July 4, 2008


I know most people going thru a divorce or break up get melancholy when the holidays roll around. What if a certain holiday brings back nothing but bad memories? Ive had this problem with the 4th of July. I was in a relationships 6 years ago that lasted 8 years. It seemed that every time the 4th of July came around, something would happen and we would end up fighting. Now, even though that is in the past, I feel dread with this particular holiday. I feel almost apprehensive like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have tried to put these memories in the past where they belong but subconsciously, I have a hard time altering my mental state. I'm the first one to say that you are only a victim if you let yourself be. Would this fall into that category? Am I letting a bad relationship from my past dictate my future? I'm sure its like this for many people. When bad things happen around a particular day, you're haunted for years it seems. It doesn't have to be a break up or a fight, it can be a death. My father died the day before Valentines this year. Will it ever be the same again? Can I push those bad feelings aside and try to make new memories? I don't know. I think, pertaining to the 4th, I had so many fights and breaks ups on that day, it may take 6 more years to over come it. I hate that I cant control the way I feel about it. It doesn't seem fair to the person in my life now. This is actually one of his favorite holidays. Maybe, if we have enough good times now and in our future, those bad feelings will eventually become a thing of the past. I'm hoping so. Until then...fireworks just aren't my thing. Any suggestions as to how I can get past this? Is there hope for me?

1 comment:

Crazy Working Mom said...

I hope you have a good weekend, my friend!

Chin up. ;)