November 20, 2008

Child support and visitation

Did you know that if a non custodial parent doesn't pay their child support, they can still see the kids? I was told, when my children were younger, that it didn't matter if my ex husband was a dead beat Dad or not. He could still have visitation with the children. Now does that seem right to you? We as custodial parents are there for homework, illness, school clothes, dentist visits, late night feedings, skinned knee's, teenage attitudes and we pay for everything our children need to survive. They, in turn (meaning the dead beat Dads) can come in when they feel like it and see their kids without having any financial accountability. As a matter of fact, if we refuse to let them see our children, we can be arrested for violating a court order. What that tells me is, its OK not to pay child support because you're going to be able to see your kids anyway.

My ex husband had no remorse for the financial burdens I endured. He was too busy feeling sorry for himself or chasing after his drug addicted wife. If I brought up the fact that I was having problems making ends meet, he would change the subject or start a fight about the amount of back child support he owed and how unfair it was that the DA was keeping a tally. Of course, that was when he actually called or showed up to take the children. For many years, I hated him. I think that if a non custodial parent
doesn't pay child support, and they are perfectly capable of working, they shouldn't have visitation rights. The only inconvenience the DA does is take away their license. Which I find ironic. If you cant get to work, how can you be expected to pay? There has to be a better alternative. It didn't really affect my ex because he left the state and got a new license in Tennessee. Something else needs to be done for these repeat offenders. Although, I'm not sure what that is. The child support dilemma is a system that has been broken for years. It isn't getting better, its getting worse. If two people come together and have a child, they should both have equal responsibility in raising it/them. Both financially and emotionally. Wouldn't you agree? And women that keep children away from fathers that really want to be there for their kids need to be addressed as well. It a two way street. Not all fathers are bad. Some actually want to see there children. How did this system get so messed up? Who really suffers? The children, thats who.

1 comment:

xajfree said...

I agree. I always find it infuriating that not only do I do all the hardwork but my dead beat ex just sees his child when it is "convenient" because of course the world revolves around him. And like you said we are the ones supporting, educating and disciplining while they just come and enojoy the fruit of our labor. We do need to do something about this system that encourages this type of behavior. We need to get together and find ways to change the system for all of our sakes.