July 21, 2008

Contempt

My ex husband has lived in Tennessee for quite a long time. He fled the state to chase his wife and hasn't been back. He left behind two very hurt and confused boys, not to mention, over $40,000 in back child support. Since then, I have come to terms with life and did what I had to for survival. Recently, he came back into town secondary to family issues and his father passing away. When he is out of the state, I'm not really fazed by him because I no longer think about the things he has done to my children. We have been divorced a long time and the kids are almost grown. However, Ive noticed that with him being back in the states, my feeling of contempt for him are just below the surface. I have never met anyone that feels as sorry for Kevin as he does for himself. He is always hosting a pity party and wants everyone to attend. I say bullshit to that. He took the easy way out, and while doing so, left me without child support and having to explain to two very small children where there father went. I don't understand how someone can father two children and then not have the decency to be a Dad. I have been receiving child support for the past 6 years but that wasn't from his giving it up willingly. I had to fight for it and in the meantime, ended up getting screwed by Supportkids just so that I could have money to raise my children. The thing I don't get, he was adopted. You would think that someone who has no blood relatives to speak of would go above and beyond to love and care for his offspring's. Nope, not in his case. My oldest has formed a relationship with him. I think he has forgiven him to a point but he has not forgotten anything. My youngest still isn't quite sure what to do or think and that upsets me. They shouldn't have to deal with emotions like that. Anyway, the anger is at the surface now because of the contempt I feel for him and the only thing I could think to do was write about it. That should make me feel better, right?

4 comments:

Chelle Y. said...

Agree with you, my friend.

Crazy Working Mom said...

Well, I can relate from your children's point of view. My dad did us the same way. My mom never got any child support from him. He put the blame on her as to why he didn't see us. She wouldn't let him. But, as I got older I realized that he was lying. He moved back to this state to be a part of my life (and my sister) as well as our children. He still doesn't come around. I always invite him. He says he will come, but he never shows. It's just one disappointment after another. It's very sad. I can't imagine doing my children that way. :(

Debbie said...

I've been there and truly understand your sentiments. However, your anger and contempt really is hurting you, not him. Try to think how sad it is that he will never have the relationship or history with your kids that you do and how much he missed by choosing not to be there. I still tend to get angry with the ex when he STILL lets our adult kids down but most of the time I just think how pathetic he is. The kids and I have discovered that you just have to have absolutely NO expectations and then you'll be less disappointed and/or angry.

The good news - both of mine have learned to deal with their dad on their own terms and both are happily married and thriving.

Lori said...

You know...I dont really think about it when he is home in another state. Its when he is here that I get angry. He's been here for almost a week and hasnt come to see his son. That makes me sick. However, you are right. The kids come to their own conclusion. Once he's gone...its back to life as usual:)