June 19, 2008

Making people happy

Ive noticed that I spend the majority of my time and life trying to make other people happy. I don't know if its because I'm caring or codependent. I never put my happiness first and cant remember the last time I did. I know alot of people out there would say a trait like this isn't a bad thing because it shows that I am loving and compassionate. Although, I often wonder why I do it. Is it a deep seeded need to be loved? Do I constantly bend over backwards to please people because I feel that I have to? Why cant I just take life day by day and stop worrying about what others think or what they need? It might be the mother in me. I don't remember being like this before I had my children. It may be the nurturing side of me coming out but I don't think it should be my responsibility to please everyone. Lets face it, you cant. When things are out of my control, it makes me feel bad because other people aren't happy. I would just once like to spend a day worrying about no one but myself. I want to do things that make me happy without fear or guilt. Maybe I don't think I deserve it. Hmmmmm, that sounds more like codependency than being a nurturing person. How do people get this way and what can I do to help myself? I want to feel deserving. Is this something a person should seek counseling for or do you except it as a character trait and spend the rest of your life trying to please everyone else? However, I know that making people happy makes me feel good. I like to give more then receive. Man, am I confused. I was just sitting here analyzing life as we know it and wondered this about myself. Any thoughts?


Chuck said...

I am a giver to the end as well. When I was 31, I finally got married and when the marriage failed I looked back on my life and the patterns that clung to me. I wanted to take care of people and ended up ruining my one hope of being a wife because all I cared about was helping him...along with everybody else prior to that which also left me financially unstable, etc. The bottom line is, there needs to be a balance. Give to others as you would have them give unto you and never give so much that you lose yourself.

That's all.

Thx for posting my typewriter on your sidebar. I'm honored and I do love you ~ We're sisters in the blogging world.

Chelle Y. said...

That's my biggest fault. I am a People Pleaser, so much that I would sacrifice myself to make them happy. I did that in my marriage, and it failed, because I let people run all over me sometimes.

I do not want to be selfish, but where is the balance.

garegare said...

Some people are so selfish that your entry is refreshing. Some people have kids without considering the consequences and suddenly feel like they don't have freedom anymore. This tv show Baby Borrowers shows these teens trying to care for infants and its crazy how frustrated and selfish they appear to be while tending to these helpless little ones... good thing these scenarios are only temporary. you're selflessness with be paid back to you in spades when you least expect it

Lori said...

Thank you for that...I do believe in karma and good things happening to good people but thanks for reminding me. It brightened my day:)

Ebony TyShell said...

I can so relate to this! Not only do I want to make everyone happy (even when I know it's impossible), but it's extremely hard for me to hurt anyone's feelings. Even when they're trying their best to hurt mine. It keeps me from being truthful at times when I really should be. I believe it's due to my need to please.