Wordless Wednesday

Teenagers!! Notice the empty cans....

The Break Up

I was watching a movie the other night that seemed very true to life with regards to relationships and break ups. Its not the first time Ive watched it but it seems to get the same response from me every time I do. The movie is called The Break Up. Gary (Vince Vaughn) and Brooke (Jennifer Aniston) are a mismatched couple who meet, develop a seemingly contented relationship, and buy a beautiful condo together. Soon an all-too-believable fight triggers the title event, and they spend the rest of the movie alternately arguing and playing mind games as they battle over ownership of their beloved condo and try to decide whether or not they really want this to be the end. Some of the arguments they get into and the things that they go thru made me have a bit of Deja Vu'. Its funny, when you sit back and look at a situation from the outside, you get a whole different perspective. I know this was only a movie, but it was really well done. It makes you wonder how two people, who once loved each other very much, can turn into complete enemies. When you fall in love with someone, all you want to do is make them happy. I don't understand how it can go from one extreme to the other in the blink of an eye, well, sometimes multiple years but you know what I mean. I recommend this film and I wouldn't necessarily call it a chick flick. In my eyes, they did a great job.

Because I said so....

When you were a kid and your mother gave you the excuse "Because I said so", were you ever really satisfied with that? I swore when I grew up, and had kids of my own, that was something I would never say. Guess what?? Yep, I did and do. Sometimes, that's all you really need to say. However, it never ends with that. Especially when you have Teenagers. OK, probably all kids are included in that one but the Teenagers are notorious for challenging your come back. I think the usually response is "But why?" Followed again by "Because I said so." Why do parents need a better response than that? If you are the adult/parent in the house, your word is law. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. Paying the bills and feeding these young animals is something we learn to except as parents and we do it with love. Usually, the request that they are asking for deserves the above response. It's either out of the question financially or you feel that they may be at risk. I cant wait for the day when my children have kids of their own. I put the Mothers curse on my oldest so we shall see if it really works. My Mom did the same thing to me. You know what I'm talking about, right? The phrase, "I hope you have children someday that are just like you. Then you'll understand why I do what I do." There may be other reasons for your response but it doesn't really matter. They have to remember that we are the parents and our word is law. Until they can support themselves, the children and young adults in our lives will just have to deal with it. If you have a better suggestion or an opinion on this response, please feel free to share.

Does money really buy happiness?

A leading cause for divorce in todays society is money. More often than most, its the lack of it. You usually start off playing the "Blame Game" and it goes down hill from there. Either one person doesnt make enough or someone is spending too much. Why? In the beginning, we all have a plan. You share your hopes and dreams with a promise to do everything you can to make the person that you love happy. Does it always need to involve finance? Personally, its the little things that make me happy. I dont require diamonds and furs, nor do I need to drive the nicest car on the block. Money doesnt need to equal happiness. They dont go hand in hand. Its true, when there is a lack of money and you find yourself struggling to pay your bills on a month to month basis, it could play a big roll in your relationship. However, you must realize that its not the MOST important thing. As a single mother, I have spent alot of time without it. I learned how to entertain my children as cheap as I possibly could and I dont remember ever being miserable. No, it wasnt always a piece of cake. I wanted to give my kids more but they never really pushed the subject and it appeared as though they were always happy. Why cant couples learn the same concept? You need to talk about your problems and work them out rather than looking for someone to point the finger at as a reason for the relationships demise. It takes two to make it work, not one. Pencil out your problems and work thru them. Children set a great example. Have you ever watched them playing in the park? Life should be like that. We need to learn to be more carefree like the children and then maybe that will lead us to be happier adults.

TT #59

13 things Id love to see before I die

1. My children happy and content in love and life.

2. My house remodeled just the way I want it with a pool in the backyard.

3. Deasey after Lori.

4. A cure for Cancer.

5. The end of the war in Iraq.

6. The price of gas below $2.00 a gallon.

7. My youngest son graduate from High School and in his own place.

8. Perfection when I look in the mirror.

9. Colorado after a snow storm.

10. Hawaii, Maui in particular.

11. Tuscany, Italy.

12. Sydney, Australia.

13. New York, New York - the city so nice, they named it twice.

Wordless Wednesday

Welfare vs Getting a job

Welfare has been around for years. And as such, has also been abused in the process. I understand pregnant mothers that have no where to turn and need this assistance...in the beginning. However, I don't believe in raising your kids on it. Sure, all mothers would love to stay home and raise their children but using that as an excuse to receive financial aide is a bunch of nonsense. First of all, I have no idea how they survive. I know, back in the day, the State would give mothers extra money for every child they had without any incentive to get off. Times have changed. People are tired of supporting other peoples offspring's so they have forced the system to help the mothers. Wow, what a concept. If you really look at how you survive off of financial aide, it would be more beneficial to get a job. There are even programs to help train women for today's market. I have been a single mother since my boys were 1 and 4. I never collected financial aide from the state nor assistance from anyone. I did it on my own because my dead beat ex husband couldn't hold down a job and was constantly chasing his wife across state lines or running from the law. It can be done. We would all much rather stay home and watch our children's first steps, rolling over for the first time, saying their first word, but you benefit them more by leading by example. Not to mention, it isnt fair. Why should anyone get to stay home with their child while I work to support them and my own children? What do the kids learn when Mommy stays at home all day and cant pay the bills?? Not responsibility. Do something to help yourself. If you cant afford to feed them, you shouldn't breed them. Things happen though and I completely understand. If you need the assistance, then use it. Don't make it a lifetime plan though. The longer you're off the job market, the harder it is to get a job. There are places to help with child care. Utilize them, and in turn, gain some self respect. If I have offended anyone, please accept my apology. No, wait, this is really how I feel. If I can support 2 boys on one salary, anyone can. Just do it.

Moving in together...

You've been with someone for a while and have decided to take the next step. In this day and age, its acceptable to live together before marriage. Although I know, back in the day it was considered sinful or taboo. Lets face it though, times have changed. Before you take that walk down the isle, you want to make sure you can cohabitate peacefully together. Well, maybe not always peaceful, but that's what puts the spice in life. How long should you wait before making that step? 3 months? 6 months? 9 months? a year? What is the status quo for that type of commitment? Personally, I think you have to weigh alot of factors before you do something like this. Do you love each other? Is he/she good to your kids? Are you happier together than you are apart? I don't think that there are any guidelines per se, it all depends on the situation. Everyone is different, just like every situation is different. What works for one couple doesn't necessarily work for another. Communication is the key. You have to discuss this type of move more than once. Actually, discuss the heck out of it. Make sure that this is truly what you want. If you have children, sit down with them and listen to their feedback. Let them know that things will change, but you're hoping it will be for the better. You can't predict what the future may hold, but you shouldn't stop yourself from moving forward because of your fears. You never know until you try. I know that the women of yesteryear will tell you that a man wont buy the cow if he can get the milk for free. However, it works both ways. Women of today are smart and independent. We choose what we want and find a way to make it happen. I dont know if a guarantee is what we are looking for because in reality, life just doesn't work that way. You need to be realistic in your expectations. Sometimes you just have to say, "what the hell" and give it a try. Any opinions on this topic? I'm interested in hearing what you think.

A time to heal

In life, we go thru many ups and downs. This ever changing roller coaster ride is called "reality as we know it" and it might have certain people wondering if the Universe has a sense of humor. During the good times, the world is wonderful. You have to remember though, you cant always be happy. If you were, you'd never appreciate the good times for what they are. You would expect it. Hmmm, maybe that would be awesome but thats not how it works. That's why you accept the bad with the good. I believe in giving yourself time to heal. Divorce and/or break ups are hard and can be devastating to both your mind and your heart. You need to know you're not alone. Everyone has ups and downs. Heartache is one of the worst pains you can go thru, in my opinion. A broken heart will effect everything else in your life. How much time you need to heal depends on the person. I was in a long term relationship and it took me over a year to start feeling normal again. I actually needed the help of medication and counseling and I'm not ashamed to say that. Alot of people do it. Its ok if you dont think you can get thru something on your own. Sometimes telling your woes to a complete stranger it very refreshing. You get the opinion of a person that doesn't know anyone else in your life. They hear what you have to say and try to help you look at things logically. What we go thru in life molds us into the people we become. Whether that is good or bad depends on you. I think you can learn from your mistakes and grow as a person. You simply need to remember to breathe. Dont be too hard on yourself and give it time. In the end, it all happens for a reason. I truly believe in fate and that there is no such thing as coincidence. Dont let life get you down. Be good to yourself. After all, we are all only human.

TT #58

13 movies to avoid if you're going thru a break up...

1. The Notebook

2. Jerry Maguire

3. Sleepless in Seattle

4. An Officer and a gentleman

5. The Way we Were

6. Titanic

7. You've got mail

8. Message in a bottle

9. City of Angels

10. Serendipity

11. Urban Cowboy

12. Ghost

13. Hope floats

Wordless Wednesday

Another year with Supportkids

I started my blog in 2/07 because I was fed up with the company I hired to collect child support. I did several blogs to try and get the message across that these people were crooks. Next month marks the 6th year that Supportkids has been taking 34% of my child support. I have tried to terminate with them several times but they refuse to cancel my contract. I recently had a fellow blogger post a comment on a blog I posted in November that stated:

We are looking into filing complaints against this company. Furthermore, the state of Virginia just filed a lawsuit against them as well.

I know that collecting child support can be a never ending battle. I went for almost 8 years without receiving anything. True, this company marketed their product on my TV, and I snapped at the chance to receive some type of payment to help me raise my kids. Little did I know, they are in it for the money. He owed my over $40,000 in back support. I tried to go thru the DA but it seemed like I was doing all the work. Once he left the State, they didn't try to pursue him. Now, Supportkids will not cancel my contract until they have collected all of that money. Wow, 34% of $40,000 is quite a bit of blood money, wouldn't you say? I'm sending out a warning to all of the desperate parents out there in search of help. READ the fine print. Do not hire Supportkids. If you do, you will be sorry. If the DA's office would just do their jobs, we wouldn't be so desperate that we hire companies like this. To me, they are no better than those people at "Check n Go." They suck you in and you cant ever get out. You give them money, they take their share, and give you whats left over. Its a bunch of crap if you ask me. People shouldn't be able to prey on innocent parents looking for help. The bottom line, DON'T HIRE SUPPORTKIDS.

TT #57

13 things you should never order on the first date.

1. Spaghetti - No need for explanation on that one.

2. Hamburgers - It can be very unattractive to show your date how big your mouth is when you bite into one of these monsters.

3. Tequila shots - You want to make a good impression, not dance on the tables.

4. Oysters - This may make him think you are a horn dog and he might be expecting something a little later.

5. Dessert - You don't want to make a pig of yourself. Wait until the 5th date to show him your true colors.

6. Mexican Food - Without the Beanos. There is nothing worse than trying to get romantic with someone that has gas!

7. Anything with chunks of big, black Pepper - Try smiling at your date and having a little something in you teeth that you don't discover until your trip to the Ladies Room.

8. Salad and Water - Come on. They know you eat real food. You aren't fooling anyone.

9. Crab legs - How do you get that meat out gracefully?

10. The biggest Steak on the Menu - This has a completely different effect than the Salad and Water.

11. Indian Food - That you have to grab with your fingers and shove in your mouth. That just isn't lady like.

12. Avoid Buffet's - but if you do go, don't have multiple plates and try not to pile too much onto one. You can always stop by McDonald's later if you're still hungry.

13. The most expensive meal on the Menu - True, this can be fun but you don't want him to think you're in it for the money. Give him reassurance that he can afford to take you out (by ordering something sensible) without draining his wallet.

Isn't your child more important?

I read a story today about a 2 year old girl that was beaten to death with a video game remote by the mother’s boyfriend. I don’t get it. I noticed quite a few child abuse cases when I worked in the hospital that were caused by a boyfriend or stepfather. The excuses they gave for the child’s contusion and fractures were absolutely amazing. And what's really crazy, they think we believe them. People in the medical field can spot an NAT (non accidental trauma) case from a mile away. They aren't fooling anyone. How can a mother allow that to happen to her child? They don’t ask to be brought into this world. When you give birth, it’s your job to love and protect your offsprings from harm. Heck, even animals do it. As a single mother, I never had this problem while my children were growing up. Let me rephrase that, I WOULDN’T have this problem because I would have killed anyone that tried to hurt my children. What are the mothers thinking? It happens with girlfriends and stepmothers too but not as often. Several of the kids have old wounds so the majority have been admitted to the hospital or were seen in the Emergency Room before. What gives any adult the right to beat on a child?? I know that some women feel stuck in certain situations and may be afraid to do something about it. However, if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your child. They learn what they live, if they survive. Unfortunately, the child in the story will never know what its like to get her license or go to Senior Prom. Get help if you are afraid. Not only did the boyfriend get charged, so did the mother for letting it happen. No man or woman is worth your life or the life of your child. Call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD if you suspect abuse. Dont turn your back on our kids.

Wordless Wednesday

The view from our room at the Queen Mary last weekend

What is sexy??

I guess if you lined up a bunch of people (men and women) and asked them the definition of sexy, they would probably all have different opinions. If you look it up in the Dictionary, it would tell you that sexy is something sexually suggestive or stimulating, generally attractive or interesting, and erotic. A person can wear something sexy(trashy to some), have the perfect body, bleach blonde hair, ripped muscles, then open their mouth and have nothing but crap come out. Talk about losing interest quick. A man can be a perfect 10, but if he's an asshole or not very intelligent, it does absolutely nothing for me. Someone that cant carry on a meaningful conversation or make me laugh is extremely unsexy, no matter how he looks. Those men that hang out in strip clubs, drooling for the chance that one of those girls might find them in a crowd and become their Mrs. Right...well, they have a better chance at winning the lotto. It's also the same for Chippendale's (the male strip clubs). I hung out with male strippers back in the day. We'd watch them dance at a local club in Riverside then all go out for breakfast after the club closed. I loved the show but wouldn't think twice about saying no to Mr. Gigiolo. To me, sexy is a state of mind. If you feel confident about yourself, you portray that confidence outward. It goes for many aspects in your life but sexy is a big one. And guess what? It doesn't matter what size you are. Ive been with guys who had nice bodies that didn't turn me on half as much as someone that may not be perfect but had a great sense of humor. Don't compare yourself to others, be happy in your skin, with who you are. Once you love yourself, you will radiate sex appeal. Am I right?

A few tips for the men....

Men and women are very different creatures. We dont look alike, nor act alike, and heaven forbid think alike. If we did, life would be so much easier for both of us. People spend alot of time trying to figure out the opposite sex but to no prevail. Women analayze men, making them more complicated than they are and men dont dig deep enough into their emotional, sensitive sides to try and grasp where women are coming from. Here are a few tips for the men:

Tip 1: Know thyself. Be honest to yourself and others about who you really are. Human beings (and women in particular) are very sensitive and can sniff out a fake in a second.

Tip 2: Have respect. After all those stories about knights in shining armor, what do you expect?? Being respectful means showing through your actions that you believe she is special. You wouldn't believe how far 'outdated' things like opening a car door can take you. Women really do love that kind of stuff.

Tip 3: Dress the part. That doesn't mean you have to wear a suit. Just look the best within the realm of your personality. Really, if Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom could be considered sexy in their Pirates of the Caribbean outfits, what do you have to worry about? As a tip, smelling good can be a REAL turn on.

Tip 4: Use the element of surprise. Everyone loves a little spice in the hum-drum of life. Plan an unexpected outing. Have a special gift delivered. Send flowers to the office. Put dates for these "surprises" in your calendar and make sure they get done.

All women want is to be loved and respected. To be appreciated for who we are and to feel beautiful by the men that love us. See, it wasnt really complicated at all. Were you taking notes?? Yes we're different, but is that really such a bad thing? Honestly, would you want to sleep with someone just like you? I didnt think so. Any questions?

Sex, is it really that important?

And the answer to that question is, absolutely!! I know people that have been in relationships for years. Some of them say they can take it or leave it. I have to disagree. I believe that if you have a strong sexual relationship, everything else can fall into place. There are heated moments that you get into with your significant other. These include arguing, yelling, throwing shoes, name calling, passing the buck, playing the blame game..whatever. Now, lets defuse that situation and add a little one on one time, VOILA!! What you were just arguing about a few minutes ago was suddenly replaced by euphoria and the ultimate climax. Heck, you dont even remember what you were fighting about. The stresses of everyday life can be a bit overwhelming at time. Things don't go as they should and people make you mad. You then come home and take it out on the ones you love. It isnt intentional, it just happens. Next time, try just going straight for the sex. Bypass the small talk and lead your man into the bedroom. What a wonderful way to relieve stress. If a man doesn't do it for you right off the bat, show him what you want. The same goes for the men. We are two different species who are never on the same page at the same time. You have to communicate both outside and inside the bedroom. The connection that you have with that special someone can only be enhanced when you become one with each other. Lets face it, you are never more vulnerable than when you're naked. Giving yourself mind, body, and soul to someone is an awesome gift and it should never be pushed to the side no matter how long you've been together. The conclusion, sex IS very important. We don't need it to survive but it sure does make survival on this planet a much nicer experience. Do you agree? If you've been married for multiple years, think back to the beginning. There, wasnt that a wonderful bunch of memories? Find the time and stop making excuses. It could be one of the most rewarding necessities that you do (for yourself and your partner) in your every day life.

TT #56

13 things about single mothers....

1. We are independent.

2. We can bring home the bacon AND fry it up in a pan.

3. We don't need men to complete us. They are the reason we are single mothers. However, the RIGHT man can be very nice to have around.

4. We are choosy about who we bring home and always take our kids into consideration when looking for the right guy.

5. We are beautiful inside and out.

6. Don't tell us how to run our lives, we've mastered that already.

7. We are strong both in our minds and our will.

8. We should get a card for both Mother and Fathers Day because that is our roll the majority of the time.

9. We are sensitive but we are thick skinned when we need to be.

10. We can do yard work and house work, all in the same day.

11. We find time for homework and a sex life.

12. We can multitask like no other.

13. We love our children enough to do it on our own and succeed.

Wordless Wednesday

Being a Military Mom

Most of you know, from past blogs, that I have a son in the Navy. Heck, all you have to do is look at my sidebar. I found out recently that my son will be going to Iraq in October. My heart is breaking. This is the child I raised to be the best person he can be, to succeed in life, and to do the right thing. True, we had our share of ups and downs from ages 15 to 17, teenagers aren't easy people to understand. He put me thru hell and made me age about 10 years in a 2 year period. Putting all that aside, I just cant believe that he is going to a place filled with such hate for Americans and I wont be there to protect him. The military has trained him to be a soldier, that's what they do, but how do they prepare the parents? How do you equip a mother for something like this? He will be fighting in a war I don't understand for people that don't want his help. I think the military itself does a great job of grooming young men, who without that program, might be otherwise lost in the chaos of life. I come from a military family and I accept the fact that we must protect our freedom. I don't agree with dieing for the sake of oil. We have lost over 4000 soldiers in this war. Please God, don't let my son be another statistic. I pray for the families of all the lost and wounded children we have sent to battle. He believes in what he does and is willing to die for his country. I, on the other hand, am not willing to lose my son. I hope that the next person they put in office will bring our soldiers home. I know the election wont be soon enough to keep my son from going but maybe it will keep someone else's son or daughter from making that voyage. I will keep politics out of this because I have a strong belief that if a certain someone is elected (McCain), we will never end this war. I'm proud to be a Military Mom and I am going to stand behind my son, since I wont be in a position to stand in front of him. I just hope and pray, pray, pray that something positive comes from this whole experience. May Steven learn to appreciate all the freedoms that we have in this country and may he never be put in the position to take someones life. God bless our soldiers and their families!