Wordless Wednesday

Boys vs. girls in China

China will have 30 million more men of marriageable age than women by 2020, making it difficult for them to find wives. The gender imbalance could lead to social instability. I don't get it. Ive heard the rumors about boys babies vs girls and I didn't believe it. Then I did the research and found that around 118 boys were born to every 100 girls in 2005. That was 3 years ago. What is it like today? Yikes. It seems that someone has made a terrible mistake. In wanting a society of boys to pass on the family name, they forgot one thing. The girls are the ones that have the babies. If you have nothing but boys, how do they think this will all work out? A traditional preference for boys, in a country with a one-child policy, is the root of the problem. Yes, I said policy. They MAKE you chose and lean on you to produce boys. Abortions are popular in that region if the mother is carrying a female. There may be a suspected under-reporting of female births, but because they are unreported, no one can be sure. The Lord made man and woman for a reason, so they can come together and procreate. You cant play God and expect things to turn out alright. Rumor has it that they have been doing this for years. Obviously, look at the ratios. The increasing difficulties men face finding wives may lead to social instability. The one-child policy that is currently in place has already led to other major problems and that's with many single children facing the prospect of supporting two parents and four grandparents well into their old age. Who was the one that came up with this bright idea? Whats wrong with girls? I think they need to educate these people on birth control and let well enough alone. No one should be forced to abort a baby. That just isnt how nature should take its course. I believe in choice, but according to these stats, the woman doesnt have one. Heaven help their future population if someone doesnt get a grip on the current situation. Any thoughts?

The preschool dilemma

When it comes to selecting a preschool, parents of 3 and 4 year old children face a dilemma. Do you go for the one that calls itself an “academic” preschool or do you enroll your child in the fun place? My kids are older but I listen to my coworker talk about her 6 year old and have seen the homework she brings home. Are we pushing our kids too soon? Since when does at 6 year old need to learn algebra? In first grade, we learned how to read and write but we had fun too. Why should we put our preschoolers in a place that is high in academics when they are going to be hit with that as soon as they start school? Do we really need our kids to grow up that quickly? The fact that my child has homework that I haven't been able to help him with since elementary school is a bit disturbing. Don't get me wrong, I want him to be the best he can be, but is it too much? Although, in looking at the long term effects, kids may do better in school if they start them younger. I just think its putting our kids on overload. Although, today's generation wont be able to get a decent job without a college degree. Its a catch 22 situation. They are requiring my son to pass Algebra 2 before they will let him graduate. Why? I don't know about you but I was never a genius in math and I have yet to use Algebra or Geometry in my everyday life. If a kid excels in the subject, awesome. Not all kids get it though, nor do the parents for that matter. I think we should let kids be kids for a while. Teaching them streets smarts and common sense should be more important than an accelerated math class. My suggestion, take your preschoolers with you to help you decide. See where they feel more comfortable. Any thoughts?

Does Marriage Counseling work?

Have you ever considered Marriage counseling? Instead of looking at divorce as a suitable solution, some couples might prefer to seek the services of a marriage counselor. Couples counseling is very popular these days. It is easy for anyone to fall in love but to stay in love may not be. When you neglect your marriage, it begins to deteriorate and can affect all aspects of your life. It is also a proven fact (or so I’ve heard) that when a marriage is healthy, the partners have longer lives, less illness, less stress, and children who are happy (well, that’s probably a given). It takes two though. Relationships are not one sided. You need to work on keeping you marriage healthy by keeping that spark. In counseling, it may help both people to understand better the various aspects of their relationship. I have heard that they usually counsel both people separate and then together. I myself have never ventured down this arena but often wondered that if I did, would I have been to divorce court twice. Although, I still don’t count my first marriage. We were too young and it only lasted 4 months. I don’t believe a person knows out of High School who they want to spend the rest of their life with. It might work for a few out there but that isn’t reality for most. People change as they mature and I don’t think marriage is something you should rush into. If you get married and then later feel that things aren’t working out, I would do what you could to make sure it really is irreconcilable before you consider a divorce. If counseling is an option that you both are willing to do, try it. Are there any success stories secondary to marriage counseling that someone would like to share? What about counseling before the marriage? Does that work?

Vitamin drinks...are they safe?

It appears that we have a new generation of kids that are hooked on energy drinks. One of the original products on the market is Monster. Is this really something that we want our children drinking? I personally cant stand the smell of them but in addition, they are not allowed in my house. I see young kids drinking this stuff like water. These types of drinks are filled with sugar and caffeine to the next level. I'm not sure if this is an alternative to stimulants (which Im sure alot people use them for), nor do I know if that makes it any better then street drugs, I only know that it disturbs me to see young kids down these one after the other. If a child is on medication, they may have a reaction. Case in point, Concerta for ADHD. Don't kids have enough energy as it is without adding a stimulate to the mix? If you read the literature out there, most people get enough of their vitamin intake in the foods we eat. They use the sales pitch that this stuff is good for you. Not anymore than Mountain Dew. If you're an adult and coffee just doesn't do it for you, then you are old enough to make your own decision. However, I would think twice before allowing your children to drink it. My thoughts on this stuff is......there should be an age limit. Read the labels. If you haven't had one before, try it and see how it makes you feel. Then, imagine yourself 100 pounds less...as a child. These types of drinks have not been around for long so we aren't even sure of the long term effects yet. Why take that chance, especially with the kids? Do some research on this stuff before you buy it. This is just an opinion from one concerned parent to another. What do you think? Do you let your kids drink it?

Expectations

I was talking to my oldest son tonight about his visit home. I usually get a little tense before his visits because he gave me so much trouble when he lived here. Its seems, every time he comes home, my youngest son ends up in trouble. The last visit, he got Bradley drunk and the time before that, he took him to an illegal street race and Brad ended up with a ticket. Steven is a socialite. He doesn't let the grass grow under his feet, but rather, hits the ground running. There are alot of friends around here that I don't approve of. However, my son is 20 TODAY (Happy Birthday Steven), he is in the military, and has lived on his own for 2 years. Anyway, as he is giving me his itinerary for his flight, he proceeds to inform me that his girlfriend will be taking leave at the same time too. She will be about a half and hour from our house. Great, I cant wait to meet her...I'm thinking to myself. Then, he proceeds to tell me he wants his GF to stay with us for a few days. That made me mad. Number one that he would ask knowing that my house will be full to capacity with him here, and Number 2...he sees this girl every day, I thought he was coming home to visit his family?! Am I being selfish? I took a whole week off to spend time with him. He then has the audacity to get mad at me for telling him no. The world has always revolved around him but he needs to know that's not always going to be the case. I don't know why he feels the need to throw a guilt trip on me and I'm not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions?

TT #71

13 things that creep me out

1. Finding a spider crawling up behind you when you didnt know it.

2. Birds. I dont like the fact that they can fly at you. Thank you Alfred Hitchcock.

3. Dirt underneath my finger nails. Well, anything for that matter.

4. People that eat things that are still alive.

5. Having the electricity go off during a storm.

6. Anything scratching a chalk board.

7. Crickets.

8. Potato bugs...have you seen the size of those things?

9. Cats in heat. Don't they sound like a child crying?

10. Snot, loogies, anything to do with boogers.

11. Albinos.

12. Looking over a ledge thats high off the ground. I just cant do it.

13. Perverted relatives.

Wordless "my DBF is so sweet" Wednesday

Contempt

My ex husband has lived in Tennessee for quite a long time. He fled the state to chase his wife and hasn't been back. He left behind two very hurt and confused boys, not to mention, over $40,000 in back child support. Since then, I have come to terms with life and did what I had to for survival. Recently, he came back into town secondary to family issues and his father passing away. When he is out of the state, I'm not really fazed by him because I no longer think about the things he has done to my children. We have been divorced a long time and the kids are almost grown. However, Ive noticed that with him being back in the states, my feeling of contempt for him are just below the surface. I have never met anyone that feels as sorry for Kevin as he does for himself. He is always hosting a pity party and wants everyone to attend. I say bullshit to that. He took the easy way out, and while doing so, left me without child support and having to explain to two very small children where there father went. I don't understand how someone can father two children and then not have the decency to be a Dad. I have been receiving child support for the past 6 years but that wasn't from his giving it up willingly. I had to fight for it and in the meantime, ended up getting screwed by Supportkids just so that I could have money to raise my children. The thing I don't get, he was adopted. You would think that someone who has no blood relatives to speak of would go above and beyond to love and care for his offspring's. Nope, not in his case. My oldest has formed a relationship with him. I think he has forgiven him to a point but he has not forgotten anything. My youngest still isn't quite sure what to do or think and that upsets me. They shouldn't have to deal with emotions like that. Anyway, the anger is at the surface now because of the contempt I feel for him and the only thing I could think to do was write about it. That should make me feel better, right?

Cell phones with cameras

Dear fellow bloggers,

I have recently come to the conclusion that cellphones with cameras might be easy access for boyfriends with a sense of humor. As you know, DBF Michael and I moved in together almost 2 months ago. I work days and he works nights so the only time we have together is on the weekends. Although, we do sleep together every night. While visiting some of his relatives a couple weeks back, he shared a photo he had taken of me while I was sleeping (no, he didn't show his family but he chose a family gathering to reveal what he had been up to). He pulled back the covers while I was sleeping and took a picture of my butt. Ladies...do you have this same problem with your man? Now, I find myself waking up constantly thru the night waiting to catch him in the act. This kind of behavior deserves a payback but I'm not quite sure what to do. Any suggestions? He sent another pic of me today to my cell phone that I was unaware he had taken. So it wasn't just a one time thing. It brings him great joy to embarrass the heck out of me and it seems he keeps taking pictures of the same thing. I don't get it. That is like taking advantage of someone when they are the most vulnerable and the least attractive. What do they call those people?? Video voyeurs? I'm not sure if he falls into that category or if it is considered the same thing when you're in love with the person doing it, but its along the same line. Does he do it because he likes looking at my butt or does he just like to tease me? I have yet to get a straight answer but I'm curious if anyone out there has a suggestion as to how I should handle this?? Its not like taking nude pic's of each other while you are feeling adventurous...this is on a whole different level. All I get from him is innocent puppy dog eyes with a giggle and smirk. Maybe I should go to bed fully clothed. Do you think that would work?

Signed,

Sleepless in Yucaipa

Should you go?

I just learned that my ex husbands father passed away. He was my father-in-law for 7 years and Ive known him for 20, yet I have no desire to go and pay my last respects. Its not that I disliked the man. He was a great guy. However, while I was raising my kids, and his son was failing to pay me child support, he took HIS side. I guess that's what you are supposed to do with your children, even if they are in the wrong. I just cant get past it. Every time he and his wife would come to visit the boys, I always got a sob story about how much money Kevin didn't have and how the DA was making HIS (my ex's) life miserable. HELLO...what about OUR kids? I can remember one thing in particular that left a knot in my stomach. My ex in-laws took my kids for the weekend. While they had them, my oldest sons shoe broke (Well, ripped is a more appropriate term). Instead of paying 10 dollars and getting him a pair of shoes from payless, they duct taped it and sent him home that way. In their minds, not only is their son in dire straits because he has to pay child support (poor, poor Kevin) but they arent going to dish out a dime to buy their oldest grandson new shoes just to spite me, even though they knew I wasnt getting money from him because he was unemployed at the time. My mother would NEVER have done that. I don't feel sorrow for the man that just passed away. As a matter of fact, I don't really feel anything. I know that he was my children's last grandfather, and I want them to pay their respects, but I don't thinks it my job to make sure he gets to the funeral. Steven, my oldest, is in the military so he wont be able to make it. I just think it should be my ex husbands responsibility to find a way to take my youngest son. I know he doesn't live here and when he flies in, he wont have a car or money (what else is new), but for once he needs to be the one to figure it out. Am I right? I cant afford to take a day off work to attend the funeral. What is the protocol for something like this? Am I supposed to attend out of respect for my kids?

TT #70

13 things that are going thru my mind right now.

1. Is my job going to get better? Its really stressing me out.

2. Why cant I be a stay at home Mom? Even though my son is almost 17 and I cant afford it...that shouldnt matter, should it?

3. Is it Friday yet?

4. I cant wait until the stuff with my fathers estate is settled.

5. I need central air. Swamp coolers suck.

6. Am I the only one that does things around here? Sometimes it feels like it.

7. I hope my son passes his second semester of summer school. What if he doesnt?

8. What bills need to be paid this week?

9. I need a vacation.

10. I totally have writers block this week. I hope it passes.

11. Where do the ants come from and what in the heck are they after in the bathroom? on my night stand? on the kitchen table? **heavy sigh**

12. How am I going to survive the next 2 weeks at work?

13. God I hate doing laundry. It never ends!!! Every day, day after day...

Wordless Wednesday

The "R" word

I know the US government is refusing to say it but I believe we are currently in a recession. The dictionary describes recession as a period shorter than the actual depression, during which there is a decline in economic trade and prosperity. When I pick up the newspaper and see all the people that are losing their homes, it hurts my heart. Then, you add the price of gas and food on top of everything else and it makes it a reality. We spend trillions on foreign aide when our people at home are struggling to survive. What’s wrong with this picture? Is it because they live in fancy houses and don't pay taxes that our government is turning a blind eye to the problems we are having here? As a single parent, how are you supposed to support your kids when you can’t afford the gas to get to work or the money it costs to buy groceries? Don't get me wrong, I'm doing fine, it’s just the others that I am worried about. If you can’t afford the necessities, life can be pretty tough. I think if you look at your monthly budget and access where your funds go, you might be able to cut some corners here and there. Many of us are use to doing that. I just don't know how long we can be expected to live under these circumstances. The price of everything is going up but the wages aren't. Why do the tax payers end up paying for everything and we don't get rewarded for our suffering? Instead, we just have to keep digging into our pockets deeper and deeper until something finally gives. It isn't fair. Something needs to be done to change the system and it needs to be done quickly. Not to mention, what about the older people on fixed incomes? How can they survive? Not pay for their meds?? Turn off the cooler on a 100 plus day? Skip meals? Our country is in sad shape. I hope and pray that something good happens soon because Id hate to see where this whole thing is going. We have been punished long enough. Recession isn't a possibility, it’s a reality, and we're living it right now. Any body beg to differ on that one? Better yet, any suggestions for people who are really having a tough time right now?

Life as "We"

When you're single, you see everything as "I". I can go shopping, I can go bar hoping with my friends, I can go to the beach whenever I choose, I can do anything I want. When you become a couple, you are now known as "we". Sure "we" can come to dinner, "we'd" be glad to help you move, I'm not sure, let me ask my man and "we" will get back to you, "we" are buying a new house...blah blah blah, you get the point. Its a whole other mind set. People that have lived in the "I" world for a long time may have a harder time living in the "we" world. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. When you're single, you can come and go as want. You don't have to worry about what your counterpart thinks because there isn't one. You rule your own life and do things that make only YOU happy. On the flip side, the nice thing about being a couple is you don't get lonely. Someone is there to comfort and take care of you, you don't have to go to the show alone, you don't have to worry about eating in a restaurant alone, and if you want someones opinion, you've got it. Ive done them both, as most everyone has, and I prefer to be in a relationship. Of course, that's with the right person. All of the above is null and void if you're with a jerk. Sometimes life as "I" can be refreshing after a long battle as "we". Its funny though, have you noticed that the friends you have as "we" are no longer around when you become an "I"? Divorce and break ups not only split the house, incomes, kids, and furniture...it also effects your social life. Oh well, who wants to hang out with a bunch of married people when you're single anyway, right? To me, life is like a beach...you just have to roll with the waves. You cant plan your destiny, life has already done that for you. All you can do is enjoy the ride. Am I right?

Wedding rings and divorce

Ive noticed a number of people still wearing their wedding ring while going thru a divorce. Why? If you have come to the conclusion that this is the end, you are in the proceedings to make it final, why wear a symbol of the unity? I know divorce is hard on most people. Some more than others. To me, the ring symbolizes a marriage two people share until death do you part. When that isn't a reality, then the ring needs to be put away. This is especially important if you plan on dating any time soon. I don't know about other women but the ring finger is the first place I look before talking to a guy. True, alot of men don't wear rings, but if I see one, that means this pursuit isn't going anywhere. Even if the guy was coming on to me, I still wouldn't do something like that. It's all about morals. Maybe its a closure thing. The person that didn't ask for the divorce might have a harder time taking the ring off. I guess to dictate what the rules of the game are is stupid because the game is different for everyone. What works for one cant work for us all. Although, I strongly suggest that if you are going thru a divorce and you're ready to put yourself out there, leave the ring at home. Better yet, wait until your divorce is final. Not only does wearing a wedding ring while your going thru a divorce show you're not ready, you wont even be a consideration by most singles. One of my fellow bloggers did a video blog about being ready to date. The first thing I noticed was the ring on his finger. I told him, before he puts himself out there, he needs to ditch the ring. He was a bit surprised that I noticed but stated that he wouldn't take it off until the divorce was final. That's fine. Then you're not ready to date yet. You cant open one door until you close another. Its not fair to your future prospects nor to you. Give yourself the time you need to heal, put the ring away. If it brings you comfort then keep it someplace safe but take it off your finger. It no longer represents what it originally did. Close the door and move on. Am I being too harsh?

TT #69

13 tips to being a good parent

1. Identify - There are times when a kid wants their parent to identify with them. For example, admit to making some of the same dumb mistakes. We are all human.

2. Be Patient - I know this is tough but definitely necessary.

3. Know your child's abilities - Dont push them unless you are sure they can accomplish the task. This can breed low self esteem if they can't live up to your expectations.

4. Try not to compare them to other children - It seems that one child always excels quicker than the other. Point out each childs good traits and skills, not the bad.

5. Listen - When a your child talks to you, look them in the eye so they know all your attention is on them.

6. Be their friend but be a parent - Its ok to cut up and be cool but they need to know you have rules and that you are the one in charge.

7. Children learn what they live - Do I need to explain this one?

8. Leave work at the office - I know as a single mother, Im really tired when I get home. It was hard to deal with the trials of two kids, especially when they were little. I suggest taking a deep cleansing breath, go to your room to change your clothes and defuse, then give your children the attention they need. Its amazing how 10 minutes of silence before dealing with issues can help the situation.

9. Be aware - know who they are hanging out with and what they are doing.

10. Do things as a family - even if its just sitting down to dinner each night. It gives them a sense of stability.

11. You're only human - let your kids know that. Parents arent perfect, we do make mistakes.

12. Show them love - let your love for them never be a doubt in their mind.

13. Enjoy your kids - they are different people was unique personalities. See them as children AND people.

Wordless Wednesday

Coming to visit...Life as a Military Mom

I just got a call from my oldest son. He is in the Navy and is planning to visit at the end of August. It will be his last stop before going to Iraq. I cant imagine what my life will be like once he actually goes. I haven't seen him since Christmas so I am really looking forward to the visit. Even though my food bill will rise, my laundry will increase quite a bit, and life will revolve around him for 2 weeks, it still doesn't change the fact that he is my son and I love and miss him very much. This will be his first time home to a room that is no longer his. I cleaned it out a month ago. He has been gone for 2 1/2 years so I figured it was about time. DBF Michael and I are now living together so it will be an interesting change for Steven. Although, he adapts so well to whatever life throws at him. If I am happy, that makes him happy too. Not only am I his mother, we are also friends. When we chat on the phone, its hard for me to believe I use to change his diapers. I'm hoping life wont be interrupted too much (as there are 3 other people in this house) but if we are going to be a family, there is no time like the present to find out how we cohabitate as a unit. I cant believe they are sending him over seas. We have talked about it for months but somehow I thought this stupid war would be over by now. I'm not going to put a damper on the visit, however, this goodbye will be a little tougher than the past. I just hope and pray that the good Lord watches over my boy and brings him back safe...just in time for his 21st birthday. It sure is tough being a military Mom sometimes. Please keep him in your prayers.

Cadillac Margarita....mmmmmmm GOOD!

Cadillac Margarita

1 1/2 oz. Gold Tequila
1/2 oz. Cointreau
1/2 oz. Grand Marnier
1 oz. Lime Juice
Bar Salt

Garnish - Lime Squeeze

Rim a margarita or highball glass with lime and coat with salt. Next, fill the glass with ice and set aside. In a shaker with ice combine Tequila, Cointreau, & Lime Juice. Shake well a strain into the glass. Float the Grand Marnier on top, and squeeze the lime and drop it in.

Empty nest syndrome?

We started cleaning out my oldest son’s room. He has been gone for over 2 years, and up until now, I just left the door shut. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t want to deal with the mess or if I didn’t want to put closure to my son moving out. Having his door shut made it easier in more ways than one. I must say, I’ve had a lot of mixed emotions. I wouldn’t say empty nest because I still have one bird left at home. Going thru his stuff and putting things in boxes to keep and boxes for a garage sale made me a little misty though. I was in there last night by myself and it’s hard to believe a lifetime of memories can fit into very few boxes. As I flipped thru the old year books, drawings, football awards, and Navy certificate, it gave me some satisfaction knowing that my son had a pretty good childhood and he has turned into a wonderful Man. I didn’t do too badly as a single mother. I see this as the closing of one door and opening of another. I’m almost done raising my kids. It seems like its here and gone in the blink of an eye. I have no regrets. As we begin renovations on my house, I am sure I will have to part with a lot of things that will close doors to different parts of my life. People change, circumstances change, and life goes on. I’m excited about my future and the renovations about to take place. However, I will never lose track of my past and all of my wonderful memories. Now, on to faze 2 in my life. Yep, it’s all going to be about me for a change. The great thing is, Im 41 and still young enough to enjoy it. I cant wait!

Holidays

I know most people going thru a divorce or break up get melancholy when the holidays roll around. What if a certain holiday brings back nothing but bad memories? Ive had this problem with the 4th of July. I was in a relationships 6 years ago that lasted 8 years. It seemed that every time the 4th of July came around, something would happen and we would end up fighting. Now, even though that is in the past, I feel dread with this particular holiday. I feel almost apprehensive like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have tried to put these memories in the past where they belong but subconsciously, I have a hard time altering my mental state. I'm the first one to say that you are only a victim if you let yourself be. Would this fall into that category? Am I letting a bad relationship from my past dictate my future? I'm sure its like this for many people. When bad things happen around a particular day, you're haunted for years it seems. It doesn't have to be a break up or a fight, it can be a death. My father died the day before Valentines this year. Will it ever be the same again? Can I push those bad feelings aside and try to make new memories? I don't know. I think, pertaining to the 4th, I had so many fights and breaks ups on that day, it may take 6 more years to over come it. I hate that I cant control the way I feel about it. It doesn't seem fair to the person in my life now. This is actually one of his favorite holidays. Maybe, if we have enough good times now and in our future, those bad feelings will eventually become a thing of the past. I'm hoping so. Until then...fireworks just aren't my thing. Any suggestions as to how I can get past this? Is there hope for me?

TT #68

13 things every single parent should know.

1. This too shall pass.

2. What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.

3. Children live what they learn so chose your partner wisely.

4. Yes, teenagers really can eat that much.

5. No, the Visine isn't for allergies and they aren't holding it for a friend.

6. Ask questions if you want to know whats going on with your child.

7. Believe your gut instinct.

8. If your teen tell's you they are going someplace, have them call from a land line so you can check the number on caller ID.

9. Not all men are jerks.

10. If you don't like the first date, move on. Don't bother with a second. It doesn't get better.

11. Its OK to cry.

12. Be honest with your kids. If you cant afford it, tell them.

13. Some day you will look back at your trials and smile because you survived.

Wordless Wednesday