Choosing Hospice

As many of you know, I work for a hospice company. When I took this job, I received alot of negative feed back. Not because of hospice itself but because most people think its a very depressing job. For those of you that don't know or understand what it is, I will explain it to you. Hospice is a program that provides palliative care and attends to the emotional and spiritual needs of terminally ill patients at an inpatient facility or at the patient's home. The patients general have 6 months or less to live. When you decide that hospice is what you or your loved one needs, you also have to agree to no further aggressive treatment. Which means, if you have cancer you agree to no chemotherapy. We focus on comfort measures during the last stage of a persons disease. Our company also has social workers that help the families apply for food programs, get vouchers from utility companies, and help families plan funerals. It takes a special kind of person to do this.


Many people feel that by choosing hospice, they have given up. That isn't necessarily the case. We have had people discharge off of hospice and decide that further aggressive treatment would be a better option. However, in order to qualify for our programs, a physician makes the determination that the person is terminally ill and would not benefit from aggressive treatment. Physicians aren't God though. All they can do is speculate, miracles happen every day. Our staff is on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Considering I spent 15 years working for hospitals and medical groups trying to cure the sick, this was a completely different avenue to take. It has completely changed my aspect of the service in general. I started this job the same week my father died. How is that for timing? They were the most understanding people I could have hoped for. Not only was I paid for bereavement, but I got comfort from all the staff, including the Chaplin. I want people to know that hospice isn't a bad thing. They provide pain relief and try to make your last days on earth as comfortable as possible. It isn't for everyone but don't count it out completely because of the title. Hospice companies are available all over the world. If you have questions, don't be afraid to ask. They understand your concerns and are there to help.

Raiders VS. Chargers

If you cant beat them, join them. Yep, its true. I have gone from a Football hater to a watcher. My man loves football. He is a Raiders fan thru and thru. So, I decided to pick a team this year and follow suit. My team, the Chargers. Why, you ask? The uniforms. I think the dusty blue jerseys are cute. This Thursday, we are going to see the Raiders VS. the Chargers in San Diego. I had to buy the tickets for the Raider side since this was a birthday present for DBF Michael, but I will be rooting for the Chargers to win. Of course, since I will be sitting on opposing teams side, my cheering will be internal. I will do my best not to jump up and yell when and if the Chargers make a touchdown. Come on, I'm not stupid. Have you seen the Raider Nation? There is no way in the world I would sit on their side and say anything except, "Go Raiders!!"

I have come along way since last year. I was fighting a losing battle against Sunday football. Now that I understand a little bit more about the game, its not so bad. I think I started my appreciation with last years Superbowl. What a game!! Talk about intense. I'm not sure if either one of our teams will make it to the Superbowl this year but I'm not going to give up hope. Come on Thursday!! Its gonna be a good game.

The Lesbian Christmas Light Debacle

Putting Christmas lights up has never been rocket science, at least thats what I thought before today. All you have to do is connect strands of lights together, put them up, and VIOLA! Instant lights. Right? Nope, not at our house. DBF Michael and I did a fine job of working as a team to get the job done. You connect the male ends to the female ends until its long enough to fit around the house. Piece of cake? You would think so, wouldnt you? What if you put up all of your lights and find out that there is no way to plug them in? Yep, that's what happened to us. We started out with the female end, meaning the end that something plugs into, and ended up with a male end. No problem. There were enough lights to go around the house and make it a beautiful display of green and red. So, the job is finally done and its time to plug them in. Well, the end that we have always used, which goes thru the spare bedroom window, was a female end. OK...so, we get an extension cord. You have to plug in the male end to the female end...and what do you have? Another female end. No matter how many extension cords you use, you still are left with a female end. How do you plug them in?

We both looked at each other, thinking to ourselves, what in the heck did we do wrong? I don't remember Christmas lights ever being this difficult but we couldn't come to a conclusion that worked. The only way to fix it would be to take down all of the lights and start out with a male end...something that can plug into something else. No way!! The whole house is done and now we have to redo it? Nope, instead, we decided to make it work from the other side of the house. We put an extension cord up and over the rafters, around the garage door, and thru the tiny vent at the bottom of the farthest wall in the garage. Where there is a will, there is definitely a way. The moral to this story?? Before you decide to put up your lights, think twice. Whatever you do, don't start out with the female end if that's the one you are using to plug them in. You will end up in the same situation.....In the dark trying to string up lights. It wasn't an easy task and had us both scratching our heads but we pulled it off!! For the record, two female ends wont work no matter how many extension cords you have. You need a male and a female to pull it off.

Gossip Magazines

My guilty pleasure for this week is gossip rag's. You know the ones Im talking about. When you are waiting in line a the grocery store and they are staring you straight in the face? There is always a picture or article that grabs your attention. You pick it up, and BAM, you're hooked. I personally read them from front to back. No page goes unturned, no article is unread. I love this stuff. Its funny, the stars will tell you that its all a bunch of crap. However, when they say certain couples are having issues, the next month you see them in divorce court.

The thing that cracks me up the most is the "bump watch". Heaven forbid one of those women has a little water retention. If you are stick thin and gain 5 pounds during that time of the month, you are sure to be a target. Some of them are actually pregnant and will dodge that question until they are ready to deliver (thank you Christina Aguilera) but the majority of them arent. It would be tough to be in the public eye all the time. No wonder they have eating disorders. These magazines are notorious for photo modification. They can make someone who is a little chubby look as big as a house. Of course, their idea of chubby is a size 4. I dont read it for that, although it is quite funny. I just like to find out who's dating who and whats going on in Hollywood. I dont care about Lindsey Lohan or Paris Hilton, as they are regulars. Although, I did tune in when they both went to jail. Paris hasnt been the same since. Thank God.

I guess you can say Im addicted, and I love my drug of choice!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wordless Wednesday

I see you! Thanks for stopping by.

What an awesome movie!!

DBF Michael and I went to see Changeling this weekend. Wow, what a movie! Angelina Jolie threw down quite a performance. I think what made it even better, or more terrifying, is that is was based on a true story. A mother prays for the return of her kidnapped son. When her prayers are answered, however, she begins to suspect the boy who comes back is not her child even though the police chief keeps telling her it is. For every single mother out there, this would be your worst nightmare. I don't want to ruin the story by saying too much. We both enjoyed it. Even though it was over 2 hours long, I had no idea we had been sitting there for that amount of time. That's how good it was. Kudos to Angelina and John Malcovich (one of my favorite actors anyway) for making this a spectacular movie.

Two big thumbs up!!

I own a home!

For the first time in my life I can actually say that I'm a home owner. What a great feeling and I couldn't have done it without my Dad. Unfortunately, he is no longer with us but there isn't a day that goes by I don't think about him. I'm 42 years old and have spent 20 years raising kids. The majority of that on my own. Robbing Peter to pay Paul was a regular occurance in our rented duplex apartment. At times I thought I would never make it thru. Unrelenting, is a very good word to describe me. That's what you have to be as a single parent. I just found out, also, that my loan was approved. I can now go forward with the changes I want to make to my house. Ive thought about planting a tree in my Dads honor as a memorial and to show thanks for what he has done for me.

Let me give you a little back story, he is not my biological father. He adopted me when he married my mother. I was only 4 at the time. Even after their divorce, which was only 5 years after their marriage, he still continued to be my Dad. His name was put on my birth certificate and he never made me feel any different than my sisters, who were his biological children. In the end, we all got houses without mortgages. I have alot of work to do on the house but it doesn't matter because MY name is on the deed. No words could ever express the gratitude and love I have for him. And sometimes when I'm alone, I can feel him watching over me. He wasn't a very verbal man when it came to saying "I love you", but we always knew he did. If I could say one thing to him now it would be "Thanks for all you've done Pop. I love and miss you very much." Now, its time to celebrate. Then, off to the store for a tree I think my Dad would like. Dont ever give up hope. Everything happens when its time. Be patient because good things come to those who wait.

Happiness......

I think happiness is something you decide. You can either live your life miserable or except what it’s given you and make the best of it. We all have our ups and downs. You wouldn’t be human if this wasn’t the case. Misery, on the other hand, loves company. If you have ever been around someone that is always unhappy, it brings you down. You can try your best to change their perspective but I think it’s a decision they make. Some people like being that way. Chronic complainers are also a challenge. You know the type, nothing ever makes them happy. How do they get like that? My depression comes and goes and it generally coincides with a certain time of the month or a particular time of the year. The holidays, especially Christmas, can be hard for me. I lost someone very important in December and it just hasn’t been the same since. This year may be even more of a challenge with my son being in Iraq. It will be the first Christmas of his life that we haven’t been together. I’m going to stay as cheerful as I can for his benefit, at least while I’m talking to him. I wouldn’t want him to feel worse than he already does.

Life is tough. We have things we regret but learn to make the best of it and move on. If your life is always filled with “what if’s”, who is busy living your “now” moments? Trying to make everyone happy all the time can be exhausting. Have you ever heard of negative energy? It’s a vibe a person puts out and it radiates through a room in no time. If you think you have a problem with this, try looking at life a little different. Have you ever thought about what you have instead of what you don’t have? When was the last time you gave thanks for your blessings? Everybody has them. Are you employed? Do you have a roof over your head? Is your fridge stocked? Are there people that love you? Don’t focus on the negative but rather, make the best of what you have. We only have one chance here on earth. Why not make the best of it? What could you possibly have to lose? Try smiling next time you feel bad. Its surprising how much better it can make you feel.

Guilty Pleasures

DBF Michael had a great idea for a post. He suggested I do an article each week of things that bring me pleasure. My guilty pleasure for this week is Gordon Ramsay.



Have any of you watched Hell's Kitchen? What about Kitchen Nightmares? I love it!! Hell's kitchen is more of a reality "who's the best chef" kinda show. Kitchen nightmares is a whole different ball game. He is asked by different restaurant owners to come in and "SAVE" their business. He can be very brutal, or is that brutally honest? Its funny, first he meets them, then they feed him their best dishes, and he gives them his opinion. Its NEVER good. I always thought it was funny because when he eats, his fork is upside down. According to DBF Michael, that's a British thing. I don't know if I could be an owner of a business and handle what he has to say but man is it fun watching their responses. In the end, he saves the day. He teaches the staff about simple cooking, he modifies the menu, and then redecorates the decor. After that, he returns to find out how things are going. Most of them end up with a booming business. Others, go back to their old ways or lose their restaurants all together. I think he's great.

We just found out he has a restaurant in LA. I looked at the menu and its a bit pricey. However, I think if Ramsay had anything to do with it, it will be FABULOUS!!. If you haven't checked him out you really should. Its pure comedy and you might even learn something especially if you are thinking about opening your own business. The filth that he walks into most of the time has really made me think twice when choosing a restaurant. Thank You Gordon....You rock!

Child support and visitation

Did you know that if a non custodial parent doesn't pay their child support, they can still see the kids? I was told, when my children were younger, that it didn't matter if my ex husband was a dead beat Dad or not. He could still have visitation with the children. Now does that seem right to you? We as custodial parents are there for homework, illness, school clothes, dentist visits, late night feedings, skinned knee's, teenage attitudes and we pay for everything our children need to survive. They, in turn (meaning the dead beat Dads) can come in when they feel like it and see their kids without having any financial accountability. As a matter of fact, if we refuse to let them see our children, we can be arrested for violating a court order. What that tells me is, its OK not to pay child support because you're going to be able to see your kids anyway.

My ex husband had no remorse for the financial burdens I endured. He was too busy feeling sorry for himself or chasing after his drug addicted wife. If I brought up the fact that I was having problems making ends meet, he would change the subject or start a fight about the amount of back child support he owed and how unfair it was that the DA was keeping a tally. Of course, that was when he actually called or showed up to take the children. For many years, I hated him. I think that if a non custodial parent doesn't pay child support, and they are perfectly capable of working, they shouldn't have visitation rights. The only inconvenience the DA does is take away their license. Which I find ironic. If you cant get to work, how can you be expected to pay? There has to be a better alternative. It didn't really affect my ex because he left the state and got a new license in Tennessee. Something else needs to be done for these repeat offenders. Although, I'm not sure what that is. The child support dilemma is a system that has been broken for years. It isn't getting better, its getting worse. If two people come together and have a child, they should both have equal responsibility in raising it/them. Both financially and emotionally. Wouldn't you agree? And women that keep children away from fathers that really want to be there for their kids need to be addressed as well. It a two way street. Not all fathers are bad. Some actually want to see there children. How did this system get so messed up? Who really suffers? The children, thats who.

TT #83

13 words of wisdom for women.

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

2. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

3. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

4. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

5. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

6. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

7. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

8. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

9. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

10.Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

11.The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

12.Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

13. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat ON you.

Wordless Wednesday