October 23, 2008

Liars...how do they live with themselves?

If there is one thing that I cant stand, its a liar. Politicians lie to get your vote, companies lie about credit loans (or forget to tell you about hidden charges) to get your business, children lie to get their way or so they dont get in trouble, and lets not forget the person you love and trust the most, your partner. The reasons vary. They don't like confrontation, they don't want to get in trouble, they are selfish pigs and dont think about the repercussions of their actions. Why? And is it worth it? Do they think so little of the person they love that they're willing to risk it all? To me, it takes a real man or woman to stand up and tell the truth. Especially in circumstances where they know it may end their relationship, but do it anyway. We live in a world of selfish people. They do what they want to do no matter how much it may hurt the other person. However, if they don't get caught....then it makes it even easier the next time.

Ive always valued honesty. Some people say I'm brutally honest. If you ask me a question, I will answer it. Beware, it may not be what you want to hear. I wasn't always that way. As a teen, I did my fair share of telling "little white lies" to get what I wanted or to get out of trouble, but I grew out of that. My logic, it takes more energy to pull a lie off than it is to keep it going. My son was a master of this game. He could look at me straight in the eyes and lie thru his teeth without even a flutter. How do you get to that point? If you catch someone in a lie, how do you trust them again? "Honey, I'm sorry I cheated...it wont happen again?" REEEEEALLY?? And how do you know it wont happen again or if this is even the first time? I broke off an engagement because of lies. I refuse to go thru life questioning everything someone tells me. With the elections coming near, it triggered my feelings of dishonesty. I'm tired of hearing empty promises. Then, I thought about my past and what Ive gone thru. Yep, there is definitely an open wound here. The bottom line, if you are so self centered that all you think about is yourself and will lie to save your ass, don't let the door hit you in that same location as you're walking out of it. Comments?


Debbie said...

I'm with you on this one and I absolutely LOVE the way you ended it!!

Lori said...

I had a really good response to this post on divorce360 that I wanted to share. Mary wrote:

You said something in your post about "children" and "lied as a teenager"...

That's just it. There are certain levels of moral capacities that humans go through...I think there are 4. I remember learning about it in Psych classes in college. As we mature (mentally), we go through certain stages of moral capacity, the last of which being the stage where we don't lie/cheat/steal/kill because we know it's just wrong, and although we may not know exactly how it feels, as adults we are supposed to know that those actions cause other people pain, and therefore it's just morally wrong. But you'd be surprised how many people don't ever reach that level; many times the only thing that bars a person from lying/cheating/stealing is the fact that it's legally wrong and they fear getting caught and getting in trouble, which is something we learn as small children. So, many people don't develop much past the moral capacity of a child...interesting, huh?

I agree...lying is childish. I told my fair share of "white lies" in high school. I never was a very good liar, either. My mom always saw through me.

Lori said...

Another reader from Divorce360 wrote:

Hi, Lori,
I want to comment on your words because I'm just like you - brutally honest. I want to tell you first, hand in there - you're absolutely doing the right thing, even though the rest of the world does not value your questioning.
You know, Judge Judy says if something doesn't sound reasonable it's probably not true. I tell people to be direct with me, but be reasonable, and they'll get my respect. I think people lie because a) they're ignorant about how NOT to lie b) everyone else lies, so it's a demonstration effect and c) people feel uncomfortable about saying no.
Dealing with people that lie, it's very difficult to stay "centered" because they give you their reasons they're lying and then they'll act like they didn't know, they'll say "we're extremely well-qualified (therefore we can lie)," or they simply do not provide what you need to get at the truth.
Your job is to stay above this and recognize those arguments. You pick your battles, and win the ones you can, with diplomacy and tact. You may be an outsider, but you have a reasoned idea of what the truth is.
It is particularly easy to lie when they eyes are involved, by the way. You know that little moving graph on the bottom part of your TV when you were watching the debates on CNN? That was supposed to represent "the real-time reactions of a focused group of undecided voters." LIES! And the real damage was that regardless your political stance, your emotion rose and fell with that stupid graph.
Keep the chin up! Hey, you live in CA!

Pat Cardiff
Washington, DC

Lori said...

I know alot of you dont get over to that site so I wanted to share their feedback as well. Thanks for the input.