Legal Seperation

Is legal separation really worth the hassle? A couple is legally separated only if the couple has successfully petitioned a court to recognize their separation, living apart does not constitute separation. It does not automatically lead to divorce, however it’s the first step. The couple can reconcile, in which case they need do nothing in order to remain married. If they do not reconcile, and wish to divorce after the statutory time period, they must then file for divorce. Who would want to go to court first for a separation and then again if you decide to divorce? That’s sounds like a bunch of legal fees that you can do without. I left without going to court BUT I did an “order to show cause” for support of my children. My ex was paying me on his own until he hooked up with the woman he is now divorcing. She lost custody of her children and told him that he should not pay me, so he didn’t. I took him to court and had a garnishment PDQ (pretty dam quick). I think if time apart is what you need, take some time to assess your situation. Don’t do anything drastic until you have thought it thru thoroughly and come to your own conclusion. If someone has advice, its OK to listen but its not their life, its yours. The court doesn’t need to be involved until or unless you are ready for the actual divorce. I think it’s a waste of money and it’s not something that's mandatory. If it makes you feel better to file then do it. Although, wouldnt you rather spend the money on retail therapy or maybe counseling? The courts will be hard enough if and when you actually decide its over. I dont need to pay them for a taste of freedom or a clear conscience. Any thoughts?

When one door closes......

Have you ever heard the phrase, "When one door closes, another one opens?" I don't mean in the literal sense, I'm talking about in relationships. I think its true. Each of us has a destiny. Things happen for a reason and in the order they are supposed to. You must have faith that whatever you need to know will be revealed to you in the right time, space, and sequence. The people that are in your life, or have been in your life, were/are there for a reason. Its to either teach you a lesson, help you to grow, or make you a better person for having known or experienced what you did with them. That's not always a good thing because we've all had our share of bad times. As you live day to day, its hard to imagine the people you are close to now not being there. This could be a romantic relationship, friendship, coworker, or parent. I try to see the good in things I have experienced and endured but its not always easy. Sometimes the message is crystal clear, other times its not. What doesnt kill you, makes you stronger even if it doesnt feel like it at the time. I think if we look at life as a journey rather than a destination, it makes the ride a little easier to take. Hard times always pass and good times don't last forever. What we go thru in our journey shapes us into the people we become. If you look at the bad things as events that needed to happen for a divine purpose, it may help you look forward to the future. There are people who take life with a grain of salt, myself, I tend to be a little more on the dramatic side. Its in my character. I think when life gets you down, you should remember that this too shall pass. Enjoy the good times and take lots of pictures, they may help you get thru the next trial you have to overcome. Words of wisdom??? Nope, just one girls take on life as we know it. If you always focus on the negative, you don't give the positive a chance to brighten your life. Am I sounding philosophical today?

Baby Borrowers

There is a new show on TV and I think its an awesome idea. The concept, teach children what its like to be a parent. Couples wanting kids (teenage couples) come on to this show and see how well they do at parenthood. Why didn't they come up with this idea sooner? Kids think that having babies is all fun and games. Babies are so cute and fun to cuddle, why not have one of your own? I took a class in Junior High that taught sex education. We had to carry an egg around and pretend it was a baby. The teacher would initial the egg so that we couldn't pass a new child off secondary to not paying attention and breaking the first one. That would be considered child abuse. It was a nice idea but not realistic enough to get the point across. Ive seen shows that had mechanical babies that cry, poop, and spit up, which was closer than an egg but nothing like the real thing. This type of program needs to be in every community.

On the show, some nights they are dealing with babies, then preteens, and at last teenagers. The kids they choose to play the children of the teens all have unique needs and personalities. The show on teenager vs teen parents was quite entertaining. Some of the kids really gave the couples a run for their money. One couple actually broke up during the show. This is a brilliant concept. If every child was mandated to take a course similar to this, I bet the pregnancy rate in teens would drop dramatically. It seems society is in a hurry for our kids to grow up. Look at their role models. We need to teach our kids that its OK to be young and not be in a hurry to grow up and have babies. They have their whole lives, why not enjoy being young? Once you become an adult and/or parent, there is no going back. If you haven't tuned in to this show, check your local listings. For those of us that are parents, you will really get a kick out of watching the teens deal with everyday situations. Watch it on NBC.

TT #73

13 thoughts by a very smart woman....can you guess who?

1. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. That's the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

For those of you who guessed me....Nope, guess again!!

Wordless Wednesday

Looking for a job

I hate to admit it, but the choice I made almost 6 months ago to switch jobs was a mistake. Now, I'm back on the job market again. Its so hard having to work in an environment where you are really unhappy. Looking for a job is a tedious task but one I am forced to do just to keep my sanity. As a single parent, you have to work. I only get $300 a month from child support, thanks to Supportkids, and that wont pay my bills. Everyday it takes everything I have just to go to work, and when the day is done, I'm so tired and stressed out I can hardly function. Why does it have to be this way? I was happy at my other job until they decided to change my hours and put a complete idiot in charge of our department. Its amazing how one person can mess with your whole life. You go from loving your job to finding another one.

I am a very organized person, that's how I function. At the place I work at now, Oh my God...its like nothing I have ever seen before. No task is ever completed. You have 10 things going at one time and you don't know whether you are coming or going. If the labor department came into this company and seen the way people are treated and what they are forced to endure secondary to a head strong manager, they would shut the place down and fine them up the wazoo. Everyone there complains on a daily basis about the working conditions. The Director they hired a few months ago quit without notice. I just want to find a wonderful job making decent money at someplace that I like to work. Better yet, I need to win the lotto!! I am going to be collecting a small inheritance in a month. Should I quit my job and take a few months to find another? What do you think? That doesn't sound like a responsible thing to do but I'm running out of mental capacity to deal with the bullshit. Any suggestions?

Rebound

Life on the rebound can be pretty tough. Not only for the person thats actually rebounding, but for their potential partner. Most people that venture into these types of relationships (well, the one night standee's) have no idea that the person they've met is on the rebound. They are looking for their sole mate and are unaware of the baggage you may be carrying around. Dont get me wrong, a night of sex with a complete stranger can be healing to some because its like putting a bandaide on a broken heart. On the flip side, it can also make you feel worse because you're no longer with the person you want to be with. At the end of the night, you're going home to an empty house and the memories are still there. Be honest. That way, everyone knows where they stand. Sex wont cure a broken heart but it may make you feel better. Does that seem shallow? I know many people have done it, myself included, so Im speaking as the voice of experience. Its a catch 22 though. Love is love. We cant choose who we fall in love with just like we have no control over the amount of time it takes to mend our hearts. Be careful. If you go from one person to the next, you never really give yourself time to heal. It can work out but it usually doesnt. I met my second husband the night I left my first. I wasnt looking and it ended up OK. We got married and had 2 wonderful children together. I think it was because I was in a different frame of mind. Although, we are now currently divorced but that was 7 years later. I think I was ready to move on...obviously. As a matter of fact, I wouldnt even consider my second husband to be a rebound even though the time frame says he was. Your heart is fragile. If you play with your emotions, you might end up worse than you were before you ventured into Rebound Land. Know yourself and except how you feel. What works for one doesnt necessarily work for all. Sometimes, mourning is the only real way to move on.

The last first day of school

I just took my son school clothes shopping for the last time. This year, he is finally a senior. I remember going school clothes shopping when I barely had the money to pay my bills, (most of the time the bills came second) and I was shopping for two. Its like a bitter sweet end to many years of struggles. This time, I didn't have to sweat the money. It felt good. I cant believe my baby is going to be in his last year of High School. If only I could tell him to savor every second, enjoy all the little things, and just have fun. I have already sent one son into the world and he appears to be doing pretty good. I'm a little more concerned about Brad. I think Ive done a good job of raising him but his character flaws are something I hope he can change as he turns into an adult. I am going to be teaching him alot more about independence in the coming year. That includes showing him how to wash his own clothes, how to put a roll of toilet paper on the holder, and where the empty cans go before they collect ants. Yes, I have told him over and over again but I am really going to stress it this time. He is going to learn that life isn't easy, nothing is free, and you get out of life what you put into it. His laziness needs to be modified to a more productive arena. I must say, I actually enjoyed our trip to the mall today. Not because I didn't need to carry a calculator around to tally up the totals, but because I got excited about him starting his senior year. He has never been one to shop, I usually did it for him and he never made a fuss. This time, he got to pick out what he wanted even though there was way too many black shirts with skulls!! I'm not sure what life has in store for him but I hope he enjoys this last taste of childhood. As we all know, its over way too soon. So here's to you Brad!! May your senior year be the best ever. This time next year, I'm going shopping for ME!!!!!!

TT #72

13 reasons why I cant wait for Fall

1. Im tired of this fricken heat.

2. I love the cool mornings that make it hard to get out of bed.

3. You get to break out your winter clothes.

4. The reruns are finally over.

5. Survivor, Lost, and Biggest Loser come back into my living room.

6. I know winter is just around the color.

7. Fall colors.

8. My son will be starting his last, first day of school.

9. Its great snuggling weather.

10. The holidays are just around the corner.

11. My water bill will go down.

12. My electric bill will go down.

13. My house rennovations should be underway by the time Fall is finally here. WOOHOO!!

Wordless Yum-Yum Wednesday

Sex addicts

What is a sex addict and how does it happen? I read that sex addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or via the Internet), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors. The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior. They feel out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The inability to manage their life can be seen in the consequences they suffer, which may be but arent limited to: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem, and depression.

Some experts say that as the desire increases, a pattern of behavior usually follows, which can lead to acting out. This can be acting out on their desires or becoming angry if confronted or questioned. It usually starts with flirting, searching the Internet for pornography, or going someplace that will give them a better opportunity, or rather, a better chance to feed their addiction. Many men turn to prostitutes to fulfill their addictions and then return home as if nothing happened. The spouse is oblivious to what they are doing, or you might want to say "Ignorance is bliss." Myself, I don't understand. I think we are all adults and as such, have the ability to make the right decisions. If you dont have the power to control your fidelity, you need to be single. Why take other people down with you or hurt someone that loves you? If you're not in a relationship, chances are, you wont feel guilty about what you do. Ive watched movies and heard rumors of such a thing, but I always dismissed it as ridiculous. However, when I read some of the posts from my fellow bloggers, it makes it more of a reality. I wonder what the statistics are on something like this? How many people divorce because of being married to a sex addict? I really wish I could educate people on this topic, but I don't know enough about it. Does anyone have any helpful advice to pass on about this type of situation? Is it more common in men than women? Could they be suffering from some sort of mental illness that makes them act out and its written off as being a sex addict? Does anyone have experience in this field or an opinion they would like to share?

KY commercials on TV

I don't know about the rest of you, but its pretty embarrassing to watch TV with your kids and have a KY lubricating jelly commcercial come on. Then, you have the job of explaining to your offspring's what it is and what its used for. HELLO...I believe in being honest with children but there is a time and a place. I don't want to be forced into the "birds and bees" conversation because of a silly commercial. I remember the days when they didn't even show bras on TV. Now, we show women parading around half naked, they talk about erectile dysfunction, and lets not forget lubricating jelly for when you can't get wet during sex. Why has advertising gone this far? Do we really need to see this stuff during a commercial break of our favorite show? If we were, in fact, having any of these issues or wanted to buy a pretty bra, wouldn't we know where to go and how to find it? They took cigarette commercials off the networks because non smokers were offended. Or am I wrong about that one? Was it because they didn't want to promote cigarette smoking? Anyway, why shouldn't stuff like this be band? Lets not forget the two different types of lubrication they offer...one for boys and the other for girls. I can just hear it now:

"Hey Mom, why do boys and girls need different types of lubrication"..."Well Jimmy, because it helps to enhance sex"......."So, where do you put it, what is sex, and why does it need to be hot and wet?" asks Jimmy. Now what?

Oh my, I don't want to have that conversation with any kid. They put the stuff out there and we are expected to explain it because it to our kids. It comes on at all times of the day. Some things should just be left unsaid. Am I overreacting?

Is fighting good for a relationship?

Im not sure about your thoughts on the matter but I believe that life isnt always supposed to be peaches and cream. I think people that say they are in the perfect relationship because they never fight are trying to pull your chain. Its human nature to argue. Some like to do it more than others, but in the end, everyone wants to be heard. Myself, I like peace more than drama. Im more prone to routine then spontaneity. Although, If I have a point to be made, or something makes me mad, you'll be the first one to know. I try to pace myself. Rather, think things thru before exercising my issue but it doesn't always work out that way. I use to have a very bad temper. I would fly off the handle, sometimes even becoming violent, when someone ruffled my feathers. I learned my lesson the hard way. My conclusion, that isn't always the best choice. However, analyzing a situation to death before confronting the other person isn't always the best option either.

People learn from their mistakes, or at least they are supposed to. If you do something that someone doesn't like, and that someone means alot to you, expect feedback. Unless, they just don't care. It which case, you might have something to worry about there too if you are romantically involved. When the input is gone, so is the spark. Ive only had one relationship that was in constant turmoil and I hated it. I was young though and followed my heart instead of my head. Heck, I still do that along with a million other people. Fighting can be therapeutic if its done the right way but both people have to not only hear, but listen, which can be the tricky part. If we are all so busy trying to get our point across that we are deaf to input, that can be very destructive to any relationship. Be it romantic, sibling, parental, or friendship. You have to be willing to give and take. As far as the romantic fights go, just think about the make up sex. The only problem, the mental bruises that are left by the harsh words spoken can last a long time. My advice, if you are going to say something to someone you love, and you know it will hurt their feelings, think twice before saying it. No matter how mad you are. Easier said than done, right? Sometimes silence is golden. Any feedback on this one? Do you disagree??? because I'm willing to listen.......