March 14, 2008

The Death of a Spouse

Divorce is one thing, you're not happy with the way things are so you do something about it. Death, on the other hand, is something completely different. How do you handle the lose of someone that you werent ready to lose? Dealing with children left behind from a divorce is a bit easier because they know that even though Mommy or Daddy is gone, they will see them again. When the other parent is gone forever, its harder to fill the hole in their heart especially if the death was unexpected. I would suggest dealing with both situations similar. Make sure that the child/children, first and foremost, know that they are loved by both parents. Be there for them to voice their hurt and feelings towards the situation and the complete change in their life. Understand that even though you are grieving for a person you loved very much, they have lost their parent. That puts it in a different category. As the voice of very recent experience, the death of a parent can be devestasting. Im 41 years old and found it hard to deal with, imagine being a child and going thru the same thing. Im not sure if there is anything you can really do to make the pain go away but if you let your child/children know that you are there for them, that will make all the difference in the world. They say that time heals all wounds, Im not sure if that is true, but it definitely makes the pain a little less intense. There are also support groups to help deal with these types of issues. Go online or look in your local phonebook for options. You need to know that you're not alone. There's nothing wrong with asking for help. After all, we are only human.


Motherhood for Dummies said...

I couldn't imagine what it would be like looking my husband or loosing one of my parents. So thankful that I have been lucky enough to never have had that happen. I have such a respect for anyone who has lost a spouce. To be able to keep it together and raise a family. They must be really strong

Elaine Williams said...

This is good advice. As a widow of four years, it's not something you ever get used to, but you develop coping strategies and you learn to move on and past the hurt. You have to, or you are living a half life, so to speak. With time there are adjustments, though I admit in the early years, it was a terribly stressful experience with three boys under 20.