August 6, 2007

Pregnant and Single, it happens...

Being pregnant and single means going through all the struggles of pregnancy alone. Some are minor, like not having anyone to rub your back or fix a midnight cup of tea. Others are more complex, like waiting for the results of your amniocentesis. Most mothers feel the same way and that is that it would have been nice to have a partner to share those feelings with. However, we all know, it doesn’t always end up that way. Many single moms have the added pressure of financial problems. After all, babies are very expensive, and it’s harder on one income than two. You can seek government assistance during you pregnancy if your unemployed but you will end up standing in lines to sign up for Medical and WIC as an “unwed, unemployed pregnant woman” for what can seem like an eternity. That can be very humiliating. I remember when I lost my job 5 years ago because the place I worked for was bought out from an out of state company. I made too much on unemployment (never mind the bills I had going out) to qualify for financial aide but I did qualify for health insurance (Medi-cal) for my kids. I cried the whole drive to the Welfare office, while standing in line, and the drive home. I felt like a failure. Fortunately, I was only unemployed a short time (8 weeks) but its very hard to try and access your next move when you don’t have emotional or financial support. While more and more women are choosing to have babies on their own, a large majority of single moms were in relationships when they became pregnant. In addition to the normal adjustments of pregnancy, they are coping with a breakup. And even for a woman who chose donor insemination and knew she would face pregnancy alone, society’s focus on couples during this time can lead to loneliness. It’s important to fight these feelings. Women who can count on other strong sources of support, such as close family and friends, will do well. Also, pregnancy is a great time to turn the focus inward. Women should concentrate on themselves and their pregnancies during this time. It wont be easy, but you have to think about your unborn child first. Your emotional and physical health matter, not only for you, but also your baby. Do what you can do before the baby is born. Get resources in place. If your unemployed, chances of finding a job are a little harder but not impossible. Once the baby is born, it’s 100 times harder. I don't think having a baby on your own would be my choice (well, almost everyone's choice) but it happens. Don't take it out on the baby, and if you really don't think you can do it alone, adoption is always an option. There are places to turn so do your research. It will benefit you and your unborn baby. It’s not an easy road but it can be done!!


2 comments:

grace said...

Very well put. The picture speaks a thousand words, I am moved.

Young Mommy Meli said...

I am speechless and I agree 100% very well put but nevertheless it's difficult