Don’t put your kids in the middle of your divorce

Divorce is hard enough to deal with on your own but think about how it is for the kids. There are a few things I have learned along the way that I wanted to share. I believe that you should never talk hatefully about the other parent. I know this can be extremely hard. There was a point in time that I absolutely hated my ex husband (like when he left the state without telling his kids and didn’t talk to them for a year or the fact that I didn’t get child support for 8 years). However, if you constantly badmouth the other parent, it may encourage the child's support for them and increase your child's contempt for the things you say. In the end, it can earn disrespect for you. Attempting to get your child to take your side puts them in the painful middle. This can cause him/her/them to fight your attempts and encourage them to take your "ex's" side. Also, fighting with your "ex" in front of your child can cause the pain to deepen and it fuels your child's anger that they are already experiencing because of the situation. It can also increase insecurity and loneliness. Try seeing things from their viewpoint. Hold your tongue in front of your child and work on building your own character. Remember, half of your child's genes come from your former partner. Building character needs a balanced approach. Let go of talking hatefully or putting your child in the middle. Don’t fight in front of them no matter how bad you want to pick up a shoe (among other things) and throw it at your ex. You'll earn your child's respect and trust, which teaches them about being a responsible adult. I came to a point of realization that Kevin (my ex) was digging his own grave with my children. I didn’t have to say anything because actions speak louder than words. My kids are grown now. My oldest has chosen to have a relationship with his father and my youngest wont give him the time of day. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that it was their decision. I forced nothing on them. Kevin hurts now because of the things he did but you cant ever regain what he has lost. I told him he would never be able to take what he did back and the fact that he wasn’t there for my boys while they were growing up. Im just thankful that I got to enjoy my children and that they will always remember their Mom was there for them thru the good and the bad. You just need to make sure your conscience is clean. Karma has a way of dealing with life in general. As long as you did the right thing, everything will work out the way it should.