November 1, 2007

The Trust Factor

Trust is a hard thing to give and very easy to take away. People that think trust should just be given (teenagers are guilty of this but I am focusing on relationships) have not had the experience or have had very few experiences of trust being broken. When men ask women to simply “trust” them, it’s not that we can’t, we are just more vulnerable than men. If you want a woman to trust you, she needs something that will help develop that trust. Perhaps even a tool or gesture that she can “count on” until that trust with you is established. Thankfully this already exists and is known by every woman. What cultivates trust in a woman is a man who consistently keeps his word. Making a promise is meaningless if there is no follow through. Unfortunately, some women trust men too quickly and are stunned when their trust is broken. A woman needs to see her man fulfill his promises not just hear his pledge. Seeing is always more powerful than hearing. Over time what you see will replace most, if not all, of your concerns about their character. And to the men I say, when the woman you love sees your words lining up with your actions, trust will naturally follow. When you don’t keep your word it causes your wife/girlfriend to become fearful. From her perspective, she has entrusted you with her heart and she wants to trust you. She simply needs your help in giving you what you want. It really isn’t that complicated. Why do people make promises they cant keep?? Is it because they want to actually accomplish what they said they would or is it to temporarily fool the person they are with? Why do women believe men that have terrible track records? I think its because women are born romantics. They want to believe in the knight in shining armor theory. Who is more apt to lie, men or women?? Well, I guess we are both guilty of that. People in general should really think twice before you decide to lie to your significant other. Not only does that break the trust, it doesn’t show much for your character either. Wouldn’t it be easier to step up and tell the truth than to spin a web of lies that may later come back to bite you?? I guess that’s a question only the guilty can answer. The bottom line, trust is earned not given. If you are with someone you don’t trust, maybe you should reconsider your choice. We have the power to control our own destiny. We just have to use it.

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Chelle Y. said...

It's hard to trust when you have been hurt so badly in the past. Maybe, I'll be able to trust a man again someday! :)

This was a great post!

katherine. said...

as always you make excellent points...if people thought about what the outcome would be when they get caught breaking the trust...they might behave differently.

Laura said...

After 17 years, I am once again trusting a man who broke my heart BIG TIME! We've forgiven each other for our respective trespasses and are moving forward as friends. But, yes, it is hard when someone breaks your trust, especially if you give it freely, and as easily, as I do. *HUGS*