August 4, 2008

Sex addicts

What is a sex addict and how does it happen? I read that sex addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or via the Internet), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors. The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior. They feel out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The inability to manage their life can be seen in the consequences they suffer, which may be but arent limited to: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem, and depression.

Some experts say that as the desire increases, a pattern of behavior usually follows, which can lead to acting out. This can be acting out on their desires or becoming angry if confronted or questioned. It usually starts with flirting, searching the Internet for pornography, or going someplace that will give them a better opportunity, or rather, a better chance to feed their addiction. Many men turn to prostitutes to fulfill their addictions and then return home as if nothing happened. The spouse is oblivious to what they are doing, or you might want to say "Ignorance is bliss." Myself, I don't understand. I think we are all adults and as such, have the ability to make the right decisions. If you dont have the power to control your fidelity, you need to be single. Why take other people down with you or hurt someone that loves you? If you're not in a relationship, chances are, you wont feel guilty about what you do. Ive watched movies and heard rumors of such a thing, but I always dismissed it as ridiculous. However, when I read some of the posts from my fellow bloggers, it makes it more of a reality. I wonder what the statistics are on something like this? How many people divorce because of being married to a sex addict? I really wish I could educate people on this topic, but I don't know enough about it. Does anyone have any helpful advice to pass on about this type of situation? Is it more common in men than women? Could they be suffering from some sort of mental illness that makes them act out and its written off as being a sex addict? Does anyone have experience in this field or an opinion they would like to share?


Anonymous said...

I'm a sex worker (currently a pro domme, formerly an escort) and occassionally my clients admit to being sex addicts. I've written about it at this link One guy described his cycle similar to what you wrote here.

Debbie said...

We all do make choices but just as some people are more prone to being alcoholics or drug addicts due to their life experiences and personalities, some struggle with sexual addiction.
I suggest checking out
for information and resources. Some addictions are, on the surface, socially acceptable - exercise, food, work. I believe sexual addition is growing because there is initially, at least, a sense of being able to do it without getting caught. You don't have to go to the local drugstore and perhaps be embarrassed to check out with your magazine, or take a chance on someone seeing you go in to the X-rated section of the video store, or see your car at the local porn shop - it is all accessible from the privacy of your own home. But like with any addiction, it take more and more or variations to keep feeling the "high". That is when it will start costing you more than money -possibly your marriage and other relationships, possibly your job - and it is devastating to those who love and/or trust you.