November 13, 2008

The Mistress

I’ve often wondered the logic behind being the other woman. I mean, if the guy is cheating on his wife and/or girlfriend, what makes you think he won’t cheat on you? It happened to me. My ex husband had an affair. I didn’t find out until a year after I left him but the way I found out was pretty comical. He worked odd hours and hooked up with a fellow employee. After seeing what she looked like, I had to laugh. Anyway, I got a call from “Beth” one day. I had already moved on and was in another relationship so it really didn’t affect me much but it did answer some questions. Beth called to tell me that my ex was cheating on her, and she was so mad, she wanted to come clean with me by telling me she had an affair with my husband while we were married. I found it quite ironic. It didn’t come as a blow to me. I was surprised but not upset. However, in looking back, the time frame she said that they had begun their affair was right around the time that we stopped having sex. We went from “doing it” daily, to once a week, if that. It was like a light switch turned off and our marriage was on the down hill slide to divorce court.

I’m not a patient person and I must admit I’ve been guilty of not sticking around long enough to try and make it work. If I am not happy, I move on. We had been together 7 years so maybe it was the 7 year itch. There is another side to this story though. I am just as guilty as he was. His best friend, and our neighbor, was always flirting with me. He had a girlfriend that I couldn’t stand. She was one of those girls that would go around braless trying to attract attention, problem was, she was butt ugly. So, when my ex wasn’t there to satisfy my needs, his best friend was. I probably should have felt guilty, but I didn’t because they weren’t married. If they had been, I would have never gone there. Anyway, that doesn’t make it right and I’m a big believer in karma, at the time though, it was something I needed. Our affair went on for a year, long after I left my husband. When I found the man I wanted to start a relationship with, I ended the affair. Statistics say a husband rarely leaves his wife for the mistress. In this case, I let her have him without even knowing about her. If things change drastically without a reason, Id do some research. Chances are you probably aren’t getting the full story. Listen to your gut. If I hadn’t been fooling around myself, I may have been more receptive to the signs the Universe was sending me.

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nurse_nan_c said...

I guess she didn't get this email huh....
If a man wants you
Category: Romance and Relationships

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

If he cheated with you, he'll cheat ON you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone SMILE, another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Lori said...

OMG...this list is awesome. Im going to use my favorite 13 for a TT this week. Thanks!! Love it!!