June 19, 2008
Making people happy
Ive noticed that I spend the majority of my time and life trying to make other people happy. I don't know if its because I'm caring or codependent. I never put my happiness first and cant remember the last time I did. I know alot of people out there would say a trait like this isn't a bad thing because it shows that I am loving and compassionate. Although, I often wonder why I do it. Is it a deep seeded need to be loved? Do I constantly bend over backwards to please people because I feel that I have to? Why cant I just take life day by day and stop worrying about what others think or what they need? It might be the mother in me. I don't remember being like this before I had my children. It may be the nurturing side of me coming out but I don't think it should be my responsibility to please everyone. Lets face it, you cant. When things are out of my control, it makes me feel bad because other people aren't happy. I would just once like to spend a day worrying about no one but myself. I want to do things that make me happy without fear or guilt. Maybe I don't think I deserve it. Hmmmmm, that sounds more like codependency than being a nurturing person. How do people get this way and what can I do to help myself? I want to feel deserving. Is this something a person should seek counseling for or do you except it as a character trait and spend the rest of your life trying to please everyone else? However, I know that making people happy makes me feel good. I like to give more then receive. Man, am I confused. I was just sitting here analyzing life as we know it and wondered this about myself. Any thoughts?