February 2, 2008

Separation, when is it time to leave?

You’ve been fighting for weeks, months, even years. You keep hoping things are going to get better but they don’t. Your days are filled with anxiety about the fight you had the night before and you can’t seem to concentrate anymore. Nothing is right in your relationship and you have finally come to the determination that maybe its time to leave. How do you know if that’s the right choice? You start second guessing yourself and having doubts about being a single parent. The fear of leaving and the anxiety of staying are in constant battle with each other. That’s when its time to stop and take a deep cleansing breath. My mother’s answer to any problem, that you’re having a hard time making a decision, is to sit down and write a list of Pro’s and Con’s. What are the reasons to leave and why should you stay? My personal opinion is that, if you are miserable on a regular basis in your world, its time for a change. Being a single parent will never be easy, but being a parent in general is challenging too. As a mother, you take care of your family on a regular basis. When you live on your own, you do the same thing only you have more of a financial burden. If you have a spouse that is willing to help out until you figure things out, that’s great. However, 9 times out of 10, that isn’t the case. I suggest moving into a place you can afford. Pencil everything out and, if you need to, do an “Order to show Cause” and take your spouse to court for child support until things are resolved. It’s never an easy decision but being a martyr isn’t an option either. People change and grow apart, that’s just the way life is. Think about what’s best for you and stick by your decision. If a little space is all you need to clear your head and that helps you decide to stay, that’s great. I wouldn’t rent a place with a long lease if you feel there is a chance you may reconcile. Either way, you need to know that life isn’t supposed to be miserable. You only have one shot here on earth, make the most of it and be happy.

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