more mellow. My youngest son loves Warcraft and Diablo for computers. I’ve watched him play and I really don’t see anything wrong with the games. They are based on building armies and going to war but it’s more of a strategic game than anything. I am more of an old school game player. I still like Galaga and Pacman but kids now days are way more advanced then we ever were. They need more of a challenge. If you are iffy on the whole video game thing, try a Wii. They are geared more towards sports and the kids have a blast because it is interactive. Remember, you have a choice as to what your child plays. Pay attention and ask questions.

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October 26, 2007

Halloween Treat

Hootin Anni was kind enough to send me this wonderful treat for Halloween.

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Im going to pass this on to my fellow bloggers below. I think everyone deserves a little treat this time of year. I hope they enjoy it!!

October 25, 2007

Quotes about Mothers

My friend Grace posted this for her TT today. I loved it so much, Im borrowing it to share.


1. “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” ~Tenneva Jordan

2. “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” ~Rajneesh

3. “The phrase “working mother” is redundant.” ~Jane Sellman

4. Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ~Ambrose Bierce

5. “The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.” ~HonorĂ© de Balzac

6. “When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” ~Sophia Loren

7. “She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn’t take them along.” ~Margaret Culkin Banning

8. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” ~Milton Berle

9. “Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.” ~Aristotle

10. “Women are aristocrats, and it is always the mother who makes us feel that we belong to the better sort.” ~John Lancaster Spalding

11. “Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.” ~Lisa Alther

12. “Mother - that was the bank where we deposited all our hurts and worries.” ~T. DeWitt

13. “It’s not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” ~From the television show The Golden Girls

I think this is a very accurate portrayal of Mothers...Thank you Grace, for letting me borrow your post.

Community Blogger Award

Grace issued my blog a Community Blogger award.

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This is what she had to say:

Lori @ Single Parents Unite : I am subscribing and reading lots of mommy blogs, i.e., blogs by working moms, stay-at-home moms or homeschooling moms. Lori is different she is also a mom but as her blog name says, she is a single parent. Her blog gives light to the struggles and journey of single parenting, which gives lots of inspiration.

Wow...thanks you so much. Its always nice to be recognized in the blogger community and to let single parents know they are not alone:) You should take a peek at was she has to offer as well. I will be reposting her TT from today because I thought it was awesome!

TT #34

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13 ways to ease stress during the holiday season

1. Have lots of sex.

2. Excercise...get outside and take a walk.

3. Meditate.

4. Get a massage.

5. Watch mindless TV when you have too much going on in your head.

6. Read a book.

7. Listen to your favorite music with your eyes closed.

8. Bake cookies just because, the ones that are prepackaged...as easy as 1-2-3.

9. Call a friend and go have a drink or a coffee at your nearest Starbucks.

10. Take a long relaxing bath with your favorite bath oils. Dont forget the candles.

11. Did I say have lots of sex?

12. Drink a glass of wine.

13. Take a deep cleansing breath INNNNNNNNNN and OUUUUUUUUT.

And the treat goes too..........

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I got this yummy treat from Mar who got the idea from Hootin Anni's. She is handing out a treat daily and welcomes passing it around but not among friends. It is her wish that we reach NEW ones by choosing random visitors. Therefore, Im passing it on to some really cool people. I hope they enjoy it!!

No Nonsense Girl

Nap Warden

Mom not Mum

October 24, 2007

Wordless Wednesday

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Welcome to Southern California

October 23, 2007

You make me smile

I just wanted to hand out an award to a couple of bloggers that always make my day.

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I really miss them when they arent around and they always know how to make me smile. Thanks for being there. You guys are awesome!!
Chelle Y.
Tea Time Ramblings

October 22, 2007

Doing laundry....when do you hand it over?

It seems that I spend a lot of time doing laundry. There are always daily things that need to be cleaned and there are just 2 of us living in my house. At what age do you have your kids wash their own clothes? I know, if it was up to my son, he would go to school in dirty clothes. Do I leave it up to him to wash his own stuff or do I continue to heed to the mother instinct and keep my son in clean clothes? One argument I have as far as continuing to wash is that if there are stains on his clothes, he wont think to look and get the stains out. He will wash them, dry them, and then the stain is set for life. I don't like seeing my son in stained clothes even if it doesn't bother him a bit. Funny, at 16, you'd think he would be a little more self conscience of what he wears but he remains unfazed. I think, because of the ADHD, he is a little more immature in a lot of ways for someone his age. I want to teach him responsibility but I'm not sure if this is a battle or task worth taking on. I think I taught my older son at about age 16 but its because he went thru twice the laundry, maybe 3 times the laundry, that a normal person would. He cared about what his clothes looked like unlike his brother. My DBF thinks Brad should be doing his own laundry. Any thoughts??

Happy Monday

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The Kingdom

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My DBF Michael and I went to see The Kingdom this weekend. I was impressed with the way the movie was made. It gave you a harsh realization of what life must be like in the Middle East. It started off with a bang (literally) and did a good job of keeping up the pace. Now I can really understand, on one level, what it must be like for Americans living in those countries. Not to mention the soliders (God Bless them and their families). Jamie Foxx and Jennifer Garner did a great job along with the rest of the cast. I give this movie 2 thumbs up.

The Perfect Woman

Wouldn't it be great if every woman was perfect? We never had to diet, we never had to exercise, we didn't feel the need to compete with other women because we were all considered equal?? We could eat what we wanted, wear what we wanted and never be judged by society. Now its time for a reality check. That's just not how it is. Men look at models and wish that their women could be like that. Why? Women starve themselves because they are striving to be perfect. I feel sorry for movie star's...ya, they're rich and have all the money happiness should be able to buy but are they happy? The critics are harsh and so is the public. A woman cant even have a little extra water weight without someone claiming she has a baby bump. I'm tired of being compared to women that only make up 10 percent of the population. Do men realize that those pic's they look at in magazines are modified by computers? Do teenage girls realize that? Although, I must say, not all men are judgemental. How come women don't judge men the way we are judged by men?? Its OK for a man to be short, fat, and bald...those are usually the ones that are requiring perfection from their women. Its a total double standard. I'm not against diet and exercise, I actually like doing something for myself and having people notice but I just think its unfair that women are judged by their body size by men that don't attend the gym on a regular basis and sure aren't a Brad Pitt look alike. I don't know, its a mystery to me. I just think that women have it rough. It sure would be nice to be judged for who you are rather than what size you wear. What is a mans idea of the perfect woman?? Hmmmm, I guess that all depends on the man. Ive always been myself, far from perfect, and have never had a problem in the man department (well, finding one anyway) but for women that have self esteem issues, don't live your life feeling inferior to the competition. Feel good about who you are. Your happiness is what's important. Don't compare yourself to Victoria Secret models, not only is it stupid, its not reality.

October 20, 2007

Beep Beep Bon Appetite'

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Caramel Peach Upside-Down Cake

Caramel peaches:
2/3 cup sugar
1 tablespoon light corn syrup
6 whole allspice berries, optional
1 tablespoon water
3 large ripe peaches (about 1 pound)
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup old-fashioned grits
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon fine salt
1/2 cup unsalted butter (1 stick), at room temperature
2/3 cup sugar
2 large eggs, at room temperature
1/2 cup sour cream, at room temperature

Serving suggestions: Vanilla ice cream or whipped cream

Position a rack in the middle of the oven and preheat to 350 degrees F. Butter a 9-inch cake pan, line bottom with parchment paper and brush the paper with butter.

Caramel peaches: Combine the sugar, corn syrup, allspice and water in a medium saucepan. Stir over medium heat until the sugar dissolves. Increase the heat to high, and continue to cook, without stirring, until the mixture becomes an amber caramel, about 5 minutes. Pour the caramel into the prepared pan and set aside to cool.
Halve and pit the peaches, but leave their skins on. Cut each half into 3 wedges. Arrange the wedges in concentric circles in the pan. Set aside while you make the cake batter.

Cake: Whisk the flour, grits, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a medium bowl.
Slowly mix the butter and sugar in a large bowl with a hand-held electric mixer. Increase the speed to high, and continue beating until the butter is light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Add the eggs 1 at time, waiting for each to be fully incorporated before adding the next.
While mixing at a low speed, add the dry ingredients in 3 additions, alternating with the sour cream in 2 additions, beginning and ending with the flour. Increase the speed to medium and mix briefly to make a smooth batter. Pour the batter over the peaches and smooth over.

Bake the cake until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean, about 40 to 45 minutes. Cool the cake in the pan on a rack, about 20 minutes.
Run a knife around the edge of the pan to release the cake. Carefully invert the cake onto a serving plate and remove the parchment paper. Serve warm or at room temperature with ice cream or whipped cream, if desired.

October 19, 2007

Halloween Treat

Emmyrose sent me a sweet treat for Halloween!!

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Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!! If you ask me, she is the sweet one.....

Great gift ideas for BF's, Brothers, Husbands, and Dad's

Video game rockers enhance your gaming, video and music experience with audio blasts from interior speakers issuing waves of audio vibrations through your body. It's easy to connect your gaming, video, MP3 or DVD/CD device to one of these stylish chairs. I can see my son Brad using this thing!
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Men love beer. Some even have a special affinity for beer kegs. But after graduating college (or not graduating, as it were), you'll need to ditch the old college paraphernalia and upgrade to more sophisticated tastes. ...Which is why the stylish mini beer keg dispenser was created. Man, will my Dad love this!!

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Say goodbye to the wasted time and unnecessary complexity of multiple remotes. Control your HDTV, adjust aspect ratios, or change sound modes with the brilliant 3.5" color touch screen on the Logitech Harmony 1000 advanced universal remote. Any man would love this!!
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October 18, 2007

Do you know how to flirt??

So, you’ve been out of the singles game for quite a while and aren’t quite sure the rules of the game anymore. Do woman ask men for their number? If he doesn’t call right after I give him my number, does that mean he won’t? Do I play hard to get or is that “Old School”? Should I put out on the first date? What do women do these days? Being single isn’t easy, although, it can be fun. If you just want to date and keep it light, you should let the other person know up front. There is nothing worse than two people being on different pages. Here are some flirting tips, just in case you forgot or you need a little tune up. When you see someone you like, do some repeated contact...at least three separate verbal or non-verbal clues need to be given. Why? The first time he's going to look around and make sure it's really him that you are flirting with. The second, he knows it's him and he gets flushed and pleased. (At this point he'll probably walk by you and at least smile, he's checking you out a little more.) The third time you can express interest by introducing yourself, or commenting on what he’s wearing, the pool game he is playing, or what he is drinking. You can also wave from across the room. Now he knows you are open to meeting and it will be a cinch (ya, right!) Whisper, it always gets their attention. It doesn’t really matter what you say, it’s how you say it. Don't sit with other women, men don't want you to reject them in front of an audience. If you do go out with a friend, separate every so often or take a breather from talking. Men don’t want to risk your disapproval by interrupting you. Treat men gently. If someone you are not interested in approaches you and flirts, be nice. Remember, all of the other men are watching to see what you do. If you laugh after he leaves or show visual disapproval, you are cutting your chances on anyone else approaching you. If he acts like a Jerk, be polite but direct. People can usually tell in my eyes when something they have said has made me mad, I’m sure it’s like that with most women. You can always roll your eyes and walk away or ignore them too. Men can be stupid sometimes. Use the “Buddy” system. Walk through a group of men and have someone watch to see who's checking you out. Become more irresistible! Show a little leg or wear a shirt that shows some cleavage, but not so much that it makes you look like a tramp. The redder the lipstick, the more available and noticeable you will be. Arch your back a little as you sit up tall and cross your legs high. Look over your shoulder and smile at him. This is always a signal you are interested. Give him a look from head to toe, nod with approval and then flash him your most winning smile. Remember that flirting is a way of connecting from the heart and acknowledging someone. Be generous with your sex appeal! Have Fun!

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TT# 33

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13 things I love about this time of the year

1. Halloween

2. Scary movies

3. Winter clothes

4. Sleeping in on a rainy day.

5. Thanksgiving

6. The smell of fireplaces in the air.

7. Not mowing the lawn as often.

8. Electric bill going down.

9. Snow on the mountains.

10. Different holiday flavors at Starbucks.

11. Not having to wash my car as much.

12. Holiday decorations at the mall.

13. Season premieres and a end to re-runs.

October 17, 2007

Single parents and dating

When you are a single Mom or Dad, it's important for you to realize that you are more than just a parent. You are a person who has needs like any normal human and who deserves to have a social life. To help make the transition from Mommy or Daddy to date, lover, boyfriend or girlfriend, stop thinking of yourself as just a parent, and start thinking of yourself as an attractive, sexy single person. Take more care with your appearance than you might be in the habit of doing. When you're out doing errands on the weekend, wear something that flatters you, even if it's just a pair of great-looking jeans, instead of wearing cutoffs or sweats. Think about having a makeover or try a different haircut. Updating your wardrobe is also a good way to feel more attractive, desirable, and sexy. If you're still wearing a wedding ring, take it off now. In fact, shed any rings that would convey the message that you're unavailable. I know how important it is to take care of your children by meeting their physical and emotional needs, but if you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of them. Look at it like an oxygen mask. Parents should always breathe into it first before dealing with their children and the struggles that come with everyday living. The theory is that if you don't get enough oxygen, you'll be unable to help your kids. Oxygen can include, but not be limited to: sex, companionship, friendship, or just someone to have dinner with once a week. Whatever it is, don’t let it take a back seat in your life. It’s amazing how good you feel when you take care of your needs as well as your children’s. Have you ever heard the saying, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” There is definitely a lot of truth to that. Don’t wait, just do it.

Parenting Forums

I have ventured on to parenting forums recently to check out what they have to offer and maybe give a little advise on the topics I know something about. However, I dont get it. What in the heck is a Moderator and why do they think they know all?? Ive only gone on to one website, so I probably shouldnt judge them all by this encounter, but the people Ive talked to crack me up. We got in a debate today about a 3 and half year old that still breast feeds. Am I the only one that has an issue with this?? If a child is old enough to tell you they are hungry and can reach around and undo your bra, isnt it time to ween them?? The whole thing disturbs me. And then you have these Moderators who come on and give you crap about your responses and it's the same people all the time. What makes them think my opinion isnt as valuable as there's and why do they constantly pick a fight with people that leave their comments?? I think they need to venture over to the blogger world if they think they have something valuable to say. I am willing to listen to both sides of a story but dont attack me for giving my opinion on the subject matter. I find myself getting really pissed and wanting to talk to these "so called" experts about where exactly their heads are located and if their brains are in there too. If these women have nothing better to do than hang out on the computer all day long waiting for the next response to the 50 conversations that are going on, who's watching the children? Im sure you can get alot of useful advise if you talk to the right people but I have yet to prove this in my recent experience. I guess if you have a question that you need help with, you can post it and hope to get some answers but if its the same nit-wits giving all the advise, where is the education there? What if they are parents of young children are your problem is with an older child? I imagine some people get the help they need but I think there needs to be a forum for single parents. If there is one out there that someone knows about, can you let me know? It would be nice to talk to parents that know and relate to where Im coming from. As for the website I was on today, forget it...Im done.

Wordless Wednesday

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Lets not forget about our soldiers!!

October 16, 2007

Do you wonder if your teen is on drugs??

My oldest son put me thru an ordeal for about 2 years that slapped me in the face, bringing me to a reality I wasn't ready for. This was a child that got straight A's in school, never talked back, and did what he was told. Then, out of the blue, my son changed. I had no idea that I was about to begin a roller coaster ride that would take me thru depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, endless worrying, and the worst heartache I would ever experience in my life. We both survived (barely) but here are some signs that your teen may be in trouble:

Problems with friends. Normal teens focus on their friends. In fact, their friends and the people they hang out with often become more important than their family. When a teenager is a loner, it may be a sign that something is seriously wrong.

Difficulty with school. Refusing to go to school is an unmistakable sign that something is wrong. The same goes for a marked change in school performance and getting caught ditching school.

Behavior that doesn't fit in. If your child is considered "weird" or "odd" by other kids their age, it should be cause for concern. Not only is it painful for an adolescent to be an outsider, but it could signal a serious mental disorder.

Trouble with alcohol or drugs. For many teens, experimenting with alcohol and drugs is part of growing up. But if this experience is accompanied by a drop in grades or becomes a regular occurrence, it's time to seek help.

Depression and anxiety. Children who are consistently sad, anxious, moody or negative may be experiencing the symptoms of an emotional problem. A preoccupation with death should always be taken very seriously. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death among adolescents.

Destructive behavior. When a child hurts himself or others, it's a red flag he or she needs help. This includes violent temper tantrums, fighting, threats, hurting animals, vandalism, setting fires and being fascinated with weapons. If your child has a run-in with the law, it's a clear call for help. (I spent so much time in court, they knew me by my first name).

Other Warning Signs:

• Preoccupation with obesity even if body weight is normal or below normal.
• Changes in eating or sleeping patterns.
• Inability to cope.
• Many complaints about physical ailments.
• Dramatic mood swings.

Whatever you do, don't give up and don't back down. I found myself dealing more with issues pertaining to his friends and lack of discipline from their parents, than with anything else. Don't be afraid of your children. I am a single Mom that took on a 16 year old and lived to talk about it. You can accomplish anything, just be unrelenting and always let the child know who is in charge. That's the bottom line.

October 15, 2007

Community Blogger Award

Baby~Amore awarded my blog the community blogger award.

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She said,"I am but an infant in the blogging community and I haven't been around long to develop a lot of friendships here. I have chosen to award The Community Blogger award to Lori @ Single parents unite, Bridget @ Miles to go , EllenB The Happy Wonderer, Gill @ Gill's Jottings, and Shana @ My Three Wisemans because they have made me feel welcome in the blogsphere and because I notice they are always spreading the love around."

Thank you so much for this award. It means alot knowing that people take the time to read what I write. I dont know if any of you have dropped by to check out Baby~Amore's blog but her kids are ADORABLE!! Go check it out.

What is the definition of a good parent?

I think we are all human. We will have good parenting days and we will have days that we didn’t make the right choices. Kids don’t come with a manual so all you can do is know your child and make the right decisions based on what you know. Love your child unconditionally, provide for them the best you can, and always be there when they need you. In my eyes, that is the perfect parent. Although, I’ve noticed, in today’s society it seems that children are the ones in control. We, as parents, are almost afraid to discipline them for fear of being called a child abuser or bad parent. What happened? I believe in time out and I believe in taking away privileges. I don’t believe in beatings but a good swat on the behind from time to time for a stubborn child is what’s required. Have you ever seen that show Super Nanny?? I find myself laughing out loud at these parents that don’t know how to control their children that are 2, 3, & 4 years old and who are basically running the house. I don’t get it. When I was a child, we would have never gotten away with what children do now days. Being a single parent, I don’t and didn’t have the time to coddle my children. I did the best I could with what I had. Id like to know when the roles actually changed? We need to gain control of our children and guide them into being responsible adults. This may be the most important thing we will ever do as people. Its ok if your kids get mad at you…I’ve found, the kids that don’t get the discipline are the ones that are truly lost. Your kids may claim to hate you or be mad at you during their punishment, but in the end, it shows them how much you care and love them. It’s doing nothing that does the most damage. Any thoughts??

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October 13, 2007

Beep Beep Bon Appetite'

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Crunchy Noodle Salad

Kosher salt
1/2 pound thin spaghetti
1 pound sugar snap peas
1 cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup rice vinegar
1/3 cup soy sauce
3 tablespoons dark sesame oil
1 tablespoon honey
2 garlic cloves, minced
1 teaspoon grated fresh ginger
2 tablespoons white sesame seeds, toasted
1/2 cup smooth peanut butter
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
2 red bell peppers, cored and seeded, and thinly sliced
4 scallions (with and green parts), sliced diagonally
1 tablespoon white sesame seeds, toasted
3 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves

Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the spaghetti and cook according to package directions. Drain and set aside.

Meanwhile, bring another large pot of salted water to a boil, add the sugar snap peas, return to a boil, and cook for 3 minutes, until crisp tender. Lift the sugar snap peas from the water with a slotted spoon and immerse them in a bowl of ice water. Drain.

For the dressing, whisk together the vegetable oil, rice vinegar, soy sauce, sesame oil, honey, garlic, ginger, 1 tablespoon sesame seeds, peanut butter, salt, to taste, and the pepper, in a medium bowl.

Combine the spaghetti, sugar snap peas, peppers and scallions in a large bowl. Pour the dressing over the spaghetti mixture. Add the scallions and the parsley and mix again.

October 12, 2007

The sex talk….when do you have it?

That’s a hard question to specify because each child is different. Now picture that you’re a single mother of two boys. What do you do then? How do you sit them down and say, “Look, I know you have questions about sex, wanna ask me now?” Although, I didn’t do half bad. I bought a book. I told my son’s to look through the book and if they had any questions, just ask. My oldest was too embarrassed (he was either 11 or 12), to ask questions but my youngest wanted to know everything about EVERYTHING. I used a banana to show them how to put condoms on. Masturbation was a little harder to explain, I mean, what do you say? I know as a girl, I learned about masturbation all on my own. I figured boys would too but my youngest actually had questions. It was probably because he was eavesdropping on his brother’s sex talk and he had no idea what in the heck the word meant. I tried to be as open minded as possible when talking to the them but its not easy when you’re a different sex than the one you’re trying to explain the facts of life to. At least with girls, you have a clue. Girls see the whole thing a little differently than boys. I think if you are open and honest with your kids, it should be like any other milestone you go through with them while growing up. I imagine it would be pretty tough for a single father to talk to a girl about those kinds of things too. Whatever you do, don’t refuse to have the talk because you aren’t ready for your child to grow up. That is a big mistake. I wouldn’t condone sex but I bought both of my boys a box of condoms just to be safe. Kids are going to do it whether we agree or disagree. I know I did. Be smart. We teach our children all through their lives what to do and what not to do, its up to them to make the decision. Make sure they have the right information to go on because some of the stuff they get from their friends is downright comical. If you want them to make the right choices, they need to know the truth.

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Friday Feast

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When was the last time you were surprised?

My 40th birthday last year. My Mom threw me a party and I was totally clueless.

Fill in the blanks: My eyes are ________, but I wish they were __________.

My eyes are Hazel and I dont wish they were any other color because they are one of my best features.

If you were a Beanie Baby, what would you look like and what would your name be?

I would be a hot pink kitty named pinky.

Main Course
Name two things you consistently do that you consider to be healthy habits.

Take flaxseed oil daily and excercise.

What brand of toothpaste are you using these days? Do you like it? Why or why not?

Crest. I like the taste and it keeps my teeth white.

Great meals for under $10.00

Here are some meal ideas that are perfect for single parents on a tight budget:

Tuna Tortellini

1 lb. refrigerated or frozen cheese tortellini
2 cups frozen baby peas
1 (12-ounce). can tuna in olive oil
1/2 teaspoon dried basil leaves
Salt and pepper to taste

Cook the tortellini in boiling salted water until tender, adding the peas for the last minute of cooking. Drain.

Meanwhile, drain tuna, reserving 3 tablespoons of the oil. Return tortellini and peas to pot and add the tuna along with reserved oil, basil, salt, and pepper to taste. Heat through, stirring gently. You can sprinkle this with Parmesan cheese. Serves 4

Ramen Corn Chowder

1 package Ramen noodles (any flavor)
2 cups water
1 (16 ounce) can creamed corn
1 cup frozen corn
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon curry powder
1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup grated Colby cheese

In a large saucepan, bring 2 cups of water to a boil. Add ramen noodles and the flavor packet and cook for 5 minutes. Add creamed corn, frozen corn, ginger, curry powder, and milk. Heat over medium heat to a gentle simmer, and cook for 2-4 minutes; do not let the soup boil. Add grated cheese and stir until melted and the soup is blended. Serves 4.

Oven fried chicken thighs

1 cup instant mashed potato flakes
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon paprika
1/3 cup whole milk or evaporated milk
2 pounds chicken thighs, skin removed, if desired

In a shallow bowl or pie plate, combine potato flakes, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and the paprika. Put milk in another bowl. Dip chicken pieces in the milk then coat with the potato mixture, pressing mixture in to coat thoroughly. Arrange chicken thighs in a 13x9-inch baking pan (skin side up if skin was not removed). Bake in preheated 425° oven for 45 minutes, or until chicken is tender and juices run clear when pierced with a fork. Serves 4.

October 11, 2007

Co-sleeping, is it a good idea??

My DBF Michael suggested I go to different parenting forums to get some ideas for my blog. I don’t know if that was such a good idea or not because it seems that rather than giving my parental suggestions, I’ve been in a number of heated debates. One of them was over co-sleeping. I know when people go thru a divorce and they are use to having someone else in bed with them, they tend to lean on the child for support. It’s a security thing…and maybe if the child is older, I could see one night or two in a new place to help you both feel better. However, I don’t get people that let their children sleep with them from day one. I think it’s very dangerous for the child, especially if there are 2 people in the bed already. You could roll over on the baby very easily and suffocate them. One night leads to two, which leads to months and then years. They make cribs for a reason because a child is SUPPOSE to sleep in their own bed. My sister has a 4 & 5 year old that STILL don’t sleep thru the night and they both have their own rooms. My sister usually winds up on the couch. Now, please tell me, why would anyone start such a habit that you will end up needing to break, as the child gets older?? If you start them out in their own beds, then it will save you and your child the torture and endless nights of fighting with no sleep to keep your child in their room and/or bed?? To me, its common sense, but there are a lot of people out there with very heated opinions on this topic. They feel that it makes the child feel more safe and secure?? Huh?? Children have been sleeping on their own for centuries, now all of sudden they aren’t feeling safe and secure there?? I believe security comes from the way the child feels with the parent. It has nothing to do with the location of their sleeping quarters. Am I just being difficult and not understanding the logistics here?? Sex needs to continue after a child is born…that’s what people do. How in the world can you have a sex life if there is a child sleeping in bed with you?? Please don’t tell me that it gets put on hold until the child is done sleeping with their parents?? Days, Months,Years?? And we wonder why the divorce rate is so high…people with children aren’t getting enough sex!! That’s the answer. Do yourself a favor, don’t start habits that you know you’ll need to break later in life. They are OK in a crib, really…I promise it won’t damage them if they sleep alone.

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TT #32

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13 songs that I could never get sick of listening to

1. Have you ever been in love – Celine Dion

2. At last – Etta James

3. My own prison - Creed

4. Crazy – Patsy Cline

5. It must have been love – Roxette

6. Faithfully – Journey

7. These eyes – The Guess Who

8. Raindrops keep falling on my head – B.J. Thomas

9. Sitting on the dock of the bay – Otis Redding

10. Bad moon rising – CCR

11. Hotel California - The Eagles

12. In the air tonight – Phil Collins

13. Landslide - Stevie Nicks

October 9, 2007

Wordless Wednesday

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Pay Day Advances....Don't do it??

It seems that companies are sprouting up all over the country promising to help get you out of debt with quick, easy cash. All you have to do it write them a check and the money is yours. Seems simple enough.....However, as the voice of experience I say, DON'T DO IT!!! If you write a check for $300, you only get $255 back. That's a $45 dollar profit for the company, which is designed to keep you coming back for more. And it's 2 payments of $45, so if you get paid twice a month, that totals out to $90 dollars in their pocket. About 7 years ago, I was having serious money problems. I wasn't getting child support and I didn't know where to turn. I needed to pay some bills and there was no groceries in the fridge. I was tired of asking my parents to help me so I went to Check-N-Go. After I passed their qualifications (paycheck stub, electric bill receipt, and the names and numbers of 3 people who knew me), I was on my way. It eased my mind at the time but I knew I had to go back on my next pay day to re-write them another check or pay them off. One day at a time, I thought. I didn't have the cash, so I did it again, and again, and again...I wound up getting deeper and deeper in debt so I turned to Check into Cash to help me pay for the other guys. In the end, I ended up owing to 3 different companies. That was $249 dollars a month...and I did it for 5 years. They are not set up to help you, they are set up so that you have to keep coming back for more. As a single mother, an additional $249 a month in loan shark charges was putting me behind in my bills. It was an ex boyfriend that finally helped me to get out from under it. If he hadn't helped me, Id still be paying to this day. Its a viscous cycle and you are embarrassed to even tell people about it. When you go in there every two weeks, month after month, you see the same people...they cant get out either. I know it may seem like a blessing, it's not....borrow money from a family member, don't give those people anything. They dont want to help you, they are only there to make money.

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They made a fortune off of me!!

October 8, 2007

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From a mans point of view....

My girlfriend Roni forwarded me something that I wanted to share. It was written by someone simply known as Rich R., written 9/15/07. This guy is very good. Its Untitled so it must just be a random thought. He sounds like someone that knows a thing or two about relationships:

Face it. Relationships are hard. No lets change that. They’re incredibly hard. To bring two separate types of individuals into a single life to share each other’s thoughts, joys, depression, anger, and happiness. Most likely one of you wont be on the same page as the other at the same times but we expect them to be. Life doesn’t work that way.

We need to remember, we’re two separate people with separate lives and separate problems. Yes, many of your problems involve both of you directly but many don’t. You can never change your partner into someone they’re not. They spent 20 to 50 years becoming who they are. They aren’t going to change for you. It’s not going to happen. They can try but how long will it last until they turn back into the real people they are?

We all have disagreements, arguments, fights, or whatever. In how we do this is the difference in making or breaking a relationship. Remember, every fight leaves some kind of scar. Whether that be emotional or physical. Neither is pleasant and some can last a lifetime. Physical scars heal much quicker than emotional ones. When one suffers enough emotional scars, they get to a point where they are going to explode. They just can’t take it anymore. Their life seems ruined and one can go into a deep depression or be internally working on how to get out of this relationship. Whether that means divorce, an affair, or a complete mental breakdown. This is when someone is most vulnerable.

Would you rather be in a horrible relationship or be alone for a while? Getting yourself back together and then moving on to your new life. And yes, a new life. I know my choice. I have made it twice in my life and both times I made the right choice. I moved on. Was it a difficult decision? Absolutely, tremendously hard but one I had to make to keep my sanity and not be sucked up into their miserable world. Be safe and be good to yourself.

Wow….its funny hearing it come from a guy. As women, we always think that its us that suffer more than the men. However, Im not sure about that anymore. I can understand what he is saying from past experience and failures. Sometimes making the decision to walk away is the only route you can take. Be strong and do whats best for you.

Thank you Roni for sharing that with me and being there for me. We've been through alot of good times and bad in the 28 years that we've been friends. I think we both got something out of this!

October 7, 2007

Cheap Holiday Gift Ideas

I know what its like to dread the holidays because of little to no cash flow. I’ve done it since I became a single parent in 1993. For me, the priority was always my kids. I bought for them first and what ever was left over, I spent on my family. Its a lot easier when the kids are younger because the expenses aren’t quite as high dollar as the older kids…however, with all the new computer and video game technology, the kids are starting younger and younger. Here are a few cheap Christmas ideas I wanted to share that you can use for friends or family:

Family Pictures - Every year until my oldest son went in the military, I would get their pictures taken and pass those out as presents. If you play your cards right, you can get great deals around September and October. I would buy the frames at Wal-Mart or Big Lots and everyone loved them

Craft Bag - This can be done very reasonably. Take a large shoebox, and fill with odds and ends that can be used to make things. Cotton balls, tissue paper, glue, markers, paper, etc. Be creative. Even things like buttons and ribbon.

Makeup Kit - This idea is great for teen girls. Take a shoebox and fill with nail polish, polish remover, cosmetics, etc. You can cover the shoebox and write their name on the top of the box.

Garden Gift "Basket" - For the garden lover. Use a large clay pot for your "basket" fill with seeds, gloves, tools, plant food, etc.

Foaming Vanilla Bath -
1 cup oil (any vegetable oil)
1/2 c. liquid soap
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1/4 cup honey (optional)

Blend the ingredients together. Shake well before using. Use 1/4 cup per bath.
You can be very creative with the packaging of bath products. Take an empty wine cooler four pack (complete with box). Spray paint the box white (or gold or silver). Sponge paint with contrasting color. Wash labels off of bottles but keep the lids. Decorate the bottle with paint pens, with designs like squiggles, etc. Pour foaming bath in each bottle, close lids and put in box. Gifts for the Kids You don't have to break the bank to give kids practical and fun gifts that they will actually use.

If anyone else has some great ideas for gifts, please feel free to share. Wouldn’t it be nice to have Christmas done and paid for before it actually happens and with no lingering credit card bills? I will post your ideas and give you full credit!!!

October 6, 2007

Beep Beep Bon Appetite'

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Chicken and Rice Casserole

2 tablespoons butter or vegetable oil
1 medium onion, peeled and diced
3 cups diced, cooked chicken
2 (14 1/2-ounce) cans green beans, drained and rinsed
1 (8-ounce) can water chestnuts, drained and chopped
1 (4-ounce) jar pimentos
1 (10 3/4-ounce) can condensed cream of celery soup
1 cup mayonnaise
1 (6-ounce) box long-grain wild rice, cooked according to package directions
1 cup grated sharp Cheddar
Pinch salt

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Heat butter or oil in a small skillet over medium heat. Add onion and saute until translucent, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and transfer to a large bowl.
Add all remaining ingredients to bowl and mix together until thoroughly combined.
Pour into a greased 3-quart casserole dish. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until bubbly. Let stand for a few minutes before serving.

October 5, 2007


I've been tagged by the gal herself to share 5 things about myself that I have never shared before. This is going to be hard because I use my blog almost like a diary. Those who read my blog on a regular basis know alot about me but here goes!!

List 5 things about yourself that you have never shared before.

1. My mother was a single mother also. She did a great job of raising me and my younger sister and I truly believe I get my strength from her.

2. My mother was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma earlier this year. She is only 59 and is currently undergoing treatment. This has been one of the hardest things for me to endure and I pray every night that God will help to heal her body into a full recovery.

3. I'm obsessive compulsive about alot of things, especially in my job.

4. Ive just started a new workout routine to help me feel better about myself.

5. I dont like Broccoli, Cauliflower, Mushrooms, Onions or Olives .

No meme is complete without tags. I talk to these girls on a regular basis and admire them for who they are and what they do for me when I read their blogs. I would love to know more about them.

Domestic abuse

I spent some time watching the Lifetime Channel last weekend. For those of you who arent familiar with it, its a channel for women. My son always teases me because everytime im watching a movie on that channel, someone is going thru some type of crisis. I have to laugh...he's right. The theme last weekend was domestic abuse. I can understand what some women go thru on one level. I was never physically abused, but I have been emotionally and mentally. I tried to grasp the reality that this thing happens all the time. Women with and without children find themselves is situations that they cant seem to get out of. Either for financial reasons or because they are in fear for their life. It appeared that the women in the 2 movies I watched received little to no help from the justice system and I know, just from dealing with people that have been thru this, there was alot of truth there. Most of time the police do nothing until someone is put in the hospital. Restraining orders are a joke. What are you suppose to do when the person you're afraid of has you in a death grip, threatening to end your life?? Show him a piece of paper that states he needs to stay 500 feet away from you?? How do we get ourselves in situations like this? When it happens the first time, that should be a tell tale sign to run...but we dont. Instead, we listens to promises of change. "It will never happen again", is a phrase that becomes edged in our brains...then, we start to believe that. They beat you down until you lose site of who you are. I want you to know that no woman deserves this. No one should have so much power over you that you feel like a whipped dog dreading each day because you know the hope for better things is only a dream. There are organizations that help battered women. They get you to a safe house, and in some cases, help to change your identity. Dont wait until its too late.

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If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.Until the violence stops, the hotline will continue to answer…One Call at a Time. Help is available to callers 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Hotline advocates are available for victims and anyone calling on their behalf to provide crisis intervention, safety planning, information and referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 140 languages through interpreter services. I hope this information helps.

October 4, 2007

TT #31

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This banner was made just for my blog by Cindi at Whispering from the wings. Isnt she talented?? Thanks again!!

Thirteen Ways To Love Your Lover

1. Leave them love notes – Hidden in their lunch, a book they are reading, the visor of their car, any place unexpected but that they will be sure to find it.

2. Bake them something they love - like brownies, then put their initials on the top with M&M’s.

3. Send them a text message – or an email that they will get first thing in the morning when they get to work…just a little something simple to let them know you are thinking about them. Send them an e-card.
Here is a great website for that.

4. Give them your undivided attention – if they have a story to tell, give them your full attention. Look them in the eyes so they know you care.

5. Hold Hands – I think this is the sweetest sign of affection. Its like saying, “I love you and Im there for you.”

6. Flirt with each other– start the foreplay before the bedroom. Ive found if you tease each other all day, the sex that night is off the charts.

7. Wear something sexy - either on top or underneath your clothes. Sexy bra’s and panties can be a real turn on.

8. Snuggle – Watch a movie together and just touch each other.

9. Give them surprises – Buy them a card just because, or pick up a bag of their favorite brand of M&M’s.

10. Make out – Its hard to do this without it leading to sex but sometimes I just like to lay there and kiss…its one of my favorite things to do.

11. Always make them feel special – men have a tendency to have roaming eyes (well, some women do to)…but when you’re out with someone special, put that roaming eye away. That’s rude and disrespectful. A woman likes to feel like SHE is the only one rather than being in competition with all of the other women on the planet.

12. Have a picnic indoors (or in bed) – anyone for strawberries and chocolate?? Don’t forget the whip cream!!

13. Body massages – this can be very erotic and shows the other person that you love them and want them to feel good. Heck, even a good foot massage can say a lot without saying anything.

October 3, 2007

Happy 16th Birthday Brad!!!

Here is a shout out to my youngest son Brad for his 16th birthday. Wait until you see what I got you!!!!!I love you and I am sooooo proud of you. Let's go eat some Chinese food because everyone knows that's your favorite:) However, we can not celebrate until after 4:18pm because that is when you will officially be 16!!

Wordless Spooky Wednesday

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Does anyone remember this movie??

October 2, 2007

Oh Britney.....I am so NOT surprised at the outcome...

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Anyone that would make an ass of herself over and over again in public and fail to comply with the courts requirements to keep her kids deserves to lose them!! What an idiot...this girl really needs help. I dont know if giving them to their loser father is the right thing either. Now he REALLY doesnt have to get a job!! I, myself, think her mother should have custody if anyone was going to get it. Its funny...when they were married, they made Kevin out to be the worst father and husband ever...now, they make him out to be father of the year. Come on...the guy is still no good, he just doesnt have the cameras on him 24/7 like Britney. After all, he did leave his ex girlfriend Shar, while she was 6 months pregnant, to be with Britney. He doesnt pay child support for those kids either!! Britney needs to disappear and get her life back on track...but, I believe she is so selfish and self centered, it wont happen. God bless those beautiful boys...they dont deserve such screwed up parents. Look at what money buys you......AMAZING!!! What a perfect example of how NOT to be a single mother.

Ways to survive the holidays after a divorce or seperation.

Dealing with separation, divorce and loss is magnified during the holiday season. Even the anticipation can be unbearable. Many people feel overwhelmed by the stress and strain of trying to maintain the status quo, when in fact, their entire world is collapsing around them. The Holiday season serves as a reminder of happier times and is contrasted by the reality of loneliness and depression. While others are eagerly anticipating the holidays, a newly separated or divorced person often approaches this time of year with panic, sadness, and dread. Although there are no magical solutions to cure the holiday blues, there are things you can do to make it easier to cope.

Plan Ahead - Do something that is fun, relaxing, and as stress free as possible with people you really care about. If the holidays are just too painful and the reminders are everywhere, consider a vacation that allows you to "escape " the painful triggers.

Start new family traditions - You may want to hold on to some of the past traditions but it is a good idea to create some new rituals with friends and family.

Reassure your kids - Children can help create some of the new holiday rituals and traditions. Take time to brainstorm with your children about new ideas for celebrating.

Is it in the best interest of the child/children - Decide ahead of time how holidays will be divided. Reassure kids that you will be OK while they are with the other parent. Remember, tired kids will be stressed out and cranky, so plan according to their ages and ability to adjust. Keep the arrangements as simple as possible. My kids always spent Christmas morning with their Dad and Christmas Eve and Christmas night with me. It worked out great.

Make a schedule - Make a list of everything you need to do for the holidays and a target date to accomplish your goals.

Ask for help from family and friends
- Rely on a healthy support system if you are feeling isolated, lonely or depressed. Talk it out and get it out. I don’t know what I would do without my family and friends. Sometimes its even better than counseling.

Be realistic
- Picture perfect holidays are usually just an illusion. Have realistic expectations about the holiday season, especially the first year.

Take care of yourself - Get enough sleep and exercise. Eat healthy in order to maximize your ability to cope. It's easy to overeat or party too much to medicate your pain, but in the long run, it creates more problems.

Schedule time to rest - Give yourself a break. You deserve it!

One day at a time/one holiday at a time - It will get easier. It will get better. It will hurt less. Right now, just concentrate on one thing at a time!

If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or stuck, seek professional help. If for nothing else, to get you through the holidays. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive environment in which you can gain insight, learn problem-solving skills and find solutions to dealing with the anger and pain of separation and divorce.

Maybe if you're good, Santa will bring you one of these this year.

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October 1, 2007

How does a single mother do it all and have a sex life??

Sex is a very big part of my life, it always has been. I can be happy without it, but not for long. Some women see the end of a marriage (that involves children), as the end if their sex life. They think no one will want them because NOW they have kids. This is not true, however, the younger the child…the more creative you need to become. When I left my husband, Steven and Brad were 1 & 4. Even though I left him, I continued to sleep with him on the side because it was easy. I didn’t have to worry about babysitters, I knew my kids were safe, and they didn’t think twice when Daddy came to their new house and stayed the night. In hind site, I guess it was more of a closure thing than anything but I’m not sure it was the right thing. I dated for about 7 months off and on…it was more off than on because I needed to find a babysitter first and my mother was never quick to offer. I believe you have to set boundaries. I think bringing a man to your home after just meeting him is wrong. First of all, you don’t know him, second of all, what if he ends up being a whack job?? Then you’ve put you and your kids in danger. When I met Richard, my bf of 8 years, it was 3 months before I brought him home and even long before he met my kids. He would come over when they were in bed. I’m not advertising for premarital sex, in the eyes of many its wrong…but I never claimed to be a saint. We, as women, have needs and just because you’re a single mother doesn’t mean you have to be celibate until you find a potential husband. We’ve come a long way and its OK to take a test drive before you buy anything. My suggestion to you is, keep your single/available woman life separate from your single Mommy life. The chances of you finding Mr. Right the first time around after a failed marriage aren’t very good and you don’t want your kids to get attached to people that wont be in their life 3 months from now. Kids have enough to deal with, they don’t need the added confusion. Even though my oldest is in the Navy now and my youngest is 16, I STILL have respect for them when it comes to having men stay the night. After living with their single mother all their lives, they understand the drill now. Mom will tell them about the new man in her life when there is something to tell!!!

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