September 15, 2008

Nothing worth having is easy

It's clear, more than half of us are not only bad at marriage, we're lousy at divorce. We're still doing it in record numbers, but we don't seem to be learning a thing from the experience. After we face the failure, dry the tears, and explain it all to the kids, we still don't know how to make relationships work. If we don't learn from our failures, is it possible to learn from others' successes? Couples who are able to successfully resolve problems when they develop have the best chance to go on to a successful marriage, so they say. Problems early in marriage worsen over time rather than get better as many couples expect. Rather than viewing differences and conflicts as a sign of incompatibility, you need to develop a way of dealing with the issues before they escalate out of control.

I'm no expert at marriage but I have been divorced twice. I have also had a few long term relationships, Im in one now. I came to the conclusion that no two people are alike. Opposites do attract and they can make it work. You have to learn compromise. Don't rush to the alter on a whim, but rather, get to know your partner inside and out. You should never go thru with marriage if you think things will get better if you do it or because your biological clock is ticking. Its not a game, its a life long decision. Men and women handle conflict in radically different ways. Men flee, and women fight. If we can learn to see things from the other persons point of view, it would help everyone in the long run. Nothing worth having is easy. Both people need to work at it. And in the end, you just might find your happily ever after. It could happen!

2 comments:

Debbie said...

Well said. I've always thought it is important to figure out what went wrong in the last relationship and your own part in it before starting a new one.

As for marriage, I think our definition is skewed. If we go into it as a covenant and commitment as opposed to a self-gratifying or convenient arrangement it helps. Marriage isn't designed to make us "happy" but to help us grow. Divorce is sometimes necessary and the only option but to a much lesser extent than it happens.

baby~amore' said...

Great advice

'Rather than viewing differences and conflicts as a sign of incompatibility, you need to develop a way of dealing with the issues before they escalate out of control."

It has been a while great to see you happy.