January 17, 2009

Ever get tired of being the responsible one?

You're the one the makes everything alright. You have to, you're the Mom. Do you ever get tired of being the responsible one? When I left my ex husband, my kids were 1 and 4. I knew it was going to be a struggle but it was something that had to be done. I packed my kids up, took my belongings, and left my husband while only making 9.50 an hour. In the beginning, he gave money willingly. In the end, I had to fight for it. Almost 10 years went by without a steady child support check and my inner strength grew stronger. I was there thru the colds, fevers, stitches, and broken bones. I made sure the boogie man was gone before bed, changed sheets in the middle of the night when my oldest couldn't stop wetting the bed. I fought the school system when they said my youngest had problems. He did, its called ADHD. That didn't make him retarded, it made him a challenge. Into the teenage years, I was the one that waited up night after night for a teen who chose to be rebellious at the age of 15. I dealt with the drugs, alcohol, ditching school, running away, and problems with the law. I have always been the responsible one because I chose to have these children. It was a decision we made as a couple and he skipped out on his half of the deal. It happens. Life goes on.

My ex husbands excuse for not being there when my boys needed him was that he had a drug problem. The kids still needed to eat, its a good thing I wasnt filled with excuses. It wasn't his fault he couldn't hold down a job, it wasn't his fault he left the state and didn't have contact with the boys for over a year. It wasn't his fault he owed over $50,000 in back child support, nor was it his fault he chose a woman over his kids. Who's fault was it then? For so many years I battled the anger I had inside towards him. Then I reached a point in my life that it just didn't matter anymore. Sure, I got tired of always having to deal with things on my own but it made me stronger. If I had it to do over again would I change anything? Not much. Would I want to have been the irresponsible one and lived free without guilt? No way. Times have changed and the boys have grown up. My ex now lives in a world of regret that he can never change. I guess mothers are put in their role for a reason. To love and protect our children. Do we miss out on life because we are at home raising kids as single parents? Absolutely not. When I look at my kids now, I have so much pride in the job that I did, I wouldn't have it any other way. No need to worry boys, Mama's got your back!


1 comment:

Crazy Working Mom said...

They're cuties, Lori! :)